Confirmed Ectopic I’m so sad

[Fanserve]

Hi all,

I jhad a BFP 2 weeks ago and just had a scan at the EPU. I was referred to EPU due to some spotting I had the last few days.
I guessed I should be at 6+2 but the sonographer said she couldn’t see a pregnancy. They then took bloods and asked to rescan me (TV) and confirmed that it looked like I have an ectopic pregnancy and because it’s not growing rapidly, they aren’t overly concerned and based on my blood levels of HCG and Progesterone that I could miscarry naturally.

For context, I have 2 DC and 2nd DC took a while to conceive. I knew I wanted a 3rd so wanted to start trying as soon as DC2 was 9 months but I began to get gynaecological issues with non stop bleeding.
This was diagnosed as hormonal imbalance. Gynaecologists advised me to have mirena coil put in for 6 months minimum - for which I did for 7 months before removing it.
I was then tested for day 21 which showed I wasn’t ovulating. So I decided to get clomid online (please don’t come for me). It didn’t work the first month but did on the second month which is this (ectopic pregnancy).

I feel so sad and upset and torn between feeling grateful that a) at least it was early stages instead of later on, b) I should be feeling grateful I have 2 DC when there’s woman out there with none and c) People are in generally worse off positions across the world

I’m angry and upset but frustrated that I feel guilty for feeling like this, as if these feeling are wrong or not valid.

I walked out of the hospital thinking I don’t want anymore children (even thought I desperately have for the last 2+ years) and that my 2 is and will be enough.

But I also feel so much anguish. I have always wanted a big family and I feel guilty even saying this but I have always felt that my family is (for want of a better word) “incomplete” unless 3+ children.

So now I have to wait to naturally miscarry.

And while I have decided (with emotions running extremely high) that I won’t try for more children….
I want to also know if it’s even possible to conceive after having an ectopic pregnancy.

I’m sorry for the long post

I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and had a laparotomy to remove the tube. I conceived 6 months later after waiting for 3 of those as was advised to wait at least 3 months before trying again.

Look after yourself as it’s an incredibly difficult time to go through. I wish you all the best.

I understand how you feel with wanting it out ASAP. I was the same. Spent the time between diagnosis and going to A&E feeling like a ticking time bomb. I was very sad, obviously (that got worse with time before it improved) but overwhelming emotion post surgery was 'thank god it's over'.

I had my surgery in late October and started TTC in March. I was initially told I had to wait 6 months and then later it was clarified to 3 months. However, I just didn't feel ready until March.

My cycle returned 4.5 weeks after my surgery. I think the hospital said it would take up to 4-10 weeks to come back. My cycles were a little shorter at first (24 days instead of 28). The first 2 or 3 periods were heavier than normal but then settled down. Apparently that's quite common. I invested in some more period pants which was a wise move.

Also @Fanserve - check out the ectopic pregnancy trust. They have some really good info on ectopic pregnancy. I found their site very helpful.

Don't be afraid to ask lots of questions of your doctors about what's happening to you and also your fertility. When someone with an ectopic has surgery they will have a good look all around your reproductive system. I discovered I had a forward tilting uterus which may be a factor in my recurring UTIs. Even if you don't need surgery, you'll have quite a few scans and can ask them to have a good look at your ovaries etc.

Finally, make sure if you get any abdominal pain or shoulder pain, even if mild, that you go to A&E. My pain was so mild I wouldn't have acted on it if I didn't already know I had an ectopic pregnancy.