What to do during labour ( 5 year old child)

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My partner is currently 15 weeks pregnant and due to give birth at the end of January. We have a 5-year-old son but have little support around us. My partner's family lives abroad and my family lives all over the country with the closest family member being 1 hour drive away.

We have few contacts/friends around us and those that we do talk to have full-time jobs and work long hours sometimes night shifts + they have kids of their own.

My partner is starting to worry and put different scenarios in her head when it comes to going into labour who will look after our son if she goes into labour late evening/ early hours of the morning and what happens if she goes into labour when school is about to finish? I have told her things will be ok but in reality, we have no one to look after our son.

Has anyone else been in the same situation?

Not only is our son on her mind the last time she gave birth was by emergency c-section.

I was. We didn't have anyone to look after our 5 yr old so husband stayed at home with him and I went in on my own (life from a friend). I found it absolutely fine, in fact I preferred it as I only had to think about myself. The midwifes were amazing and I was never alone.

Have you looked at a doula? We looked at it but it was out of our price range.

Can someone from her family plan to stay with you for 2 weeks either side of the due date to be on hand?

If there is no one- I know people who have had elective caesareans due to having no support network, and needing to organise childcare for a specific time.

Can family be arranged to come either side of due date? Your family first half, hers second vice versa?

Elective section so you know when. Care can be arranged.

You stay at home. (Not ideal but alot of women say they prefer it, no offence 😂)

Tell your wife to speak to her midwife, they would have come across this loads so should have some helpful advise.

Do you not know any parents in your child's class. Am sure lots of them would have no problem having another child for the evening/overnight in these circumstances. Or at least until one of your family members can get there to pick them up.

I would be trying to build relationships with other school parents so you can build a bit of a support network, and so your son can have playdates. If you build up those friendships he may be able to have a sleepover in six months time when the birth comes along. But having your son do playdates is something you should be doing in any case, for you as well as for him.

My sister lives an hour from me but I was on standby to dash over as soon as contractions started moving along. I had a bag packed and ready in the car two weeks before due date and when the call came at 2am, I shoved my feet in trainers, threw on a hoody and drove over in my PJs. As soon as I arrived, they jumped in their car and I got straight into the spare bed and went to sleep till my niece woke up.

On the off chance things moved very quickly, my sis also had a trusted neighbour on standby who agreed to sit in the house till I got there, should they have to leave quickly.

Do you have a family member or a friend who'd do that? Plus a neighbour you trust who's a back-up?

Elective section.
Make friends.
Hire a nanny/babysitter who will be on call.

We had a similar situation as yours and I ended up going on on my own. It was fine. We had a planned section and it was gonna to work perfectly and she was going to be in nursery but the little one decided to come earlier. We could have dropped her with friends but she was at a tricky age and had never been away from us so we felt she needed her dad more than I did.

Similar situation - neighbour stayed with DS1 while DP took me in, then DP went back to look after him. TBH, despite everything going on (also ended up with EMCS), all I could think about when DP was with me was DS1 - it's like I wanted DP with DS1 so that I knew DS1 was alright.

Same happened when DS1 was born (and DS2) - if the baby wasn't with me, I wanted DP with him. I wanted the baby looked after over and above myself - obsession level of needing that to be how it was.

It's hard, isn't it. Anyone you know from nursery or after school club that does babysitting who might be able to do it in an emergency. Otherwise take the 5 year old with you. Hospitals should have provisions for women and families, it comes up all the time.
Otherwise home birth or an elective c section but it's ridiculous being forced into a surgery because of not having family around, hospitals should have a creche for this for the young siblings. Bring him with you. Women used to have children at home and nobody was too traumatised.

We’re in a similar situation but family is further away than 1 hour. We will have friends on standby to drop toddler to then family will travel down to collect her, but worst case in the middle of the night or we can’t get hold of friends will be me going in by myself.

Completely understand that friends or school parents won't be able to help out since they work and do own drop offs and pickuos Most people don't have stay at home friends on tap with nothing to do and sitting about ready to take someone else's child.
You need to recruit the 1 hour away relative to come over quickly or get them to stay with you or near you by the due date, staying not ideal of course..

