Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Did you tell family you were in labour?

64 replies

Jamjarcandlestick · 13/09/2023 22:49

We’re expecting our first baby.

the texts are flooding in asking if there’s any news.

My mum mentioned to me that they all (parents + siblings) presume that they’ll be told when I’m in labour.

At what point did you send out the news that you were in labour? Would you wake people up in the middle of the night? Wait until you’re in hospital?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MendedDrum · 14/09/2023 07:19

I'd intended to but after days of false labour I didn't think I was actually in labour until I was quite far along, at which point I was far too busy to think of texting anyone as DS arrived rather fast from that point!

Dacadactyl · 14/09/2023 07:22

2nd time round I didn't even tell my husband til I'd been in labour for 5 hours. Everyone else found out when baby was born.

First time round, we were living at my parents house so they knew cos we got up in middle of night. But if I didn't live with them, I'd have just waited til baby was born.

SallyWD · 14/09/2023 07:26

No, I deliberately waited until the babies were safely in my arms and then told them the good news.

ditalini · 14/09/2023 08:16

No! I told myself it was a kindness to my mum who would have been climbing the walls with anxiety. Far better for her to just get a call when it was all over.

TicTacNicNak · 14/09/2023 08:23

With my first DD I was at the in-laws for dinner and early contractions had started. I was wearing a TENS machine but we didn't say anything to them as MIL could be overbearing.

At one point I could feel a contraction building and went to turn up the TENS machine but overdid it and almost jumped out of the chair. MIL asked if I was ok and I said yes, fine, just a kick (with a pained smile). Went into hospital that night and everyone found out about 9am the next day when DD was born. Fortunately no mobiles then so didn't get hassled about "any news?"

Nejnej · 14/09/2023 08:23

Nope. Went into labour 1am, had LO 6pm and just phoned that evening to let them know they had a grandchild!

saraclara · 14/09/2023 08:25

No, with the first one we didn't tell anyone. With the second my SIL looked after the first, so obviously knew.

I knew both times my DD went into labour as her waters broke with #1 when I was with her, and I looked after the older one when #2 was in the war.

thecatsthecats · 14/09/2023 08:27

Somehow I feel like the calm and relaxed atmosphere for inducing oxytocin is not going to be aided by overanxious grandparents pinging your phone every five minutes!

I'm not telling until the baby is there.

thoushallleave · 14/09/2023 08:29

Yes but only to give them time to sort things out work wise as I was just over 3 hours away from them. It therefore wasn't just a 20 minute drive away which if it was I wouldn't have told them. I knew neither would turn up during my labour but would want to visit very soon after I gave birth which we were very happy with. As it happened I went into labour very early hours of Saturday, gave birth Sunday morning and both sets of parents made it for Sunday afternoon visiting.

Flubadubba · 14/09/2023 08:29

I used to send them this http://www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com/ or pictures of heavily pregnant animals. People got the message. I refused to share my due date, though.

Husband and I had a plan to only tell.people I was in labour when I was 8cm. Thankfully it was the middle of the night...

Have you had that baby yet?

http://www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com

Devilsmommy · 14/09/2023 08:31

My waters broke around 1am so nobody knew until after baby was born at 7.25am. The only person who needs to know Is whoever's going to the hospital with you, they can update family from there. You'll be far too busy to even think of anyone but you and baby.

Original poster

Jamjarcandlestick · 14/09/2023 09:28

I have a quite respectful family especially when it comes to boundaries. They know they’ll be invited over as soon as we feel ready and I’d be very surprised if they had the audacity to just show up.

it’s just that my mum presumed that they’d be informed that I was in labour.

As PP said upthread id hate to worry my family. Labour can go on for hours and hours, and that’s hours of them worrying unnecessarily.

I must admit it’s quite nice to hear everyone’s birth stories/labours. Thank you! :)

OP posts:

Gloopyhoop · 14/09/2023 09:42

Nope. No way would I want to let anyone know what my poor bits are about to go through 😂 And also being on a stopwatch. With my first (living at home) I quietly left in the middle of the night and told them when I was ready.

DuploTrain · 14/09/2023 09:46

No I didn’t tell them - just phoned when the baby was born.

It was 24 hours between first labour pains and giving birth - I didn’t want my mum staying up all night worrying because she hadn’t heard any further news.

