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Original poster

Shouldn't of snooped

47 replies

Solly492 · 23/08/2023 07:40

I know some people are gonna say this is my own fault and I very much think the same but nonetheless....I'm currently pregnant 26 weeks to be exact and on Sunday its my birthday(which I don't celebrate) but my partner has been asking what I'd like. I've already said that I'm not intrested but he seems determined to get me something. His sister mentioned rings 😅 now I've never been one to want to get married so this sent a little panick in me and it getting the better of me I decided to stupidly snoop on his phone, now although rings were searched for so was a very recent search (as in yesterday morning) of "I don't/why dont i find my pregnant girlfriend attractive/ sexual attractive" 😑 this hurt I already have huge insecurity about how I look and baby weight especially since I suffered with an eating disorder. Now I feel down and indifferent to him...SHIT !!

OP posts:
LouLou198 · 23/08/2023 07:46

So sorry op that is brutal.
I honestly would be re-assessing if I wanted to bring up a child with this man. I certainly would not be marrying him.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 23/08/2023 07:49

Yo had no indication of this before. So he’s not made you feel any different instead has, turned to online, to find answers to what is a very common question rather than letting you know how he feels.

not being sexually attracted to pregnant people is not unusual.

he’s not done anything wrong here. You are the one who has violated his trust by snooping through his phone.

Shouldbehoovering · 23/08/2023 07:57

I agree with your second reputable here, he hasn’t don’t anything wrong. You clearly felt secure in the relationship before you went snooping and I’d suggest he is a doing a good job of supporting you with your pregnancy as you haven’t mentioned otherwise. It’s not his fault if he doesn’t find pregnancy sexually attractive, and maybe this is because he is worried about potentially hurting you or the baby - I know it wouldn’t but actually he seems to be trying to work out why he is feeling like this and maybe resolve the issues he is having without upsetting you or making you question how he feels about you (plus he was looking at rings….)

I assume he knows and is happy with you having access to his phone, if not I think your snooping is a far bigger problem.

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 23/08/2023 07:58

Is this internet history or google search history? Just because if anyone checked my internet history there are loads if
MN threads about affairs, pregnancy, and a whole mix of things that I have read rather than searched.

morag1234 · 23/08/2023 08:11

Oh that must've hurt so much.

I don't have anything useful to say but I have heard of a few men who have felt this way.

He hasn't mentioned it to you so he obviously respects you and doesn't want to make you feel like shit.

Original poster
Solly492 · 23/08/2023 08:16

Very open phone thing between us, he has access to my phone to very open thing. I have nor would I ever pry on his messages this was a Google search history look and that is all.

OP posts:
CateringPanic · 23/08/2023 08:19

LouLou198 · 23/08/2023 07:46

So sorry op that is brutal.
I honestly would be re-assessing if I wanted to bring up a child with this man. I certainly would not be marrying him.

I don’t think this is fair. It’s not like he told the OP he doesn’t find her attractive anymore. He searched something on his phone which he had the right to assume was private.

If anything, you could argue that he is clearly concerned about this and was looking to the internet for help.

OP cannot raise this without it being obvious that she has looked through his phone, which is a huge breach of trust. I think you just need to leave it and, if you must, perhaps have a gentle conversation with DP about the intimacy in your relationship now that you are pregnant.

Is he a good partner otherwise?

Blueey · 23/08/2023 08:19

It may not be related to pregnancy weight or anything like that. Some men find just find pregnancy sexually off putting, some men find it extra hot. I think PP are a bit harsh telling you to think about whether you want to be with this man. Sounds like it's bothering him and is a surprise to him hence he's trying to find out what's going on. It's clearly not obvious to him why he feels that way which further makes me think it's nothing to do with weight.

You are super unreasonable trying to peek at your present though! Would you then just feign surprise when you got the gift? That's mad. But then I believe small deceptions are no good for a relationship anymore than big ones are.

DuploTrain · 23/08/2023 08:26

I really don’t think it’s that bad OP. It creeps me out a bit that there’s a tiny human living in me. I wouldn’t be surprised if DH also finds it a bit unnerving.

Of course it’s hurtful, but try not to take it personally - it’s that he doesn’t find you attractive as a person, just that pregnancy is a bit of a barrier for him.

Original poster
Solly492 · 23/08/2023 08:27

There is a very reasonable and huge reason why I do not celebrate my birthday he is very aware of the reasoning he is also very aware that I don't have any desire to get marry. So looking to prepare or gentle pursue him not doesn't feel like an issue to me. I live the man dearly I don't want to hurt or make him look a fool.

OP posts:
Original poster
Solly492 · 23/08/2023 08:33

DuploTrain · 23/08/2023 08:26

I really don’t think it’s that bad OP. It creeps me out a bit that there’s a tiny human living in me. I wouldn’t be surprised if DH also finds it a bit unnerving.

Of course it’s hurtful, but try not to take it personally - it’s that he doesn’t find you attractive as a person, just that pregnancy is a bit of a barrier for him.

Thank you, I to find unerving and slight weird to and do get that there can be a struggle, suppose I was trying to kid my self in thinking he'd think I was glowing and beautiful haha

OP posts:
SMG1992 · 23/08/2023 08:43

Oooh sorry you found this as it would obviously make you feel insecure about your changing pregnant body.
I can tell that my husband doesn't find me as attractive being pregnant. I think mention to him you saw it and let him know how it made you feel, also it might give him an opportunity to talk about it rather than searching the internet.
You are not meant to be super sexy right now, you are growing a person inside of you.

