5-week post partum bridesmaid?

[SezP]

Hello 👋🏻 so I am currently 7 weeks pregnant (first pregnancy) and about to go see my best friend (who lives a few hours drive from me) to meet her new baby. I haven’t told her I’m pregnant yet. She very kindly asked me to be her bridesmaid for her wedding in late July next year. The problem is, I will have (hopefully, fingers crossed touch wood) given birth 5 weeks earlier. Can I seriously be a bridesmaid with a 5 week old? I am also intending on having an elective c section, so I’d assume I’m still going to be healing. The wedding is down in Devon - I live in London. My husband and my parents would be going too, but we would be reliant on my parents/taxis for car travel once down there as we do not have a car and do not intend to get one (we have excellent public transport where we live). I don’t want to tell her I’m pregnant until I know how I feel about the whole bridesmaid thing. The earliness of the pregnancy isn’t such a concern for me. Has anyone been bridesmaid with a very young baby? Has anyone had to drop out? Any experiences appreciated!

I don't think you can commit to being a bridesmaid. I'm sure your friend will understand but your asking too much of yourself. Travelling all that way, different bed for you and baby, remembering all the baby equipment, sleep deprivation... you may feel ok but you might not have it in you and that would be totally normal. You want the option of staying at home in a bubble with your newborn. ❤️

You can get lie flat car seats which means they don't have the time limit. I wish I'd known this when I had mine!

Regardless of this I still wouldn't want to go. The whole event is too much to contemplate with a tiny newborn.

Thanks, everyone! You’ve all basically reaffirmed what I thought, which is really helpful. I am still going to (try to) go to the wedding, but unless I have to do basically zilch as a bridesmaid and I can choose a suitable dress, I think I am going to have to say no…

Even that's putting pressure on yourself. You'll spend your first precious weeks with your baby wondering if you'll be fit to be bridesmaid.
Decide now you're not even going to go to the wedding or you'll make the decision the day before.
Commit to nothing

I was recently a bridesmaid with my second baby at 9 weeks pp, also with a 3 yo in tow. I think it depends on a few things. Are you hoping to breastfeed? At 5 weeks feeding can be pretty relentless and will still take up the majority of your time. If the bride is chill and happy for you to literally meet her at the venue just before the ceremony allowing you to get ready on your own, at your own pace in the morning I think it’d be manageable. If you are expected to be at a hairdressers at 7am and then at the beck and call of the bride all morning I don’t think it would be possible. I would travel way in advance of the day to give you time to settle.

Practically, you will also really struggle to get to Devon with a newborn and all their stuff on public transport, unless you are staying somewhere fully kitted out.

I would not do this.
Even if you aren't in pain at 5 weeks you will probably be sore and want comfy clothes. A London to Devon drive won't be good for the baby or you.

Don’t do it. At 5 weeks PP after an elective CS I was still bleeding quite heavily. Apart from the fact that it’s not advised to have your baby in a car seat for longer than 2 hours at a time at that stage, if you’re planning to breastfeed then you’ll be probably cluster feeding or at least feeding quite often. Your focus will be on your baby as it should be. Let her pick someone else.

I think that if your friend has a new baby herself, then she will totally understand. Can you have a good chat about it?

Two of my best friends couldn’t come to my wedding (last minute) due to a sick baby & heavily pregnant. No problem!

Personally I wouldn't have been able to do it at 5 weeks after C-section last year.

I wouldn’t… it’s not just the day but everything in the run up to. Hen party, dress fittings, getting ready with the bride on the day etc. I know none of this is essential for a bridesmaid but you might end up feeling like you “should” be doing some of these things when you really just want to focus on looking after yourself and your baby.

Much easier to politely decline now and hopefully be able to go and enjoy the wedding.

Your friend is a mum so she will completely understand when you tell her. You don't know what size you will be, how you will recover and how you will feel. You may also have a colicky baby or one that is so sleepy and is chilled out.

It's really hard to know but I would tell her about the pregnancy at some point. She will understand that you can't commit to anything.

Better to refuse.

You have no idea what size you will be. If you are a 12 now, you could be anything from a 10-18.

Dress would need to be dark (bleeding,milk)

Possibly need to be breast feeding friendly.

You won't want to be apart from your baby for long.

You just won't feel like it.

Not a bridesmaid but my friend came to my wedding with her 5 day old baby, and another had a month old having had a c-section.