Echoing those who have said bring him with you - my labour for my second was moving too quickly for my mum to get to us, so she met us at the hospital and we left our first with her in the cafe while we went up to the delivery suite. We hadn't sorted car seats so she was waiting there for a couple of hours until DH escaped and got her sorted to go back to our house, but if you can arrange those bits then you could send your family member/friend back so your little one isn't waiting around.

Talk to your neighbours and other parents at school.

i know I would be perfectly happy to be standby childcare for this. Especially if it was likely to be only a few hours until other family could arrive.

I used to be a childminder. I once did stand by for a parent of a child I minded. Mum went into labour during the day and the child went home for a bit but then came to mine to sleep over. I had also said that if it happened in the night that I would come to them. I know your child is older but you could try reaching out to local childminders who could get to know your child and help out

I'd have 2 plans. First plan ask a trusted person (possibly the person who lives an hour away. ) this is for a planned labour or one you get plenty of notice for.

Then have an emergency plan where there's limited notice and that would probably have to be that you stay with lo.

We were in a similar situation and first was born via EmCS. It largely informed my decision to go for an elective second time round. Was like booking a visit to the dentist 😂

'Has anybody else been in the same situation?'

I don't mean to harsh, I mean to give you some perspective- but - yes, pretty much everyone who has ever given birth to their 2nd child will be in the situation of having to organise the family member who lives an hour away/the friend who works/the neighbour/the paid for option/the other parent as back up option if the child isn't in school.

I think I’d be asking a family member to stay with you for a few weeks would this be possible?

I looked after a boy in my son's class until 3am while his mum was giving birth... I'm sure someone will be happy to help.

That's not kind or fair. The OP was meaning they really don't have any close family to rely on at all. Plenty of people have grandparents and aunts / uncles available.

OP- I get it. We have been TTC our 2nd and I worry about what we would do all the time, as we have no-one else. My conclusion was elective c-section, with husband popping home to pick up DC1 from nursery and put them to bed, then babysitter sleeps overnight. DH pops back at 7am to be there when DC1 wakes.

Not ideal but needs must! As others have said I wouldn't want to be constantly worrying about the eldest child.

Good luck

My neighbour had my older two for half an hour after my waters went. While I waited for my husband to get back from work and then for grandparents to arrive (over an hour away)

I had my a couple of my friends children when they went in for their 3rd children.

For one I just went over as she was heading to the hospital and waited for her parents to arrive. The other one was a c section so obviously easier to plan, had them after school and nursery at mine then took them home to bed and waited for their dad.
There was actually something quite nice seeing the dad from the hospital after his daughter was born!

Other friends from school and neighbours offered help as well. You maybe surprised the amount of people that are happy to help!
Good luck X

My family are 1.5hrs away, with DC2 I was overdue and on recommendation from the midwife at my second sweep my mum came down and I went into labour that might. Currently 38 weeks with DC3. Plan is if I go before my due date to call when things start and head to the hospital when she arrives. I also have a neighbour on standby in case things move really quickly. Hopefully things will be similar to DC2 though

Find a relative who can be ready to come as soon as needed. My DM lives 3 hours away. She knew to be on standby, so had a bag packed ready. As soon as I started feeling like it was happening, she came.

Alternatively, I would always be happy to have a friend of my 6yo to stay in this situation. We would work something out with work, school drop-off etc. between a few parents. In circumstances like these people are happy to help.

You have 6 months so it’s great you’re considering this now. Have some of his classmates over for play dates etc and get to know the parents, it’s plenty of time to get to know who would be willing / able to watch him on short notice (and who you would trust!). I’m on maternity leave and would happily watch any of DD4s friends overnight if needed if their Mum was in labour - especially as I’m off work on mat leave.
It doesn’t come naturally and I was so tired towards the end of pregnancy but I made a real effort with other parents and it’s been great for DD and now I have local friends to have coffee with on Mat leave (we moved during pregnancy).
I also make a point of offering to help out other parents - it’s good to have people owe too childcare favours when you don’t have family nearby!