Allyyson · 23/08/2023 09:06

@Solly492 I really don't think this is that bad - listen he's probably more upset then you that he is not finding pregnancy attractive, you can't help what you are attracted to and not all guys find it attractive - indeed not all pregnant women feel attractive or sexy either. BUT it won't last forever - at the moment maybe he's struggling but that doesn't mean he loves you any less or doesn't want to marry you - but in the short term he sounds a bit confused. Do you feel sexy? are you instigating anything yourself? - maybe he's afraid to...... maybe he doesn't know if he can or if he should. Don't get in your head about this okay. Also don't ever go through a partner's phone or emails - total breach of trust and you were wrong to do that.

CR7 · 23/08/2023 09:16

@Solly492 it must be very hard to have read that. I would say that I'm also very pregnant so I get even more how you feel.

The good thing is he isn't searching for "I don't find my partner attractive."

I know that my husband is very loving and kind but he (as well as me) finds my new body a bit scary and weird.

Yes you shouldn't have done it, but you did so stop blaming yourself.

If it was me I would talk to him about it as it will fester in your brain.

Also I have searched for all sorts of things I wouldn't want other people to see. Don't be too hard on him. As someone else said, it's good that he is looking for answers and guidance xx

DrMarshaFieldstone · 23/08/2023 09:30

LouLou198 · 23/08/2023 07:46

So sorry op that is brutal.
I honestly would be re-assessing if I wanted to bring up a child with this man. I certainly would not be marrying him.

Why? It was a Google search. I suspect there are lots of men who have very complex feelings around their attraction to their partner during pregnancy and he was trying to find advice. I feel for the OP as it must have been painful to read but when you snoop you risk finding uncomfortable things.

HowAmYa · 23/08/2023 09:40

You shouldn't have snooped. This open phone policy is ridiculous.
Everyone has the right to research for answers for any thought they have. He hasn't treated you differently. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to look for ANYTHING.
I've googled some very eyebrow raising things, especially related to something I've read on mumsnet. (The tantric therapist from a thread yday being a very bad one!) I'd be very pissed of my partner saw and then started acting hurt over something that was private and he shouldn't have felt the need to see in the first place.

VillageFete · 23/08/2023 10:48

I know my partner finds me unattractive when pregnant. I asked him openly and honestly and he said “It’s not you as such, I still love you the same, I just see you differently when you’re pregnant. It’s not attractive to me because I know there’s a human growing inside of you. You’re constantly tired, moaning, in discomfort and can’t tie your shoes” 🤣

I totally get it. Non of my clothes fit me and I feel rubbish! I understand his feelings, and I bet a huge amount of men feel the same. Please don’t take it to heart. X

Chanhedforthis · 23/08/2023 11:17

DH would not go anywhere near me when i was visibly pregnant, it freaked him out.
Currently pregnant again and i totally get it, it's not my best look 😂.
You're not alone op, my gorgeous model looking friend asked her DH for sex to bring on labour and he refused, said it was too weird.

Have a talk with him op, but it's more common than you think

Hufflepods · 23/08/2023 11:20

Of course it is still prying to go through someone's search history!

At the end of the day he can't help how he feels. He hasn't acted like he can't be near you, or treated you badly. Plenty of men don't find pregnant women attractive and plenty of pregnant women don't feel sexual while pregnant.
All normal feelings, the poster suggesting you shouldn't stay with him is mental!

itsallnewnow · 23/08/2023 11:57

You can find someone beautiful and not sexy. I didn't feel sexy at all during my pregnancy, no idea what DH thought lol

StopStartStop · 23/08/2023 12:03

You don't want to marry.
He doesn't fancy you.
Kick him out. Why wallow in the pain? Let him go.
As for going through his phone - get it again and have a proper look. Or don't bother, as you need to get rid of him anyway.

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 23/08/2023 12:06

It's hoenestly fine.

I don't find women attractive when pregnant. And when I was pregnant it took .y husband a while to come around to being comfortable having sex.

It's a cruel joke that we can become so horny in that state.

If nothing told you he felt like this then he is doing what he can to process this in private. You should respect that choice.

Hufflepods · 23/08/2023 12:47

StopStartStop · 23/08/2023 12:03

You don't want to marry.
He doesn't fancy you.
Kick him out. Why wallow in the pain? Let him go.
As for going through his phone - get it again and have a proper look. Or don't bother, as you need to get rid of him anyway.

Have you even read the OP's comment? She doesn't want to get married.

Not fancying someone while they have a baby moving around inside them is really not that uncommon.

DrMarshaFieldstone · 23/08/2023 12:50

StopStartStop · 23/08/2023 12:03

You don't want to marry.
He doesn't fancy you.
Kick him out. Why wallow in the pain? Let him go.
As for going through his phone - get it again and have a proper look. Or don't bother, as you need to get rid of him anyway.

What a massive overreaction.

BananaSlug · 23/08/2023 12:55

I think its common. My ex told me he found it off-putting when I was pregnant. I think a lot of men do.

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