Bridesmaid at almost 39 weeks

[becomingfall]

Title says it all really. I feel super selfish with how much I am dreading the day as the bride is my best friend and she was so excited when I got married and went out of her way in every way possible.

I’m just over 37 weeks now and unsure what this baby is doing but I can’t manage more than 30 mins without having to pee (and then it’s mostly just a waste of time trickle!) and my bump just suddenly feels SO heavy, like my round ligaments are pulling down into my legs when I’m up and walking around- it’s unpleasant!

Coupled with the general end of pregnancy exhaustion I just can’t drum up any enthusiasm for the day. My dress is maternity but has no give at all around the ribs- I haven’t put weight on here but my rib cage has expanded making it so tight and uncomfortable, I’m dreading wearing it all day. I’m 100% taking a different outfit for after photos/meal but when I mentioned this and the reason to the bride she was a bit funny with me. I wouldn’t be too upset if I happened to go into labour the night before, I just feel like a bad friend though 🙈

Poor you! Sounds like you’re ready for pregnancy to be over with and meet baby!

You seem to feel guilty and say you are somehow selfish for being 39 weeks pregnant at the time of the wedding, but you really shouldn’t feel that way. You can’t live your life planning pregnancies and births around other people’s special days. Reading between the lines, it sounds like the bride might be being a bit huffy and making you feel bad. Tbh I’m amazed she hasn’t given you a get out from being a bridesmaid, by 39 weeks you could well have had the baby anyway. Perhaps she has become a bit self absorbed about her wedding, it seems to happen a lot.

Take it easy and be kind to yourself!

I think it's a bit unreasonable and inconsiderate of the bride to insist you still carry out bridesmaid duties at 39 weeks pregnant. Can't you both between you come up with a replacement for the day? You might want to wear an incontinence pad in case you trickle because you can't get to the loo. Sit down as much as you can.

Surely when you knew you were going to be 39 weeks pregnant on wedding day you would have stepped away from official duties, be nice if you turned up but no guarantee that you would

God lord woman, tell her you can't do it! How dare she give you a sulky attitude because your heavily pregnant body isn't comfortable in a tight frock? What sort of friend would want to put you through all that? She sounds nuttier than squirrel shit.

You need to be saving your strength, not running around after a spoilt madam with "my day" syndrome. I would tell her it isn't feasible, and if she had a shred of decency she would see sense and apologise for the huffy behaviour.

Why did you both decide to continue with you being a bridesmaid knowing that you would be 39 weeks. ?

Is this your first did you not know how terrible you would feel?

You poor thing. Your friend is so lucky to have you. I'm 40 weeks and I'm so pregnant I can barely face replying to mates' Whatsapps at the minute, never mind attending their weddings.

Sorry but I think you should have had a frank discussion with the Bride a looong time ago about the reality of this. A good friend would understand, not be annoyed at you for stepping back from bridesmaid duties.

Does your friend have a back up plan in the high likelihood that you either can make it at all, or can't do your 'duties' on the day? I found even just being a wedding guest at 28 weeks tough.

It's two weeks to go, you need to be honest with here ASAP about how you're feeling and the reality of now being able to be on your feet all day etc so she's not disappointed on the day. Like I said if she kicks up drama then she's not really a friend at all.

I wouldn't even be going to the wedding at 39 wks let alone being a bridesmaid.

Is the venue near the hospital? What happens if your waters break as you go down the isle?

Sitting in uncomfortable chairs, hanging around for photos... No thanks.

Time to tell the bride that you can't.

Take your hospital bag to the wedding OP... I was a bridesmaid at 25 weeks, that was miserable enough!

I agree with others, who on earth, after finding out they would be 39wks at wedding, would proceed. That’s nuts, and selfish to a point. It’s highly doubtful someone would be there at 39wks, I wouldn’t have been with half of mine, I was in a hospital bed nursing a 1 day old. Surely this didn’t just creep up on you in the last few weeks🤯.

I'd be telling her the midwife had said that I'm not fit to be so active / standing / walking etc and that you'll have to bow out.

Have you tried a bump support belt?

Currently 35 weeks and I honestly can't think of anything more horrific than this. I can barely make it round the co op at the minute! You need to bow out gracefully

Have you not got time to get the dress altered with a bit of elastic by the zip or whatever? But agree with all of the above too.

