Hiding pregnancy at Christmas Party??

[Thriving30]

Hi all just looking for some advice.
I've recently found out I'm pregnant (very early stages still). I have worked out I will be about 12 weeks at my work's christmas party. I put my name down & paid the deposit weeks ago.

I can't really 'get out of it' because I pulled out last year stating personal reasons (I actually had an MC and as you can imagine wasn't in the mood to celebrate anything) - Nobody at work is aware of this - so I will look really antisocial and weird if I don't go this year.

I really don't want anyone knowing at that stage, including family until I'm sure everything is OK with this pregnancy, as I've had two MC's in the past.

I do like my alcohol and have been out with colleagues regularly throughout the year, drinking, and we have already talked about doing shots etc (obviously before I knew I was pregnant!) so I have no idea how I'm going to avoid drinking!

Please can anyone give me some tips/advice? I'm thinking of ordering lemonade or something so it's not obvious? But I think they give a glass of fizz on arrival!

Lots of people won't notice you are not drinking. Some will and will assume you're pregnant. Some of them might say something, mostly even when people guess they won't say anything.

But none of this hiding soft drinks, pretending to drink, claiming to be hungover business will make any difference. There's no point trying any of that faff.

This is kind of the issue I've got! We are a team of around 20 but everyone works quite closely together, most people know I want kids, we're having a sit down meal not sure how many sat at the tables though? With fizz served on arrival, and then there's some evening entertainment with a band etc. And I'm quite close friends with 2 of my colleagues, and I just know they'll think something is up bc I'm not drinking.

Not quite sure what I've done to deserve some of the harsher comments on here! I wish alcohol wasn't such an issue but when you've been out drinking with these girls before and suddenly you're not, they will surely wonder why..
I suppose if someone asks if I'm pregnant I can just say something like gosh I know I told you i'd gained weight but I didn't think I'd gained that much! Or something along those lines..

Tbh where we're going I don't even think I'll be able to pour away the first glass of fizz without looking odd. The balloon glass/gin idea is a good one

I'll think of something. Thank you for all the helpful responses

Can you make out you had a heavy night the night before and still hungover/thought of alcohol makes you nauseous?

Tell people you have to be to up early the next day for a family event. And take the car. The second you flash your car keys at someone, no one will question why you are not having a drink.

I'm not a big drinker and never have been, so I've Always used the 'I'm driving' to get out of work party shots xx

You're overthinking this. Alcohol is not a must

Have you never told them to fuck off with their personal questions?

Perhaps drop into a few convos late November that you're deciding to give up drinking? I've been to loads of social events and just had soft drinks because I don't always feel like it, no other reason.

A lot of people I know have given up drinking either temporarily or permanently and no-one has questioned it. I hate the booze culture in the uk.

@MargotBamborough In my head, many many many times. Out loud, not in those exact words as it'd make for a sour atmosphere in a 15 person office.

Chief of the nosey bitches actually turned up at our wedding venue uninvited and managed to get herself into the background of all the outside photos 🤯

Wow. So someone with no concept of boundaries then! I feel for you.

@MargotBamborough I'm certain she doesn't know the meaning of the word boundary.

I've spent several years now reacting in enthusiastic horror at her questions about kids, so when she no doubt expresses surprise as 'you always said you don't like / want kids' I absolutely will be responding with the fact that asking inappropriate personal questions will often result in receiving a lie in response.

No one really notices. The antibiotic 'story' is seen through immediately. Buy short glasses of lemonade, if you want. I genuinely think that many, many women overthink this, and then make it bloody obvious, just go and buy your own drinks. No one will be sniffing them to see what they are.

I had this exact situation.
I took the welcome drink and then just 'accidentally' left it somewhere after holding it for a while.
Sit down dinner I accepted a glass of wine and just didn't drink it, but offered to top up everyone else around the table periodically so people just assumed I was doing mine too.
Then I had lemonade in a gin glass, and whenever anyone asked to buy a round I said I was alternating as I didn't want to be hungover in the morning 🤣 so just a soft one that round please.
People had far too much fun to really realise. I made sure I danced as much as usual and stayed up with everyone too.
I'm the same, would have been a walking beacon had I said I wasn't drinking 🙈

In an almost identical situation, a colleague drank lemonade and cranberry juice all evening - she normally drank vodka and cranberry - and she ordered most of the drinks, so none of us guessed.

I have also successfully 'left' drinks around a venue, when socialising after a meal. Frankly I think people were secretly glad when buying a round when they heard me say 'no thanks, I have a drink over there', waving vaguely somewhere else. Remember most folk will be getting well-oiled as the evening wears on, and in any case most people are focussed on themselves, not you. And congratulations.

Something else to consider, by 12 weeks I was still feeling pretty rotten (I still am at 14 weeks), I wouldn’t have been up for staying late or eating a big meal. I still need to be in bed most evenings by 9pm or I feel really rotten. So you might legitimately be too ill to go. At 6 weeks I still felt fine, it really hit around 7 - 8 weeks!

Can you confide in someone who can help cover?

They can take your welcome drink and then you go order a seed-lip or mock tail

if you’re close friends with some of the colleagues wouldn’t it be easiest to just tell them, especially if you’re going to be at around 12 weeks by then. Presumably if anything did go wrong you’d want to lean on your close friends for emotional support anyway, I understand not wanting all of your colleagues to know but by 12 weeks I’d probably just tell the few who will notice you’re not drinking.

I’d say just don’t make a big deal out of it. Take the welcome drinks, ‘drink’ your drinks slowly. If people offer you more, just say you’ve got one. Pretend to drink every now and again. Order lemonade in gin glasses.

this is how it should be, it’s awful that people get worried about this due to the social pressures there are to drink.

I remember being on a work night out when I was pregnant and I was genuinely on ABs I couldn’t drink on as well at the time 😝 I always just drove too so that was a good excuse.

Oh and congratulations on your pregnancy OP how rude of me

Congratulations!

I had this issue, found out I was expecting early December.

I had non alcoholic beer in a half glass, said I'd had a heavy night before (looked like shit so was easy!) just said 'urgh can't face red wine tonight!'.

Not a word 👍🏻 good luck

I would organise something for the day after, Granny visiting or the in-laws or something you would have to be up and about early for, then say you are going to drive because last time you saw Granny she was horrified that you were hungover? Or marathon training maybe? My husband is a big drinker but often quits or goes slow when training for a big race! Good luck! Xxx

Just always have a drink in your hand and literally no one will care or notice

I went extreme when I was pregnant at the work Xmas party. Took my rucksack, which had a large water bottle in that was full of no-secco. Every time I went to the loo I took my bag and my glass and chucked the alcohol down the loo and replaced with the AF stuff. Apparently no one guessed. I am an overthinking over planned though!

The other one I did was pull a crashing face at the inconvenience of having to take a relative to the airport at 6am the next day which I offered to do before realising the date clash. That stopped the questions.

though I did take and not drink earlier offerings - hand over top of glass - blamed the above ‘got to drive mega early tomorrow’ when offered a top up. And didn’t offer any of this - only when specifically asked. Protesting loudly is the biggest clue!