IVF pregnancy when did you feel like it was real?

[ttcsolomumtobe]

Hi all,

Doing this solo and have only told a couple of people but currently 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I did 3 IUIs, IVF - 1 fresh and 1 FET and it is my FET that has worked.

I've wanted this for so long, it's been 5 years in the planning (delays due to covid and age and moving house) and genuinely thought I'd be jumping for joy when I got a positive pregnancy test but felt fear and worry and a slight "what have I done" moment but mainly numb.

I have had some symptoms such as feeling sick, cramps but nothing sinister yet I'm filled with worry for my early pregnancy scan on Wednesday, 7 weeks mark.

I feel like my motivation and focus is appalling at the moment, I'm work and home life and it's knocking how I feel further. I know I need to be kind to myself and I'm always quick to tell others.

Days literally feel so long and going so slow, feel like I spend most of them trying to prepare for a baby, yet it feels too early or wracked with worry and I think the flipping from one to another is taking its toll. Also feel like articles target me, even my work computer there seems a mass amount of articles about miscarriages/difficult labours/NHS Maternity ward issues and poorly babies. I have got a counselling session booked in today so can speak with someone about my feelings more but would appreciate hearing from people going through or who have gone through it.

At what point did other feel better about the pregnancy and not worrying so much or feel it was a safe point to let yourself accept this?

What should I expect to see on a 7 week scan?

Thanks in advance

Hello, and congrats on your pregnancy! I’m a solo too, I’ve got a toddler and had a FET last week so have anxiety of 2WW.

I relate to all the anxiety you describe. I think you get so fixed on each step of fertility treatment, it’s difficult to accept you are actually pregnant. IVF teaches you to be obsessive and with no partner to help you not second guess everything, it is tough. I was reassured by seeing the heartbeat at 7w and 12w scans, and I started feeling movement around 17w I think. But honestly I didn’t stop worrying about my pregnancy until my son was born (sorry!) although he was an active baby and I loved feeling him move.

Your 7w scan will look like a bean - I couldn’t tell which end was the head - and the heartbeat looks like flashing white.

Good luck xx

@soscarlet thank you so much for your reply, reassuring what to expect and biggest good luck and fingers crossed for a BFP at the end of your 2WW.

I thought the 2WW was brutal but the 2 and half wait to the scan feels like a life time.

You are so right, IVF makes us so aware of so much and mostly the poor or bad outcomes. Even posting on a pregnancy forum, just weeks after being on the infertility one feels bonkers.

I never looked into anything pregnancy related as I didn't want to feel like I had missed out on lots if it didn't happen and now reading it I feel a bit out of my depth and like it's not quite real, even though the sicky feeling and cramps are a constraint reminder ha.

Naturally I'm a planner so sometimes my mind runs away with all I need to do and then I feel like I need to slow it down as it is so early. I'm an absolute all or nothing person so the limbo of middle ground isn't easy.

What point did you feel you could do a nursery or start to shop for baby things? I know these aren't the most important things, but to me its just my way of planning and feeling prepared.

For me it didn't feel real until I felt movement. But I had no symptoms at all so that was the first real "something" After a long five years x

No symptoms either. For me, it felt time was passing quicker once I got to the 10 week mark. Between 4-9 weeks I had weekly scans for one reason or another and it was all I could focus on! It felt real once i saw them at the 12 week scan!

I had lots of sickness from 6w until I think 29/30w (I can’t remember exactly) and it still didn’t feel real or that he was really mine. I had a constant low-grade feeling that something was going to go wrong, or that my body was fooling me. I didn’t buy anything until 34 weeks!

It didn't feel real for me until I brought her through the front door of my home. Incidentally that is when she was over three weeks old due to a nicu stay - that time just felt like awful limbo, not like I really had a baby.

Good luck!

@eurochick I'm so sorry to hear that, that sounds so awful. Did you feel more settled and secure with it when you got home or did it still take some adapting?

@KateKate2 @CR7 thank you, I think I will feel better after the scan providing all is well but just feel like due to infertility we hear of so much about loses even after the early scan.

@soscarlet wow that's alot of sickness, i find the sickness/aches worrying and reassuring all in one which is obviously a hard one. For now I'm just putting money aside for the bits I need and when I feel at a point of ready I will do so. Got a few neutral baby grows a few days after the positive when I was feeling much better about it, but even those now I've hidden away. I want it to feel real, but also feeling real means more worries and bigger concerns.

Thought the getting pregnant was the hurdle, was in some way oblivious to these feelings and worries until test date

I felt like a parent once I brought her home. I think at that point however the baby came into being your are thrown into the shock of parenting! That takes some adapting for most people.

I’m 26 weeks and still feel anxious from time to time, but felt the most worried at the stage you are at. In addition to the 12 week scan I also had a 7 week and 10 week scan at my clinic, and still then needed a reassurance scan (private) at 16 weeks to reassure myself I was still pregnant and the baby still had a heartbeat.