@becomingfall my sister was my maid of honour at 39 weeks, she had my niece 5 days after we got married. She looked absolutely radiant in her dress (my mum handmade my bridesmaid dresses) I would’ve done anything to make her comfortable on the day, I was just pleased she was a big part of the day. She went off for a lie down mid day. The only part I really wanted from her was walking down the aisle after me but everything else I was just glad she was present to be there with me.

just speak to your friend hopefully she can be understanding xx

This.

I bet there is another friend or relative just itching to be bridesmaid. Tell your friend to stop being such a selfish diva. Does she want you going into labour before she's said her vows?

Were you pregnant when she asked you?

Tell her the Midwife has put you on bed rest. Seriously think of your baby. This is madness. You need to have the conversation with her. If she really is a friend she would not be wanting to put you or your baby through harm/stress.

I’ll try and address everything here rather than in individual replies!
i think mainly the reason I feel like I can’t be the one to step out now is our other best friend (also bridesmaid) is also pregnant but will now be delivering week of the wedding so of course won’t be there so I feel like I have to be- I know I know.

I knew about being a bridesmaid pre-pregnancy but having never wanted to be treated any different than a non-pregnant woman throughout I just figured yes I’d probably be uncomfy but I’d cope- yes with hindsight this was naive.

belly bands- I’ve never found one I’ve not found really irritating but I do kinesio tape the bump most days which helps!

unfortunately I can’t play the “midwife says don’t” card- I would say why but I’m always worried about these posts getting picked up by FB or articles and that would be super identifying but it’s related to our jobs.

She’s had so much family drama going on honestly I was just trying to be a good friend and not heap anything else on her. She’s had a lot of years of fertility issues whilst me getting pregnant went from “I don’t really want kids” to oh surprise I’m having a baby so I feel like I’ve tried to minimise any disruption from being pregnant to not hurt her or remind her of what she doesn’t have yet. Basically I’m just trying to be a people pleaser but probably at the expense of my own MH at this stage.

I know I need to grow a pair and have a discussion with her- thank you to those of you who left kind and supportive words!!

Honestly attending as a guest at this stage is madness enough but as a bridesmaid it's borderline insanity.

Definitely have a discussion asap. It's not your responsibility to feel guilty her other bridesmaid is having a baby too and therefore won't be attending, it's poor timing but just one of those things.

No idea why you can't say the midwife has said it's not a good idea, realistically you could have a baby or be in labour? Please put yourself and baby first and say it's not possible.

You can't do it. Baby could come at any moment.

I think a lot of women don't actually realise the physical toll pregnancy takes on their entire body till they've done it. I had one friend who said "I'm not going to bother with maternity clothes" - she gave in around 25 weeks!

I can understand why the bride feels a little upset especially as your other best friend is delivering that week (how lovely for you to be having your first, I assume, babies together), and maybe part of it is her feeling the odd one out as you will probably spend more time together bonding over your new babies.

Time for a realistic talk - what will she do if you have the baby that week and she suddenly has no BM? Can you arrange to change out of your BM dress at the reception? Is there somewhere you can go for a rest?

Also, if you do make it to the wedding, be prepared for "jokes" from guests you don't know about "are you sure it's not twins", "thought it could end up a joint wedding and christening" etc. 🙄

I think it's a bit late to
Pull out now. I went to a wedding on my actual due date and I was a bridesmaid when I was 30
Weeks pregnant so I feel your pain but it's not that bad. It actually offers a bit of a distraction from being massive and uncomfortable. On the assumption the wedding isn't hours away from your hospital then I would still go but just leave early after the meal or the first dance and make sure you do lots of sitting down. In reality there aren't really many duties for a bridesmaid other than supporting your mate and being there for her big day.

I think pulling out now would be really damaging to your friendship and I can see why.

Does she have any other bridesmaids? She's already down one and then you pulling out could mean she has none? I don't really get why people - accidents aside - if they know they are an integral part of a wedding party don't skip a month TTC so as to avoid situations like this

I’d probably just leave after the meal OP. I agree it’s too late to pull out. I went to a wedding at 38w. I spent the entire time trying to find a comfortable chair, I wore flip flops because of swollen ankles, and the loo wasn’t that close to where we were eating so I missed the speeches. We left at 8pm and I was completely exhausted. Do what you can for your friend but don’t overdo it.