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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Confirmed Ectopic I’m so sad

28 replies

Fanserve · 02/10/2023 18:07

Hi all,

I jhad a BFP 2 weeks ago and just had a scan at the EPU. I was referred to EPU due to some spotting I had the last few days.
I guessed I should be at 6+2 but the sonographer said she couldn’t see a pregnancy. They then took bloods and asked to rescan me (TV) and confirmed that it looked like I have an ectopic pregnancy and because it’s not growing rapidly, they aren’t overly concerned and based on my blood levels of HCG and Progesterone that I could miscarry naturally.

For context, I have 2 DC and 2nd DC took a while to conceive. I knew I wanted a 3rd so wanted to start trying as soon as DC2 was 9 months but I began to get gynaecological issues with non stop bleeding.
This was diagnosed as hormonal imbalance. Gynaecologists advised me to have mirena coil put in for 6 months minimum - for which I did for 7 months before removing it.
I was then tested for day 21 which showed I wasn’t ovulating. So I decided to get clomid online (please don’t come for me). It didn’t work the first month but did on the second month which is this (ectopic pregnancy).

I feel so sad and upset and torn between feeling grateful that a) at least it was early stages instead of later on, b) I should be feeling grateful I have 2 DC when there’s woman out there with none and c) People are in generally worse off positions across the world

I’m angry and upset but frustrated that I feel guilty for feeling like this, as if these feeling are wrong or not valid.

I walked out of the hospital thinking I don’t want anymore children (even thought I desperately have for the last 2+ years) and that my 2 is and will be enough.

But I also feel so much anguish. I have always wanted a big family and I feel guilty even saying this but I have always felt that my family is (for want of a better word) “incomplete” unless 3+ children.

So now I have to wait to naturally miscarry.

And while I have decided (with emotions running extremely high) that I won’t try for more children….
I want to also know if it’s even possible to conceive after having an ectopic pregnancy.

I’m sorry for the long post

OP posts:

seriallylurking · 02/10/2023 18:15

I'm so sorry.
I've been there, although I only found out as I was miscarrying. it's awful.
It is possible to conceive again as they told me.
Sending so much love

RoseWrites · 02/10/2023 18:21

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was in the same boat last year on my 3rd round of IVF. I had a suspected ectopic, loads of tests later, i ended up having a miscarriage at 9 weeks. And it was 4 days before Christmas just to make it that bit more sh*t. I don't have any great advice apart from its totally crap physically and mentally. I was broken by the end of it. I hope you can take some time to give your body and mind some time. Sending love x

RoseWrites · 02/10/2023 18:24

Ps and to answer your question about if it's possible to conceive, I'm sat here 4 months pregnant. I'm absolutely terrified that something will go wrong, but so far things seem OK... I know everyone is different, but try not to give up hope just yet. Once you're feeling up to it, you could go and see a specialist and get further tests x

Original poster

Fanserve · 02/10/2023 18:27

Thank you @seriallylurking and @RoseWrites. I’ve only been home an hour and I’m switching between feeling numb and then crying uncontrollably. Also have a bad headache from all the crying. I need to pull myself together but can’t seem to. I’m also sorry for your experiences and Lots of love to both

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Original poster

Fanserve · 02/10/2023 18:28

That’s wonderful @RoseWrites I’m so pleased for you? How long after did you conceive?

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Original poster

Fanserve · 02/10/2023 18:29

Sorry that was supposed to be - I’m so pleased for you!

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seriallylurking · 02/10/2023 18:31

Fanserve · 02/10/2023 18:27

please let yourself grieve and fully process it. I once heard a quote along the lines of 'someone else's heart attack doesn't mean your broken leg isn't painful'. You're allowed to be sad here

Maybabyhopefull · 02/10/2023 19:25

I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I’m currently staying at the hospital waiting for surgery in the morning to remove my ectopic. I’m 27 and the idea of loosing a baby and a tube in the morning is devastating to me. I thnderstand what your going through and sending love x

Original poster

Fanserve · 02/10/2023 19:43

@Maybabyhopefull Im so sorry. Is your username in relation to this pregnancy? It makes me so sad. Sending you hugs and baby dust for the future love

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Goatsdorhone · 02/10/2023 19:52

Sorry you're going through this. I had a hetero ectopic last year (basically twins with one ectopic and one in the womb).
I had to have surgery there and then to remove the ectopic and then sadly lost the remaining a few weeks later.
We decided to try to conceive again 3 months later and very luckily I got pregnant and I'm now sitting here with a sleeping baby in my arms. We had to go to the EPU weekly and had a few scares with bleeding but thankfully all was ok in the end.
Wishing you all the best with what you decide going forward x

Maybabyhopefull · 02/10/2023 19:52

Yep, fell pregnant second cycle couldn’t believe my luck. Was due around may 27th. It is very sad, I’m still switching between acceptance and utter devastation right now. if it’s any consolation I’ve spent the last 48 hours on all sorts of forums and read hundreds of stories of ladies having successful pregnancy’s after ectopic’s and I have every hope that’s what’s in store for us next too ❤️

Blue2020 · 02/10/2023 20:00

My friend had an ectopic and lost a tube. She then went on (three months later) to conceive again. She has since had two children. The epau offered her additional checks in her subsequent pregnancies due to the ectopic.

thenewgirl2 · 02/10/2023 20:01

Sorry you’re going through this. I agree you need to let yourself grieve for now but I really sympathise with wanting to look to the future.