And once labour was properly established there was no headspace for providing updates to anyone.

However with my second DC I will have to let my parents know so they can come and look after DS.

MariaVT65 · 14/09/2023 09:46

Omg I went 2 weeks overdue and had to turn my phone off because i was so sick of all the ‘any news yet’ messages.

No, you’re not obligated to tell anyone. No one needs an extra task when they are in labour.

Flubadubba · 14/09/2023 09:52

I probably should have added that I went ten days over in the hot summer of 2019, so days were painstakingly slow anyway, and I wasn't in the mood to try to make nice...

rhino12345 · 14/09/2023 09:58

God no!
I was specifically told by my mother not to tell her and that she didn't want to know 😂

rhino12345 · 14/09/2023 09:59

Spottypineapple · 14/09/2023 04:07

Don't!

The way I saw it, telling them would mean they would expect 'updates'. I knew I wouldn't be in a position, or want to give 'updates' which would just mean potentially hours of silence from me and therefore worry from them. And I didn't want to be badgered. I just rang them once baby had arrived.

This time I've even avoided telling them a due date. I've just said 'around the middle of X month' to avoid the badgering.

Also this with bells on

helloooitsmeee · 14/09/2023 10:35

Slightly different, I went in to be induced and made the mistake of telling all the family and some close friends. Some of my in laws turned up just as my contractions started to kick up a notch, I wanted them to leave but didn't want to say that and offend them, so had to ask my husband to come to the toilet with me, had a cry to him and he asked them to go.

My SIL turned up at my house BEFORE we'd even been discharged from hospital as she wanted to be the first to meet baby (then had a go at my husband via text because her kids were fed up of waiting for us to get home).

This time round, we'll only tell my mum as she will have DD, my best friend as she's my 2nd birthing partner and maybe our bosses (if I've not already taken maternity leave by that point). Can't be arsed with keeping people updated, especially when they disappear once they've met the baby 😕

inappropriateraspberry · 14/09/2023 10:37

No, didn't have a chance! Otherwise I would have told my mum as she would she looked after the our other child!
Apart from that we wouldn't tell anyone.
I was induced for my first and let people know when that was, but there was still no way of knowing when labour would have started! That was fast as well, but wouldn't have told anyone anyway. Why do they need to know?

WeWereInParis · 14/09/2023 10:39

Not with DD1.

With DD2 I was induced because my waters broke at 34 weeks, so people knew the date I was going in (plus PILs looked after DD1). But they didn't get any other updates until she was born.

Neither of these were a conscious decision, it just didn't occur to me to update them.

chantico · 14/09/2023 10:46

No.

No-one at all first time, and only the friend who was looking after the DC for the subsequent times.

I think labour is always better announced at its conclusion, not its onset.

Not being too specific about your EDD helps cut down the number of enquiries, as does a ansaphone message (if you're overdue) saying there is no news but people will be told when there is and if it's a text, then send same message just the once and simply don't answer any repeat enquiries

USaYwHatNow · 14/09/2023 10:47

My husband was working abroad when I went into pre term labour, so I already had my mum with me at the hospital, my dad and sister knew because my mum doesn't drive so they were her lift to the hospital and needed to know not to bother picking her up 😂 and my brother and SIL were on standby to rush my husband to the hospital from whichever airport he could get to 😂

In the end, everything stopped and I was actually induced 3 weeks after, and then we only told them we were being induced that day.

YouveGotAFastCar · 14/09/2023 10:49

God no. I didn't even give them the correct due date, to try and hold off that type of message...

Either ignore them or firmly but politely set expectations now that you'll let them know when you're up to letting them know. A fair few of the people I know who gave birth around the same time as me were so in the "bubble" with their new family that they announced a few days later... One or two weren't up to letting them know. On average, I think parents were told 2-3 days after baby arrived, which I think is very different to historic practices but isn't far from the average now (according to the NCT).

TomeTome · 14/09/2023 10:49

First time round I phoned halfway through Labour because dh was still on his way and the midwife had suggested I “go for a little walk round the hospital” and I got scared being by myself. Mum said to go straight back in and dh and baby arrived fairly soon afterwards! Dd phoned me in tears about something from Uni last year and I suddenly remembered it all. How freaky must that have been for my mum!!!?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread