3rd baby - Freaking out completely

[Maybebaby16]

Hi,
I've just tested positive for my third pregnancy and am 100% freaking out. Feeling like it's a terrible mistake.

Can anyone reassure me and tell me good things about three children?

Thank you

I have a 7 & 5 YO and I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant with baby #3
My 5 year old will be 6 in dec.

This baby wasn’t planned, my husband wasn’t very happy at all and wanted to me to have a termination. I couldn’t do it.
Now we are both over the shock we can’t wait and our children are so excited, they really want to help and want to meet the baby now.

Obviously, I still have days I worry that I may have taken on too much or will my older children suffer but I have spoken to other people and they have reassured me that it’s normal.
I’m sure I had the same feelings with #2 in the sense of my first missing out and getting ‘lost’ in the chaos but that never happened!

I hope whatever you choose is best for you!

Mum of 3 here.
No 3 is a breeze. And your older two are of an age where they will be able to understand things and help out too. (To a degree) we had a similar age gap and it s super. And even now (youngest is 8) it s lovely. Definitly there's some challenges like packing the car for holidays / journeys and picking a movie that suits all the family. It s busy! But that said the older two are so kind and patient and have helped with the youngest and they all bave a nice bond, the youngest is learning so much from the older two - and it s heart warming rk see them help each other. Don't get me wrong there s plenty of eye rolling and sighs too! dinners are busy and fun. I think I enjoyed my youngest s baby years the most too, and it was lovely to be able to ne around for the older two at that time also.
It s fine.

You don't have to go through with it

But if you want to hear positives:

I find 6,4 and 2 easier than 4&2 was. The older two often play together and the younger one kind of follows them around watching/ echoing.

The oldest is now quite interesting to talk to but the youngest is still so tiny and cute

Being a big brother has brought out lovely caring qualities in my middle child that we wouldn't have seen so much if he was the youngest.

The youngest can tag along with most family activities (things where they won't benefit much tend to be free til age 3). For things they really can't do (trampoline park...) we often do in school holidays when youngest still has nursery.

Thanks for the responses.
The only thing stopping me going for an abortion immediately is fear of the sense of loss and regret. Still at an age where plenty of people around me are getting pregnant and having squishy newborns. Also I've had a previous ectopic so would need to get checked for that and wouldn't just be able to get pills posted to me (and I live in the middle of nowhere so it would be a 2 hour drive I think).
The financials are what really scare me. I would have liked to help my children out in the future. And we might have been able to afford private school at secondary (husband gets a discount through his work) but not for three.

Plus my younger child has some asd traits. What if this child has another disability that takes even more away from my children?

I was where you are a few weeks ago. I’m now almost 11 weeks with number 3, I have 7 and 3 year olds. Although we had tried for a third for a while I had reached a point where I felt I was too old (41) and had become very content with our family of 4. So when I found out I was expecting number 3 (one bloody time of unprotected sex!!) I was very upset and worried. Worried about how the other kids would cope, how I would cope, finances, potential disabilities etc.
It has taken about 4-5 weeks to get my head round it and although I still have my concerns I have got over the shock and am starting to look forward to it. So much so I have a private scan today and can’t wait to see the little bean for the first time.
Give yourself some time to adjust to the news, once the shock wears off you will be able to think more clearly and stop catastraphising about everything.

I have 3 boys (13, 12 & 7) - my 3rd just slotted in, the elder 2 loved him and were really great with him from the minute they met him. He is loud and amazing in every way, he is my little cuddle bunny and is always saying "I love you mama", he sits next to me and strokes my face. I couldn't imagine our family without him.

Going from 0 -1 is tough and 1 - 2 was hard because of the close age gap, but 2 - 3 really was so much easier - it was a dream! I never regretted having him for one second, and I love that we are a bigger family.

Thanks. Do you feel your other two have missed out in any way because of it? My two are so affectionate and loving - I can't bear the idea of them missing out and getting less love.

I am actually going to start trying soon and have a 3 year old and nearly 5 year old!! It will be amazing for them growing up! Family events will be so hectic but full of so much love and happiness!

I'm currently 20 weeks with unplanned number 3.

