Found out pregnant TODAY - shock!- DD only 5 months. Advice????

[ellensmelons]

I'm over the moon of course, as am pushing 38 and wanted children close together. DD is so gorgeous, a great sleeper and can't wait for the new arrival in late Oct. I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who's had children close together - both in terms of coping with the pragnancy and practicalities after the birth. I'm up one minute and panicking the next. Help!

Hi ellens, my dds are 11months apart. Tbh, the hardest part was pregancy. Lugging around a 10month old with a huge bump was a struggle but you manage.

You will probably have sleepless nights wondering how you're going to cope but the simple answer is - you do! You just need to be a little more organised and a little less worried if you spend a whole day in your PJs and your house is a pig sty (get used to it!) It really doesn't matter.

I think in some ways it's easier to have children close together (certainly in the long term) because you're already in 'baby mode'. The older they become the harder it is to 'go back' imo.

It is tough, there's no denying but it's so wonderful too. My dds are now 4 and 5. They narrowly missed being in the same class at school - thank goodness. They fight like cat and dog and my house, even with just two children, feels like a war zone but they are so closely bonded. And a lot of that is to do with their close gap.

Many congratulations.

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Get into slings so you can avoid a beastly double buggy!

I have to confess to being jealous but it is lovely news.

Try not to worry too much and relax.

I did, 15mths apart. The first 6 mths was a shocker, but once you get over that it does get better, I promise. Now when they are in the bath together and splashing each other it makes it all worthwhile.

dd1 22mths, dd2 7mths.

Congratulations!

Its fine. Physically hard work (especially if DC1 isn't walking), but there are huge benefits.

Such as - you have two babies, which means they do the same thing at the same time near enough. One lot of teething instead of two, that kind of thing.

You don't get used to a full nights sleep, so you won't miss it.

If you are physically fit, and have had an exercise routine of sorts, stick to it. Fitness and stamina will help hugely.

After about two years you reap the benefits. My boys are 14 months apart, are very close, both like the same things and share friends. The fight and I referee, sometimes constantly, but they have companionship and comfort from one another.

I didn't realise how hard it was until I looked back on it. At the time I just did it and got through it. But I found going from 1 child to 2 hard, not the age gap as such.

I felt terribly guilty for DS1, as I realised he was still a baby, but compared to the newborn, he was MASSIVE. He went from baby to toddler in an instant. I really beat myself up, and felt terribly guilty about it. I also felt guilty for the new baby, as I was trying to over-compensate for DC1. In reality, I should have just cuddled up on the sofa with my two babies and not tried so hard.

Now I have 2 more DCs, so have 4 6 and under. I could go on about how great it is having them close together, but I've gone on quite long enough and have probably bored you to sleep

I just want to say congratulations to you ellensmelons and also knickersonmahead, lovely news.

I only have the one baby just now, but my friend has 2 close together. She got a new buggy. But I've recently noticed this cool artical in Scotland Parenting magazine called a 'Buggypod Smorph'.

It attaches easily to most pushchairs cost RRP £90. I just thought this might save you some money rather than buying a new double pram.

www.buggypod.com

Don't make any permanent decisions about more kids either. You may feel for a couple of years that you've got quite enough to deal with but one day you will be able to look back and see what a Superwoman you have been and maybe hey, a third child could just slot in perfectly wouldn't it?

agree with lulalullabye - the first 6 months will nearly finish you off. I had a dd1, age 4, dd2 14 months when I had ds. And as dd 2 was a premmie, she was more like a 10 month old - ie very small, not walking etc. However after the first 6 months, it all gets easier. They were (are) great friends. I was even back at work within the year! So although it's hard to start with , it'll get easier.

Buckets, I so know what you mean. the first six months it is NO definatly not and then goes to maybe and then very quickly yeah probably. But not for at least another two years.

Congratulations

I have 15 months between my wonderful boys and they really are a blessing.

You will manage. I had a c-section and found that lifting a toddler was hard, so my best advise would be avoid one if at all possible.

I became super organised and get their clothes out the night before etc.

I had a sling too, but also a phil and teds and it is wonderful even nowe that DS1 is nearly three, he will occasionally use the second seat and if not it is great for shopping.

I actually found the pregancy easier until the last month, you just manage as you have no alternatives.

Stock up the freezer with meals and accept all offers of food, ironing, cleaning etc, as you will really need to nap if they are both asleep. In fact that was the hardest part. With DS1 I could go back to bed with him, but once he was 15 months, he wanted to be up and about, so I got much less sleep.

Good luck, it will be wonderful.

Oh and another tip, go to as many toddler groups etc as you can, as people will always hold the new one for you, so you can get quality time with your first adn also a cup of hot tea or coffee

Yep, DS was just turning 2 when I got broody again, totally unexpectedly. We'd been looking into egg donation and suddenly my eggs became potential siblings for DCs rather than spare zygotes.

