5-week post partum bridesmaid?

[SezP]

Hello 👋🏻 so I am currently 7 weeks pregnant (first pregnancy) and about to go see my best friend (who lives a few hours drive from me) to meet her new baby. I haven’t told her I’m pregnant yet. She very kindly asked me to be her bridesmaid for her wedding in late July next year. The problem is, I will have (hopefully, fingers crossed touch wood) given birth 5 weeks earlier. Can I seriously be a bridesmaid with a 5 week old? I am also intending on having an elective c section, so I’d assume I’m still going to be healing. The wedding is down in Devon - I live in London. My husband and my parents would be going too, but we would be reliant on my parents/taxis for car travel once down there as we do not have a car and do not intend to get one (we have excellent public transport where we live). I don’t want to tell her I’m pregnant until I know how I feel about the whole bridesmaid thing. The earliness of the pregnancy isn’t such a concern for me. Has anyone been bridesmaid with a very young baby? Has anyone had to drop out? Any experiences appreciated!

Congratulations OP!

I've not been in your exact situation but I have had a CS and have been a bridesmaid. I would no way have wanted to be a bridesmaid 5 weeks PP. It was a struggle moving around, I was sore and tired from recovering and looking after a newborn. I was breastfeeding so had leaky boobs as well. For me, it would have been too much pressure and just too exhausting.

I don’t have experience of this but I’m due to be a bridesmaid 2 months after giving birth and we’ll be travelling around 7 hours to get to the wedding so following this thread out of interest.

@Elzibells thanks for your response. Your experience is rather what I anticipate mine will be! The wedding is in a field (“festival style”) too, so I’m not sure what there will be in terms of creature comforts…

@SushiAndSkittles how are you feeling about doing it? Is it your first pregnancy, too?

My experience of being a wedding guest at that stage was that one squawk from the baby and my milk production went into overdrive. Manageable, sort of, from the back row of the church but could have been awkward in full view and in a swish bridesmaid dress.

I think this needs to be a 'see how things go'.

Thanks, @PingoDome - do you mean “see how things go” as in with the pregnancy? Or once it’s born? Cause I feel like I need to give her quite a bit of notice if I’m not going to be a bridesmaid, and definitely before e.g. dresses are being sorted out

Also LOL at idea of being in a swish dress 5 weeks post partum… I was envisaging living in oversized shirts!

This is such a bad idea isn’t it.

I could have been a bridesmaid 5 weeks after DD2, not so much after DD1.

Both were elective sections, but with DD1 I bled heavily for ages and had a catheter in for several weeks. I could have (would have) done it for a very close friend, but it wouldn’t have been much fun.

You will probably be feeding them 22hs a day!

The journey from London to Devon would be more of a problem. Both babies screamed in the car from the word go, and you’d need lots of breaks. The train would be easier, as long as you have someone else to deal with all the luggage.

So in short…if you have a good recovery, you’re determined to do it, and the bride is happy for you to be very flexible on the day, it’s doable. But don’t rely on it.

@SezP let your friend down gently now. She's your friend and she will be so happy to hear your news and will likely suggest you don't form part of the bridal party for your own comfort. Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy!

A friend of DD was a bridesmaid 3 weeks after having a baby
However , it was her second baby , she really wanted to be there , and practically hibernated with the baby to make sure she was well enough to be there
Her parents were wedding guests , her little DD in the wedding party too
I don’t think I’d have been able to do it
If you’re asked to be bridesmaid , I think you should tell your friend that you’re a tiny bit pregnant and will have to just be a guest with a baby as a plus one !

@SezP I know you mention you don't want to bring up the pregnancy until you know what you want to do about the bridesmaid role. And obviously it's completely up to you when you tell anyway. But given your friend has just had a baby herself, would it not be best to open up and see what she thinks? There may be options such as you coming and wearing the dress but without typical responsibilities.

Honestly I can think of nothing worse at 5 weeks pp. Even just as a guest.

I was bridesmaid for my sister with a 3 month old and it was so full on. She was EBF, no routine yet, kept needing to be fed at the worst time, photos, ceremony etc. She then threw up and poonamied all over my dress, at the same time, just as I sat down to dinner. Honestly, I didn't enjoy the day at all and I've never loved DH more than when he offered to drive me home and take the flack from my family himself - I didn't take him up on it but fuck it was tempting.

What are your friend's expectations of a bridesmaid, not just on the day but from now on?