I'm still not over the shock and have been referred to the perinatal mental health team as I'm not coping. I do have a considerable number of social stressors contributing to this also. I've pretty much dissociated at this point so I'm having to work on that.

My other 2 children are much younger also.

Thanks for these responses. All helps and things to consider.

The love the older ones have for the littlest is heartbreaking. My third is so chill. Dream baby, now dream toddler. Also I’m so much happier as a mum with a little tribe.

These comments are lovely to read.

im 8 weeks pregnant with number 3 - have a 9 and 6 year old already and I’m also having the panic about going back to the baby days when life is now (marginally) easier. I also worry about how my 2 are going to react with my attention having to be on a baby that needs me for everything, but I’m sure all will be fine!

nice to hear the positives of 3!

I had an unplanned 3rd, she was born when dd1 was almost 4 and ds almost 2. 3 under 4 was pretty intense but got easier as they got older as they were at similar stages at the same time so good for clubs and holidays and stuff.

They're now 23, 21 and almost 20. And still incredibly close. It wasn't the way we planned it but we're 💯 sure it's the way it was meant to be for us. Our dd2 is now a fully qualified beauty therapist graduating next week. She has a great job at a posh spa, a lovely boyfriend and the messiest bedroom you ever saw!!

Still in panic mode. Can't sleep or eat.

I mean, I had a planned third pregnancy and it still took a while to get comfortable moving from a theoretical baby to the actual, holy hell -it's actually happening and feel settled with this new future mapping out in front of me.

But, while I could wax lyrical, this is your body and your life. It feels like this is too big for you to nut out over MN. Why don't you see a counselor and weigh up your options with a real-life person who can give you more than their own personal experience? Your dh's opinion of next steps doesn't take priority over your own.

My 3rd was an unplanned pregnancy. I really struggled with it at the time because my other two were only 3 and 11 months when he was born so very close in age. He slot right in though and is just the sweetest boy. It wasn't always easy but he was definitely worth it. 6 years later and I'm actually expecting #4 in a couple of months 😊

I’m also expecting my third - due in 6 weeks. Mine are 5.5 and 2.5 When I found out I cried for days. Happy about a baby but concerned about practical things like cars, bedrooms, and mostly how I would cope. Also in a new job so no entitlement to enhanced maternity leave.

with 6 weeks to go I’m still worried about the practicalities but excited to meet baby. Best of luck!

My 3rd is the absolute light in our lives. Youngest was 7 when she came along and she just slotted in with our already busy lives.
She is the most chilled, affectionate and loving child. She's 11 now and her big sisters still make a huge fuss of 'the baby'

I have a 15,9,22 month and currently 33 weeks pregnant.. you will be fine op. Congrats

Thanks for these responses.
Do you all still manage to have your careers with 3 children? I work three days a week at the moment and rely on nursery/childminder for school run in the morning and pick up on those days. I'm worried about having a year away from that and my current two then having to get back to that routine. Also just the general fear of being stretched too thin.

I took a break when no. 3 came as we went to the US with DH's job. It hasn't held me back though and I got back into work fine.

Now mine are teens I can enjoy work without feeling so guilty all the time!

A new routine is always tricky to start but kids are adaptable.

I think you will manage ok with 3 days, a supportive partner and reliable childminder! I’m in the same boat (I work 4 days). I’ll be looking At reducing slightly but I think it’s do able with a supportive employer. Flexible employer is key though - once they hit school age there is 3x everything. Sickness, appointments, school events etc.

Yes but they develop a certain level of immunity. I have three with the exact same age gap. My 3rd was very planned - had two miscarriages before having DC3 when I was 40.

It had its challenges but doesn't anything! They're 26, 24 and 20 and they are all very close. I wouldn't change a thing. DC2 and DC3 went to the cinema together last night. The three of them went clothes shopping together on student discount night.

I also worked fulltime throughout and even did a masters starting when youngest was 10 months. You will be fine!

One random thing that's popping into my head and giving me a bit of light...

A couple of days before I tested positive, a massive butterfly (black with orange/red bits) randomly appeared on my kitchen window sill out of nowhere. Later that day when I turned on the TV the first thing I saw was butterflies which I thought was strange too.

I'm not a spiritual person really, but I can't help but wonder if it there's some kind of meaning to be found.