The 20 week scan was a big milestone, and over the past few weeks as movements have become stronger I have started to connect with the baby. The possibilities of things going wrong from now, and with the birth are low - but I still worry about them… my mind tends to think the worst, and begins mitigating for things which haven’t or may not happen. Like others I probably won’t feel like I have a baby until they arrive in the world!

Best of luck with the next few weeks. I am sure all potential parents are anxious but from speaking to friends (non IVF pregnancies) they seemed a lot more relaxed!

Can I join you for a bit @ttcsolomumtobe ? I'm not doing this solo but it would be nice to have some company!
I'm only 4 weeks 4 days, official test day following first ever transfer (FET) was on Saturday 4th November but I got a positive 6dp5dt.
I feel almost in limbo? Almost like pregnant and not pregnant. Not able to really be on the IVF thread I'm on but don't belong in big pregnancy ones yet either. I just can't believe I'm pregnant until I've had my scan. I don't feel elated. I feel numb most of the time and overwhelmingly anxious/terrified and then I feel awful for not being happy.

@IVFKinster hello, of course you can! I recognise your name from previously monthly FET threads!

Congratulations on your BFP, doesn't it feel strange when people say congratulations, I don't know whether to hide for feeling so awkward or burst into tears as the words just don't feel real!

I fully get everything you've said re feeling like you no longer belong on the IVF page but the pregnancy seems like such a big step so early on. Limbo is defo how it feels, it's actually worse than the 2WW as time seems to slow.

It's really shocked me how deflated and almost weighed down I feel by it somedays, then I feel guilty about that. I think it's just our own way of protecting ourselves incase something goes wrong but you definitely aren't alone with the feeling numb, not happy and then guilty about it.

Have you got your scan booked in?

Congratulations
Reading your post reminds me of my own experience- I was counting the half days and time was soooo slow! I was very distracted and anxious.
I had the 12 week scan as a big date to get through ( had 3 earlier ) but it was my aim. I thought after it O would be able to feel ‘safe’ and enjoy pregnancy but tbh had no relief after until 19 weeks when I started to feel movements - then it started to sink in few weeks after 20 week scan

But everyone is different
I use to try and tell myself just to appreciate and enjoy this tiny bean of energy/ love in my belly

• that did help ( albeit only for half an hour 🙈)

Thank you @ttcsolomumtobe . Congratulations to you too! It does feel weird. It sort of knocks the air out of me 😂

It's so much worse than the 2WW. It's such a huge weight isn't it? Now it's worked and it's even less outside of our control what happens next. It's definitely a self preservation thing. I feel sad that I went from fear it hadn't worked, to immediate fear of it not continuing. No happiness in between really. I know that it's the dream of everyone having IVF so to feel so weighed down about it when it's all I've ever wanted is so bonkers.

My scan was Thursday 23rd (7 weeks) but I had a bit of light bleeding yesterday ☹️ so I've managed to move it by two whole days to Tuesday 21st! They won't do it any earlier than that.
Not long to go until yours at all! Have you got someone who can go with you or are you going to manage on your own?

@Womanofmanycoats thank you for your reply.

Honestly it's just such a surprise because on this FET nothing went to plan as it should 😆 estrogen didn't work just made me have terrible side effects, my body still managed to produce a lead follicle so had to trigger ovulation, a polyp was found after being told it was a fold on the Fresh 2 months prior and the embryo got stuck in the catheter on the first attempt. The main thing that stopped me cancelling was the thought of spending winter full of regret for not trying, so as hopeful as I was I defo went in with low expectations.

Defo seems like the movement is a common point where people feel more at ease but yes, will try enjoy the mini moments in between 🩷

@IVFKinster our first reactions defo catch us off guard, not how I expected to feel.

Yes even more waiting that's out of our control. I'm just trying to control what I can like getting out for walks and eating well when I feel up to it.

I'm sorry to hear of the bleeding, hope it's eased off. We know it's common but seeing blood is still the biggest fear isn't it. I've had 2 small incidents of spotting. Glad you scan has been moved forward but still close to the backend of the 6 weeks as will see alot more that will hopefully reassure. That's why I went for the 7 week date they had.

My best friend is coming with me, only she, my Dad and a manager at work know. Luckily none of them ask about it but I know they are there to speak to if needed. Think not telling many or speaking out loud about it is also what makes it feel less real. Have you told many people?

Congratulations, I can't lie it's a looooong wait, you count every day 💐💐 honestly I felt anxious the entire pregnancy and 5 years later now mine have started school it's only now I'm accepting I'm actually a mum and it worked out 😆 it wasn't an easy road, there were scares and hiccups along the way but it was worth it, good luck xxx

Tbh with dc I remember feeling excited but also it felt unreal. It felt real maybe around 34 weeks and we had baby clothes drying a pram etc. I felt shell shocked after I had him as could not believe we finally had our actual baby.