Lots of pros here!
I have 17 months between mine and it's fab. There is no jealousy, she adores her big brother and will spend hours just standing in her walker watching him (25 months and 8 months now).
The hardest thing for me was when she was breastfeeding 10 hours a day and he was bored, so, we went out nearly every day to toddler groups where my ds played and I sat feeding or we went to friends houses with little ones ds's age and again I sat feeding whilst my lovely friends fed me tea and cake! I also did give her top up bottles when it was getting too much.
I slept when they did and went to bed very early until she started sleeping better at about 8 weeks.
My mum had a week off work to help when DHs pat leave was up so that was really appreciated
As for the pregnancy, the worst thing was changing dirty nappies when I had morning sickness. I didn't put on anywhere near as much weight second time and felt great until the end, I put this down to having to get up and go to the park etc instead of lying on the sofa eating as I did with ds pg!! I was on midwife led care, and was intending to be out within 6 nours of giving birth, but I had PROM and she was a bit poorly so I was in hosp 7 days after she was born. This was really annoying at the time but now I know it was much needed rest and relaxation.
I love my double prams although they get a lot of stick! We had a first wheels city at first so baby was in a carrycot that it was brilliant however it was huge and took up my whole hall so once she was about 4 months it was a twin techno.
Congratulations

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p.s if you feel you are struggling, get out, talk to people, because no matter how cool calm and collected people look, they probably are going through the same as you !

Wow! Thank you so much. My husband has already phoned his sister and bagged her double buggy! Cheeky thing. I am taking a huge deep breath at the mo because i had bad morning sickness and a relaxed sacro-iliac (sp) joint which was hugely painful in my last pregnancy. I'm feeling a bit less panicky.

KKx - will look at attachment tho, thanks.

Knickersonmahead -what a coincidence! It's very comforting to feel i'm not the only one in this situation. How do you feel? Was it planned?

Foxythesnowman - my sister-in-law said she needed to talk to me about the guilt thing! Also, dd1 has got her 2 bottom teeth,so i think we have got over the worst of the teething. Touch wood...

TheMadHouse - great advice thanks! I'm going to be extra nice to my baby and toddler group friends!!!!!! Luckily there are loads around here so i've plenty to go to.

Willdaisymummy - thanks! Plan to breastfeed as well, so have 8 months or so to train dd to amuse herself.

Buckets - slings! will have a look - we have a babybjorn but it's a bit of a kerfuffle getting her in. Are slings easier?

Thank you everyone else. Just been talking finances with DH. Another minefield.

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Well my last period (dont know acronym) was 20th jan. I write them on the calendar and try to avoid fertile times! Obviously didn't work. So must be about 5 and a half weeks. It's not like we do it much either!! And we both can't think when it could have happened!

Due to fly to spain mon for 5 days so hope sickness stays off till get back.

I feel quite tired, but then dd was up last night so not sure if her or me!

It all seems a bit surreal. Totally unexpected. Like someone's slapped me in the face with a wet fish.

ellens, i have a DD 2yrs, DS 11 months and am over-due with DC3.....and i wont lie, its bloody hard, you can get more tired, irritable and snappy than ever before (at least i have been ) BUT now that DS is walking he and DD are playing together and they can amuse themselves a fair bit so it takes the pressure off a bit! Be prepared that you might not spend as much time with DC2 than you did with DC1, its just not possible, but remember that they wont know any different and whatever you do will be the 'norm' for them - if you know what i mean. I found that DS2 had to fit in with our already established routine, and the sooner you can do that the better IMO. As others have said, mess is inevitiable so dont stress over it, and DEF accept help, whenever its offered!

I personally love the fact mine are all close together, it means i get it all 'over and done with' in a short space of time!!

Totally worth it in the end - good luck and congratulations!!

will be fab,,I have a 4.4yr old ds, dd1 is 2.2yrs and dd2 is 14mths. There is 12mths between them and it is lovely. They look out for each other and play together[although at the min they also fight] In the first year it is hard when they teeth at the same time but other than that I love it.

congratualtions . I'm in a similar situation, but my DD is 9mo so I'll have a whole 17 mo between mine, as well as a six year old DS.

I'm bloody terrified as I turned 39 at the beggining of the month and found my pregnancy with DD difficult and took a long time to recover from the c-section I had.

I've talked to a few paople with small age gaps though and everyone is very positive about the experience as a whole (but I suspect they are just keeping quiet about the horror of it all .

Tjher is a two under two support thread somewhere, but maybe we should start a two under two and pushing 40 thread .

Are you due in November? If so I'll probably see you on the AN thread

hiya Nemo!!

my friend had her first in Aug 05, her second in Oct 06 and is having her third in about a month

Congrats on your pg

ellensmelons - congratulations. May I suggest you seek some contraceptive advice though when this LO is born - two under two is doable, three under three well you'd be a braver woman than me.

Actually I think it's fabulous. I'm looking at a 20 month gap which means I will have tantrums from DD while DS is still in constant limpet mode.

But all gaps work out in the end. I'm finding pregnancy very tiring because my DD runs around all day and I have to chase her - you'll miss out on that particular pleasure. But you might want to pay particular attention to your diet and take supplements, it can take the body up to nine months to recover from pregnancy on a nutritional level and you don't want to end up anaemic and just knackered later on.