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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Breakup whilst pregnant

38 replies

elliegrace123 · 10/09/2023 18:25

Hey, just wanting to vent and ask for advice. I am currently 29 weeks pregnant and my partner has broken up with me, he said he’s not happy anymore and as he had a really toxic relationship previously he can’t continue as he’s too scared to feel the way he did before. We have spoken a few times since the break up a week ago and I’m really struggling to cope with it all, he hasn’t deleted anything of me off his social media and if I call he will answer the phone and message me. Part of me thinks he’s not sure if this is the right decision and the other part thinks it’s just guilt, I love him so so much and I never ever expected this to happen. I wish he had taken time to heal from his last relationship before being with me. He says he needs time on his own but says there’s nothing I can do to fix things right now, I am so confused all I want is for him to work on himself and come back. Has anyone experienced something similar and ended up working things out? I am so heartbroken

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 10/09/2023 18:37

This is really hard and definitely not what you need when you’re pregnant. I imagine he’s answering the phone etc because you’re pregnant and wants to check everything is okay.

Give him time and space, as you said, he’s probably jumped into a new relationship too quickly. There’s some problems in your relationship and it’s frightened him.

Id work on trying to be co parents- if that’s what you both want- and try to leave the romantic relationship to the side for now. If you want him in the baby’s life then explain that you’ll give him space but keep him updated about appointments. When the time gets closer, decide if you want him there for the birth or not.

Things may work out for you but right now you both need to make sure you’re happy so maybe for the best to have some time apart and focus on what you both want from a relationship.

louisiane · 10/09/2023 19:20

@elliegrace123 I feel for you, i have no advice but I'm in a similar position - 20 weeks pregnant and DP has said he wants to end things. I at first was devastated but thinking it through I'd rather we got on well enough for the baby than force something for us to both be unhappy in the end.

Original poster
elliegrace123 · 10/09/2023 22:53

Thank you so much for responding, I really appreciate someone being there to advise! I definitely think he jumped in too quick and didn’t quite realise how much trauma he’s carried from his past relationship up until now. We have agreed time and space is best for now and will talk in a few weeks, as much as I hope we can sort things I do think I would prefer not to if it means a happier home life for our baby girl. I’m trying to stay positive and keep myself busy for the time being in. He’s said no matter what happens he will be the best dad he can be and see her as much as he possibly can so I think for now that’s all I can ask for x

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Original poster
elliegrace123 · 10/09/2023 22:55

Bless you it’s the most horrible feeling isn’t it! I completely agree I’m so glad you’ve put it like that, for the baby’s sake I’d rather stay apart if we’re just going to be unhappy in the long run it’s just the fear of the unknown atm I think x

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RiderofRohan · 11/09/2023 07:57

@elliegrace123 gosh this sounds awful and I'm sorry you are going through this. But how long have you been together? Were you fighting a lot? Otherwise it all just seems rather odd that he would essentially pin his emotional issues from a previous relationship on you while you are pregnant.

Original poster
elliegrace123 · 11/09/2023 09:50

Thank you so much! We have been together for a year, the pregnancy was unplanned and definitely happened too quick and that did cause some issues but we got through them at the start. We never really argued but did bicker a little as I felt he didn’t spend much time with me and with being pregnant I started to feel really lonely. His ex was really controlling and I’m not sure if he feels like that’s what I’ve come across as, but all I wanted was a little more quality time together. He was unhappy in his last relationship for a very long time so I think as soon as he’s felt unhappy with me he’s just left before it gets too much for him without even giving us a chance to fix things :(

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LeeanneD11 · 11/09/2023 10:07

@elliegrace123
Hi I didn't want to read & run but I'm currently same as you 29weeks pregnant and going through the same situation with my current partner , 3rd baby and we've been together 13 years , we haven't spoke for weeks . It's really hard when your pregnant and your not with the partner . Im now deciding what to do to . I think it's fear for me , never been on my own . And especially with 3 kids it's hard . Always here if you want a chat xx

RiderofRohan · 11/09/2023 10:22

Honestly, it sounds like he is running scared. Not sure if he is using his ex as an excuse but I'm a little suspicious of him. Rather than abandon his pregnant GF, has he had counselling? This seems like a logical step that a mature man would consider. Pregnancy is bloody hard and it sounds like he's looking for an easy out.

Liveafr · 11/09/2023 10:51

I'm sorry you were left while pregnant, that must be very painful. Honestly, and I mean it in the most gentle way, it sounds like he's just not that into you and the ex is an excuse. The pregnancy might have made him realise that he doesn't want to commit to you, it's nothing wrong you did. However, it sounds like he is committed to be a good dad and a good co-parent. I'd advise you to not expect him to come back, and try to focus on yourself. Good luck

Original poster
elliegrace123 · 11/09/2023 14:19

I do agree, I think the whole being a dad has absolutely overwhelmed him and it’s only hitting him now. I do believe his ex caused a lot of trauma but I think the responsibility of being a dad also plays a massive part in his decision to leave. I may suggest counselling and see if it’s something he would want to look into x

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Original poster
elliegrace123 · 11/09/2023 14:22

Thank you so much. This thought has definitely crossed my mind more than once but I think back to before we’d split up and he honestly couldn’t do enough for me, absolutely worshipped the ground I walked on and nothing was too much. That’s why I think it’s so odd that he’s just upped and left, we have a house together and 2 dogs so a proper little family life! I think he was happy to commit to a relationship but maybe not so happy to commit to having a baby and all the responsibilities that come with it x