This time round am currently 37+5 and again it feels very abstract. I put the pram up etc but I don’t think it will be real until the actual baby is here.

Good luck!!!

Sorry to interrupt....My daughter is in a similar situation....private IVF ..years of trying before that and failed IVF ....now she's pregnant ...early days .....6 weeks ...has had heartbeat scan.
I'm thrilled ..excited and scared ....not sure I'll allow myself to be in granny mode until January ...and even then will I ???
I wish you all ..the best and wonderful future with your little babies.

Totally normal to feel mixed emotions. The 7-week scan can bring reassurance, seeing the heartbeat. For me, things got better after that, but there's no set timeline.

Hi and congrats,

I had 4 IVFs and I don't think it felt real until he was born to be honest. He's 15 now and is definitely feels real!! He's a great kid.

Congratulations 🎊 I am also a solo mum. I conceived my daughter by IVF 6 years ago with my treatment following a very similar pattern to yours.
The 7 week scan is (another!) Internal scan. I couldn't really make anything out on the screen, just nodded my head when they said they could see a healthy heartbeat 🥰. Following that scan I had pretty much 24 hour nausea which just made me feel miserable rather than pregnant! I think it became real for me at the 12 week scan when I could see an actual baby shape whizzing around on the screen and I started to tell friends and work colleagues.
I hope you have a smooth and easy pregnancy. There are a growing number of solo mums across the UK and quite a few groups on Facebook, as well as some local WhatsApp groups. I hope you have been able to link in with some near to you as it is nice to have support from other mums who understand the solo route 🙂

@Firebug007 @TakeMe2Insanity @terraced thank you for your honesty regarding how long it look to feel real, it's good to know how I feel is normal.

@Scouse51976 thank you so much, feel equal part excited and equal part scared for the scan tomorrow but seeing something will hopefully help.

@Dontopenthetrapdoor thank you for you kind reply. Still feels a bit unreal thinking of joining apps to meet other mums or seeing the week by week info on some apps but I'm sure there will come a time that I feel okay doing it.

@Lulu1919 thanks for your kind words. congratulations for your Daughter and you, it's a hard battle at times. May be worth setting up a thread seeking support and chat with other hopeful granny's to be. I say this because it's important to share your feelings and get support yourself but it's important not to put that on your Daughter at this time. My Dad knows but the fact there's never been chat of being a grandad and all of his questions and speaking to me is concern for me helps as there's one less pressure

@ttcsolomumtobe IVF at every stage is such a test at managing when you're not in control of your own body. Very frustrating.
I think I didn't expect it to work so I never thought ahead to how I'd manage the time in between scans and I didn't anticipate the low level panic that would be running underneath.
Thank you for sharing that you've had a bit of spotting. I had quite a pink of pink/red on the tissue on Sunday evening but since then only one or two dots of pink. Nothing so far today 🤞 would very much like it not to come back.
I'm glad you've got someone going with you! I'm already freaking out about it and it's still two weeks away.

I told quite a few people about IVF so they'd stop making me go to baby showers or asking me why I've not bothered to have a child! But only my husband and his parents know about the transfer and the result. My MIL is so excited bless her she just wants to tell everyone ever so asking her to keep it quiet until the 12 week scan felt like asking her to hike to the moon 😂

Should we have registered with a midwife already? Have you done that yet?

@IVFKinster it's so true, I was worried to wouldn't work that I never looked I to what to expect from pregnancy, you hear the common like sickness etc but find it a bit mind-blowing trying to process it now, wanting to be prepared but also not too look too far ahead.

Fingers crossed for no more spotting and the 2 weeks to fly by for you.

Thats good you told people re IVF but kept the circle small re transfer and outcome. I told all my friends when going through IUI and when they did worked I realised it was like living the trauma multiple times telling them then telling with their questions so like you, said I would be looking at IVF but only told 1 friend about the transfer

I asked my clinic and they said to contact a midwife after early scan so yea, will hopefully find out what that entails next week ha. Think I will want a few days of normality between scan and midwife

I had four failed rounds of IVF, the last of which ended with nothing to transfer. We were devastated, and made the decision to move onto DE. We picked our donor and paid for the cycle. I was waiting for day 1 to phone my clinic but it never came…. I was pregnant! Im 11 weeks now and it still hasn’t gone in! We haven’t told anyone yet.

I have my 12 week scan next week and will be telling my parents that evening. We saw our baby/ blobby shadow on a 7 week scan and it was just unreal. We have cautiously looked at baby things in ikea but definitely not buying! I still can’t get my head around it! Five years, £30k poorer and a <5% chance of success with my own eggs, not sure I’ll believe it till the kids here 😆

Congratulations! X