How to handle this.....pressure to go 12 hour flight with what will be a 6 week old and a 20mo..

[PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt]

How to I make DH see that I'm not being unreasonable when I say I do't want us all to go on a 12hr flight to somewhere with an 8 hour time difference when new baby is 6 weeks old and DD is 20 months? (baby due later this year).
Location: a city - and he proposes a 2 week holiday there (which to me means padding the streets for several hours a day).

erm - tell him straight -suggest doing the holiday when kids are a bit older and its more appropriate holiday (although I'm guessing that may be some 20 years away as cant see many kids appreciating a city holiday)

I should add that it's his sister's wedding and she's had 4 previous committment ceremonies, she didn't come to our wedding and is not much good at family stuff in general. We had no idea this was happening - a save the date email came through a couple of days ago....

I wouldn't go unless it was to see family

4 previous ceremonies!? If you have go can you at least compromise on doing something a bit more restful

I have told him straight and that he absolutely must go himself if he would like to etc BUT I can't commit this side of the birth to anything that sounds as horrifying as jet lag, newborns, unknown births, other people's family, lost holiday (as bad timing to enjoy something like that) etc etc. He's not happy with me.

Are you certain new baby will be 6 weeks or could it be under 4 weeks if late arrivel? If so you may not be able to go anyway, airlines won't always take babies under a certain age

Part of me thinks - aw, bugger it just go it might turn out to be one of those crazy things that turn out to be brilliant. The other part thinks unless you are really excited about it refuse because if it turns out to be a nightmare - and it really might not - you will resent DH/SIL for a long time to come.

Sounds like hell.

Suggest he takes the LOs and see how he gets on?

4 previous committment ceremonies? Methinks they do protest too much...

The date is 8 weeks after due date and my first was 2 weeks late, so I'm assuming it will be 6 weeks old BUT we would need to get there at least a few days before to make sure all jet lag under some form of control, so that would make it 5-6 weeks old.

I want to burst in to tears. The day after DD's birth his mother came for 9 days (B&B down the road but she was with us from 10am to 11pm every day) and now she's told us she's planning a trip over to the UK the first week in August to another city (like heck) which is one week after baby is likely to be born.

Can I not have a baby in peace with nothing hanging over my head?!?!?

You are not being unreasonable. Actually, I could probably contemplate the whole thing with a 6 week old baby, but no way I'd travel 12 hrs with a 20 months

You could argue that it really isnt safe to take baby anywhere until he/she has had all sets of infant vaccinations. Besides, my gp adviced against me taking my baby onboard an airplane until baby was 3 months old, as the airdrums have not yet matured and might pop, possibly causing hearing problems for the baby. I just wouldnt risk it. Also, an airline cabin, which is one of the most germfilled places you could take a newborn, as the air is not renewed, but you breath everything a couple of hundred other passengers breathe out, is not really great for such a young immune system.

That is a very good point but unfortunately he wouldn't believe me if I told him that.

The newborn will be fine. Just wear him/her in a sling. I did 17 hours with a very refluxy 6 week old and it was the most restful time in the whole of his first 6 months! He just bfed non stop, which made a change from refusing to and screaming at home...Let dh take care of the 20 mo....

It's actually me I'm worried about, not knowing how I'll be feeling post birth but know that at the very least I will be knackered, and the 20mo and her jet lag. She's a bad sleeper anyway. Why oh why should i have to put myself through it??

Agree on the condition he and the dcs will be in knee-chewing economy and you will be in first.

oh don't get me started on that!! He thinks it's fine if you can afford it to put young children in frist / business with absolutely no regard for the other people that have paid through the nose to sit there themselves. He has zero empathy for the world around him. It's astonishing.

I wouldn't want to fly 5-6 weeks post-partum with the bleeding, bruising and discomfort. Let alone take a toddler and a new-born! What if you've had a difficult birth, or a C-section with a difficult recovery?

I agree.
I did mention this and he said I was being pessimistic and for all I know it will all be fine and I could do with being optimistic .

I told him before the last one that I might bleed for up to 6 weeks or so and again he said I was being pessimistic, despite me saying that's just what happens. It wasn't until he read up on lochia 4 weeks post partum that he realised what I'd been wittering on about. I was just trying to inform him in all that occurs

A 6 week old baby and a toddler?

NO way, I would dig my heels in and refuse!

I was advised not to take baby in a plane till he'd had first set of vaccinations. I'm so sorry for you that you have to argue this point with him when it's just bloody obvious that he should let you be the one to decide!!

I would not go. I perfectly see your point of "having a baby in peace".

If he persuades you please delegate TOTAL responsability of the 20 months old to him. Day and night and sorting out babysitting to go to parties, night waking, mornings and daytime entertainment.
He's got to be reasonnable too

I don't know if this helps - but both my children have dual nationality so by the time I had sent in original birth certificates and completed paperwork for 2 sets of passports and they were in my possesion my youngest was 12 weeks old and we only arrived in England the week before my brother's wedding. My oldest was 20 months when we flew in from Australia - the flight wasn't as bad as I had anticipated as we paid for a basinet seat and the passenger in the aisle was moved away from us and my eldest was in the middle seat and the baby slept in the basinet.

YANBU. Sounds awful but then I like early weeks with baby to be about local walks, staying in, getting settled, people visiting and all that. Can you suggest he goes alone (for less time), and get someone (e.g. a relative) to come and stay and help with the 2 children while he's away? Also very good point about eardrums/vaccinations and all that.
BTW I've flown a number of times in first and club with my daughter (when she was 5 mo, 11mo and 21 mo). I really don't see why I should confine myself to economy because I have kids. That said, we are pretty lucky and she has always been extremely well behaved and happy with whatever enormous holdall of activities we have taken along. Or maybe I just have zero empathy too! But I have never had any problems or negative comments and the crew are brilliant. And we've gone on air miles so not even paying.

I assume that he will sort out getting the babies passport in time... Would you be able to book the tickets before the baby is born because if not may be expensive...

Yes you can book before babies are born - they don't need a seat. Passport another issue though!