My experience was slightly different as I had a tube removed and it was my first pregnancy but I also decided in the worst of the early days that I didn’t want risk trying to conceive again. In the end I conceived twice again in less than a year. One a completely unrelated chemical pregnancy and the other a successful pregnancy.

What really helped me was a “consultant led follow up” about six months afterwards when the worst of the shock and grief had passed. I found it really useful to have a proper discussion about what had happened and what might happen in the future with someone who had my medical notes. Might be worth looking into something like that when you’re ready?

thelonemommabear · 02/10/2023 20:05

So sorry you are going through I've had 2 ectopics

One thing that struck me from your post though is that you said the hospital has sent you home and said you'll likely miscarry naturally....I'm not sure how they can say that after just one blood test and scan? Have they booked you to come back in in 2 days to repeat bloods and scan to check if your hcg levels are falling? In my experience hospitals and doctors/nurses are actually very misinformed about ectopic pregnancies and often dangerously so

Original poster

Fanserve · 02/10/2023 21:16

Hey @thelonemommabear sorry I wasn’t clear on this. Yes I am due to have bloods done in 2 days to see if the levels drop. I do hope it will now pass naturally and quickly

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Original poster

Fanserve · 03/10/2023 14:35

@Maybabyhopefull hun hope you’re doing okay 💖

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Maybabyhopefull · 03/10/2023 18:30

Thank you ❤️ I’ve just got home. Surgery didn’t go ahead I had the injection instead. Xx

Maybabyhopefull · 03/10/2023 18:46

How are you feeling? Xx

PinkDaffodil2 · 03/10/2023 18:53

I’m sorry, remember there’s all the emotion of finding out you’re not going to carry this pregnancy to term as well as the pregnancy hormones at the moment. They advise waiting at least 3 months before trying again from a physical but also emotional perspective this is sensible I think. Take the pressure off having to make any decisions for now.
I had an ectopic pregnancy and didn’t realise I was pregnant until it ruptured and bled lots into my abdomen I needed emergency surgery. That was pretty rough, but once we started trying again I got pregnant straight away, had a loss at 4 weeks then got pregnant the next month too! Obviously not ideal but the remaining tube clearly was doing a good job. DS 8 months sleeping on my chest now.

DemelzaRobins · 03/10/2023 19:14

I"m so sorry OP. It's a huge shock to find out but please try not to worry. Lots of ectopics can self resolve and there are also medical (methotrexate) and surgical treatment options available too. Take some time to let in sink in.

I had an ectopic last year (first pregnancy). I started bleeding at 7 weeks on a Sat. EPU wouldn't see me. By Monday it was worse and they agreed to see me. I had the scan that afternoon and they confirmed they could see the pregnancy in my right tube. They told me I was a good candidate for 'expectant management' and told me to come back first thing Weds for repeat bloods.

On Tuesday night I developed very mild shoulder pain and 111 told me to go to A&E. I was admitted at midnight and told nil by mouth and was cannulated for surgery. Got a second scan around 1pm Weds which found my tube had ruptured and I had internal bleeding. I was in surgery an hour later.

I was very worried about the impacts of losing a tube on my fertility, however, I have since conceived twice. One took 3 cycles and one took 2 cycles. It took me 5 cycles to conceive the ectopic when I had both tubes.

One of my nurses last year had 2 ectopics and then went on to have 2 DC. Lots of women who have an ectopic go on to have successfull pregnancies. You will be offered an early scan around 5 weeks to check the pregnancy is in utero, should you conceive again.

Original poster

Fanserve · 03/10/2023 20:20

@Maybabyhopefull Hopefully thats better for you than having the surgery. Rest up

OP posts:

Original poster

Fanserve · 03/10/2023 20:23

I’m still crying at times (like now) even though I keep being reminded by everyone that I should also count my blessings with 2DC. I also want it “out of me” now, as cold as that sounds. I need to move on for the sake of my mental health but I have a tendency to wallow in self pity so automatically crying spontaneously

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Original poster

Fanserve · 03/10/2023 20:24

@PinkDaffodil2 So sorry to hear you went through such an ordeal, but also so please to hear of your positive outcome with lo. Thank you for sharing x

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Original poster

Fanserve · 03/10/2023 20:29

@DemelzaRobins Thank you for sharing your story, I’m so sorry you went through such a tough time. It’s comforting to know you were able to go on to conceive. How soon did you start trying again? How long was it before your cycle returned? I think this is what scares me the most. My gynae health wasn’t the best preceding my bfp so I’m worried that after this ectopic is going to mess up my fertility even more :(

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Feckedupbundle · 03/10/2023 20:32

I'm so sorry to read this. I had 3.5+ years of unexplained infertility and after various treatments,was told that I'd never have children. I started acupuncture and was pregnant within weeks,but it was ectopic.
I had to have it surgically removed and two consultants told me that my already slim chances of conceiving again were now virtually nil,and if by some miracle I did, it'd probably be ectopic again.
I'm pretty bloody minded,so went back to my acupuncturist and was pregnant again 7 weeks after my op. I had a healthy DD.
When she was one,we decided to TTC again as we knew how long it'd taken before,but I was pregnant at the first attempt. I had another healthy DD,so had two children under two.
You can be more fertile after a loss apparently. I hope that whatever you decide,things go your way.

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