The bridesmaid thing all depends on what kind of bride she is going to be, my only bridesmaid (sil) arrived on the day with a dress she had chosen (mil paid for it) no other role other than taking part for fun. If your friend wants the whole hen do organising, stay over in matching dressing gowns thing (where's that vomit emoji) then I would tell her that you are pregnant, want to come but understand if she would prefer a bridesmaid with more time to help her (tactfully)

I could have with both of mine as no complications but I didn't have c sections, separates are easier for breastfeeding though!

@downthewrongpath

No they don't, I traveled a lot with mine with just a backpack! But I breastfed and used cloth nappies so all I needed was a laundrette every other day

I had an elective section on 25th October and on 27th October I went out for lunch. I think I could've done it, just about, but the travel and the feeding will be stressful. I think your only option actually will be to say you need to make a judgement call the week before? Hopefully as she's a mum she will understand.

If you're having an elective they will do it at 39 weeks so you might be six weeks post!

I wasn't a bridesmaid but I did attend a wedding 5 days after giving birth. My husband was best man. I was exhausted but glad I did go

Like Bigpawsjames points out my immediate thought was that an ELCS would mean you’d probably be taken in at 39w, which would put another week on your recovery. I had two very straightforward c sections and after the first I was pushing a pram around Marksies by day 3.

With both physically I would have been fine to be a BM at 6w pp but I don’t think I would have wanted to tbh. At that stage you’re still very much dealing with a newborn with multiple wake ups each night, leaky boobs (I didn’t bf but my supply was not in question), postnatal bleeding and I wasn’t feeling great about my postnatal body. Feeling the pressure of a big event where I was playing a very visible role would have really weighed on me.

I went to a wedding as a guest 5 weeks after having a c-section and I was totally fine by then but recovery is different for everyone. I found that as long as I was careful I was fine after about 3 weeks. Because we had the baby with us I wasn't drinking or dancing like I maybe would have been without her there so it was a different sort of wedding for me but you might find that you are good after 5 weeks. Being a guest isn't the same as being in the bridal party though so maybe worth saying you will go as a guest rather than a bridesmaid?

I would have been fine to be a bridesmaid at 5 weeks with both my babies but I would have needed a dress in a size up from my usual size and it would have had to be nursing friendly too. Which would be difficult to plan as you can't really know what size you will be then or if you will be breastfeeding or not. So it depends if your friend values you there as a bridesmaid more or just the optics as anything you order in advance may not fit at that stage.

Also, you can't know exactly when you will have your baby. Even if you have an elcs if there is no medical reason for this, if there are pressures on resources your date could end up being well post-dates. So if your baby is actually only eventually born at 41+5 your baby will be what, 3 weeks old ish? Which has been a very different kettle of fish than 5 weeks old for me with both babies. It took me a good four weeks to recover from my birth injury with my second baby unfortunately for example.

The travel is also a separate issue, can't comment on that really but I guess could be broken up if needed.

I would opt out of being a bridesmaid and say that you will try to be there as a guest if all is well. Travelling that far after C section surgery may be tricky in itself

I wouldn’t recommend it Op.

I had an EMCS rathet than ELCS, but I was on the phone to my GP at 4 weeks because I was still in a lot of pain. I might be on the extreme end but you don’t know how you’re going to recover.

A PP also made a really good point about not knowing what size you’ll be for a bridesmaid dress. This partly depends on swelling after your section etc, and I actually put on more weight from eating so much because I was exhausted but couldn’t move much.

I would say i may even struggle to go as a guest tbh. That distance is going to make it trickier.

I was a bridesmaid 3 weeks pp, it was for my twin sister. I had a brilliant time. I wouldn't have missed it for the world but this is Mumsnet where half the people who have babies won't even have let family come see their baby at 5 weeks pp because they need to 'bond'

A king drive in a car 5 weeks post section will be brutal.

I went to a wedding 10 weeks post section and found it tough going.

I wouldn't advise any extra responsibilities.

So I told her, and she was super happy for me and immediately assumed I wouldn’t even be going to the wedding! I am still 100% intending to go to the wedding, unless there is a damn good reason I can’t. Travel by train with all “equipment” in my parents car so no issues re car seats or breaks. Now just need to cross my fingers I get to that stage!! Thanks for all your input though - really appreciated.