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Original poster
elliegrace123 · 11/09/2023 14:23

Bless you i am so sorry! It’s the most awful position to be put in especially whilst pregnant isn’t it, I’m the same I’m so scared to be on my own I really wasn’t expecting it nor am prepared for it! Thank you so much you too xx

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Stressyfab · 11/09/2023 14:36

Happened to me on New Year’s Eve last year. Now sitting here with the happiest four month old I have ever seen and wondering how I got through it all.
He initiated the breakup and it was hell, however looking back now I’m glad he did. He’s showing you who he is unfortunately. Wether he can pull it together to be present for the baby is all on him and not for you to try and guide him through, you’re going through enough. Please don’t get back with this man, you and your baby are the most important thing right now and where is he? Scum

LeeanneD11 · 11/09/2023 16:20

elliegrace123 · 11/09/2023 14:23

Bless you i am so sorry! It’s the most awful position to be put in especially whilst pregnant isn’t it, I’m the same I’m so scared to be on my own I really wasn’t expecting it nor am prepared for it! Thank you so much you too xx

It's horrible , I get emotional over it , and I wonder to myself could this best thing , is that what it's come to for now , am I going to be getting to the Co parenting stage for our babies , it's harder for us as we are pregnant and it's a horrible situation to be in . Me and my partner haven't spoke to each other in weeks . It's draining and stressful , thank you I appreciate that xx

Original poster
elliegrace123 · 17/09/2023 08:30

Does anyone know if there is a counselling service for men in the prenatal period? My baby’s dad is really struggling atm coming to terms with my pregnancy and being a dad, he’s in a really bad place and has finally agreed to get some help so I want to do my best to find someone right for him to speak to

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FiddleLeaf · 17/09/2023 08:38

He could start with Relate or the counselling directory. Also, many employers have counselling as part of a benefits package.

However, as kind as you are being, if this is truly about a controlling ex then I would take a step back. Suggest the above places & leave him to it. You haven’t been together long and to be frank, you should be raging this is happening. Focus on yourself during this time.

Original poster
elliegrace123 · 20/09/2023 15:43

Just thought I would update on this, just after I’ve made this post he came back and said he wanted some space and time apart and we would talk in a week to hopefully sort things out. He came back a week later and told me the reason he left is because he didn’t want a baby and it was all too soon and he was really struggling with coming to terms with it, we discussed counselling and he agreed we could look into it. The next day he came back and told me we’re over for good and he’s made up his mind, since then we have had next to no contact and I’m finding it really really hard. All I want is a family and I feel so betrayed that he made me wait and hold on for no reason at all, I know I need to let go but I can’t drop the thought that he might change his mind. How can I let go and move on from this?

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RiderofRohan · 20/09/2023 16:31

I'm really sorry this sucks. But it was evident from the start he was a toe rag walking out on his responsibility. We live in an age where 'trauma' is blamed for everything- easiest excuse in the book.

He's a deadbeat and I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you deserve better.

Original poster
elliegrace123 · 20/09/2023 16:59

I know, I feel like the past 2 weeks all I’ve done is try to see the good in him and try to understand why he was the way he was and it’s just made me look an absolute mug. I never expected him to be like this but I guess people’s true colours do come out eventually it’s just so hard to accept, it feels like it’s been any excuse to leave me. Thank you for replying, I think I’m annoying my friends going on about him 24/7 so it’s nice to be able to vent elsewhere hahaha x

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PartingGift · 20/09/2023 23:47

Sorry that this happened OP. But you really are better off without him. He's a coward, using his "toxic" ex as an excuse to leave you at 29 weeks pregnant is disgusting. His loss, look forward to life with your little girl and maybe look into some counselling for yourself. Look after yourself.

BabyHope1 · 21/09/2023 08:11

Hi OP. So sorry you're going through this, especially while being pregnant and with an unplanned pregnancy. You also have emotional struggles, and on top of that you're growing a baby inside you. So you have also physical and emotional distress.

All the negative feelings you may have towards him are totally justified.
The way he acted is so inconsiderate, that in the end it shows that you can't count on him. Hope though he will put himself together to show for his daughter.
All my best thoughts to you. To be able to put this on the side and try to enjoy your pregnancy and baby girl. Hope you have the support of your family and friends!

Original poster
elliegrace123 · 02/10/2023 14:55

Hey guys, another update! We had next to no contact for around a week and he came round yesterday to pick up the dog to walk him. He was so nasty and saying he doesn’t care about seeing the baby as long as his family can still see her. He’s told me not to speak to him at all going forward, and told his mum he doesn’t like her speaking to me as she’s ‘always taking my side’. She’s told him she will still be talking to me and he said ‘do what you want just keep me out of it’

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Summer2424 · 02/10/2023 15:02

Hi @elliegrace123
He's so out of order for speaking to you like that!

Continue on your positive happy path hun, you and your baby are the priority. You have so many happy amazing days to look forward to xx

Original poster
elliegrace123 · 02/10/2023 15:13

up until then he was saying he wanted a relationship with her and wanted to be there for her so I’m so confused how he has just switched and now doesn’t care at all!! I’m really trying to stay positive and concentrate on baby but he makes me feel so low and worthless :( xx

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BabyHope1 · 02/10/2023 18:50

He's the worthless one, OP. I know it's not helpful but he's really a selfish jerk. It's one thing that he wanted to break up with you. But saying he wants nothing to do with his daughter, especially when you are so far in the pregnancy, it's just the lowest a guy can get.