@SezP yes my first pregnancy too. Tbh I haven’t thought too much about the wedding as I’m too preoccupied with baby stuff. It’s DH’s sister who had a baby back in May so she understands what I’m going through. Perhaps your friend will too?

I travelled to the other end of the country a week after an emergency c-section, for urgent but less happy reasons. So it is doable, but i definitely wasn’t enjoying it. Train is vastly better than car, you can feed baby, most will sleep in a sling at that age so you know they’re safe, and you can get a cup of tea on demand. We paid for first class tickets to make things easier and it was absolutely worth it even if you still have a bit of a drive from the station at the other end.

What about talking to your friend about a special role in the wedding where you are still part of the bridal party, but you don’t have any specific responsibilities on the day? Work out a bare minimum you can do - e.g. ceremony but not meeting and greeting, first dance, first course of dinner and your partners job is to make those windows of time happen by holding baby outside if needed. Then anything else you can manage is a bonus. Means you’re still involved but less pressure if you’re not up to much on the day?

Baby under 6 week (from full term date) should only be in a car seat for a max of 30 mins. If your bf then you could easily be feeding for a hour at a time with an hour in between feeds except if their cluster feeding when they literally feed for hours at a time. A long car journey would be difficult at that time.

I was a bridesmaid 10 weeks after a an uncomplicated vaginal birth about an hour from home. It was tricky for all sorts of reasons ( feeding, dress, timing) in retrospect I don't think I was a very good bridesmaid although I did my best and did manage to make the party favours.

5 weeks after a c-section ? Not a chance.

I could have easily done it with DC2 but not DC1 (complicated birth and I was in pain and mentally not in a good place)

I suspect you might struggle tbh, first baby, long drive, limited facilities. You might still be bleeding heavily and recovering from the section. Feeding might be unpredictable irrespective of how you are feeding. I wouldn’t want the pressure of trying to make it.

Op I was a bridesmaid 5 weeks post partum. Did not have a c section although I did have a complex birth and had been in hospital for 5 days afterwards.

Honestly it was fine, and I’m so glad I did it. My friend let me choose my own dress, and I chose one that I could breastfeed in. Dh looked after the baby during the ceremony and while we were getting ready beforehand. I missed some of the speeches as the baby was crying and I took him out, but the bride and groom were so kind and didn’t mind

My friend had two hen dos - one that I couldn’t go to as I was so heavily pregnant and it was a weekend away, and one local afternoon one that I could come to and helped organise.

im sure you’re feeling nervous about your first pregnancy and there are a lot of unknowns. But if you’re all prepared to not be too precious and to support each other then I think it can be done. Having a baby doesn’t mean you can’t show up for the important events in each other’s lives. It will just be different.

Hopefully you will recover well from your elective section, but I would politely decline the offer to be bridesmaid at only 5 weeks postpartum. Like other posters mentioned there will be the stress of milk leaking and bleeding. I’ve had 2 elective sections in the past 2 years and both times I recovered well but doing any housework in the newborn stage felt like a triumph due to baby wanting held (esp if bf) and lack of sleep. In short, I wouldn’t have been a good bridesmaid. Time is not your own when you’re a bridesmaid (support the bride getting ready, ceremony, photos etc)
when I got engaged 2 of my 3 bridesmaids to be (friends/ sister in laws) told me they would be very heavily pregnant on the date of my wedding so we agreed they wouldn’t do it. It was disappointing but less stress all round. My best friend who was pregnant organised my hen do (she likes organising things), came round to my house for a light lunch when we were getting ready and we got professional photos of the 2 of us so she felt very much involved without the worry of dress fittings and being on her feet. My sister in law did a reading. Maybe you and your friend could find easier ways to be involved than being a bridesmaid.

I was bridesmaid for my best friend 2 months after having a baby, it was a local wedding though xx

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I definitely couldn’t have managed this five weeks after either of my c-sections and I’d want to let my friend know as far in advance as possible. Wedding guest might just about be doable.

Nah, I wouldn't be BM especially if you plan to breastfeed

When my baby was 5 weeks, I only wore breastfeeding tops and bras. Not sure bridesmaid dresses come with easy access flaps

You will need a car to get from London to Devon. Could you hire one?

Babies need a LOT of stuff

100% no way. Take the pressure off yourself right now and explain to your friend. With a new baby herself she'll understand.
I could barely manage to get me and the baby to the health center down the road for five minute check ups at 5 weeks and I had a perfectly straightforward vaginal birth