Breakup whilst pregnant

[elliegrace123]

Hey, just wanting to vent and ask for advice. I am currently 29 weeks pregnant and my partner has broken up with me, he said he’s not happy anymore and as he had a really toxic relationship previously he can’t continue as he’s too scared to feel the way he did before. We have spoken a few times since the break up a week ago and I’m really struggling to cope with it all, he hasn’t deleted anything of me off his social media and if I call he will answer the phone and message me. Part of me thinks he’s not sure if this is the right decision and the other part thinks it’s just guilt, I love him so so much and I never ever expected this to happen. I wish he had taken time to heal from his last relationship before being with me. He says he needs time on his own but says there’s nothing I can do to fix things right now, I am so confused all I want is for him to work on himself and come back. Has anyone experienced something similar and ended up working things out? I am so heartbroken

I rather wonder if he was the toxic one in his last relationship! He's waited up until now to tell you about his true feelings, when you can't do anything about the pregnancy even if you wanted to. He's essentially forced you to be a single mother, because before you would have had the choice to keep the baby or not. What a disgusting person.

No I completely agree! The way he’s being is so so selfish and I never expected him to be like this, he’s always been one to put everyone else above himself I think that’s why I’m finding it so hard to accept that this is who he truly is. He’s constantly hot and cold about the situation, he came by yesterday for some things and was asking how I am and how baby is?? I’m so confused as to what he actually wants and whether he’s gonna be there for her or not x

I was also thinking this! When we first found out about the pregnancy he did say he didn’t want it and we looked into our options but I couldn’t go through with a termination so we discussed it and he said he understood and would stick by me and we would make it work, I kept saying to him I would never force him to stay and I would understand if he wanted to leave but he persistently said he wouldn’t. After that he seemed to be excited about the baby and tried to be really involved, he even planned the gender reveal so I assumed he was happy! I wish he would of stuck to his guns from the off and I would of known I’d be on my own from the start, but I feel like he’s just pretended all this time x

I'm so sorry you're going through it. He sounds manipulative (or emotionally unstable).

I do think he may be very emotionally unstable at the moment, I’ve still got a really good relationship with his mum and she’s said she really doesn’t understand why he’s acting like this and saying it’s not like him at all. I’m trying really hard to get on with it and some days are ok but others I’m finding it really difficult. He hasn’t deleted any pictures or his relationship status from social media and that’s confusing me too, although I think it’s because he doesn’t want people asking him questions. His mum has said he won’t talk about it at all and also hasn’t told any other family members that he’s split up with me, I assume that’s just due to his ‘image’ or maybe guilt x

You’re investing so much time into thinking about and talking about and worrying about this man, who is also spending all his time thinking about himself.
what he thinks, what he wants, what his mental health is like, if he really wanted a baby, if he is protecting his image, what’s he doing on social media. Non of it matters. He got someone pregnant, so now he needs to step up and deal with it. That’s all there is to it. Just like you have to step up and deal with it, and the fact you’re now doing it alone. He doesn’t get out of it AND get to play the victim here, whilst everyone worries about him and tries to fix it for him just because he’s a man.

it sounds like you’re better off without him because he is clearly awful, I am sorry you’re experiencing this but please stop giving him your time and energy and focus on you and the baby. Figure out what you want, and he can fit into that

Totally agree with PP. You have to take care of yourself and the baby and stop investing your energy in him.

He’s unreliable. He might come back apologetic but don’t believe it as the next week he’ll be cold again. Just focus on you and the baby.

Thank you. I think I really needed this, I’m stressing and worrying and thinking about someone 24/7 who isn’t ever thinking about me or his baby. I’m really hoping and praying it won’t be long until I can just let go and stop thinking about him. Me and baby deserve more than all of this stress :(

I really do :( my dad wasn’t around when I was young so I feel like that plays a part in why I can’t let go because I wanted better for my baby, but I need to realise her dad not being here may be better in the long run x

Completely agree! It would only revert back to how it is now eventually and that wouldn’t be fair on me or baby, I can’t wait till the day I finally realise it’s best that he left hahaha x

Hi OP,

I was just looking for an update on how you are getting on? I’m in the same boat.. 28 weeks pregnant (5 years together and our second baby though)

Hi, how did you get on? 4.5 years together and dumped at 26 weeks pregnant. Currently 34 weeks now and still struggling. He wants to be there for his son but wants nothing to do with me. Such a sad situation as I thought he loved me.