What to do during labour ( 5 year old child)

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My partner is currently 15 weeks pregnant and due to give birth at the end of January. We have a 5-year-old son but have little support around us. My partner's family lives abroad and my family lives all over the country with the closest family member being 1 hour drive away.

We have few contacts/friends around us and those that we do talk to have full-time jobs and work long hours sometimes night shifts + they have kids of their own.

My partner is starting to worry and put different scenarios in her head when it comes to going into labour who will look after our son if she goes into labour late evening/ early hours of the morning and what happens if she goes into labour when school is about to finish? I have told her things will be ok but in reality, we have no one to look after our son.

Has anyone else been in the same situation?

Not only is our son on her mind the last time she gave birth was by emergency c-section.

I had a VERY sensitive just turned 3yo (cesarean birth) when I went into labour (VBAC) with our second. I had dp stay home with our ds and I did it alone (very quickly, in hospital, with excellent attentive midwives as i was alone). No local family, but I wouldn't have wanted anyone else with me, and no friends ds knew well enough to take care of him. No nursery on Sunday at 6am... Honestly it took a load off my mind that ds was being well taken care of by his dad.

Is the family member an hour away willing to be on call? If they are then sorry but what’s the issue? Even if she is expecting a fast labour, she goes into hospital whilst you wait with DS and you join as soon as the relative arrives to relieve you. My mum is about 1.5 hours away but can be more with traffic and that was my only plan. I actually had an ELCS but she was still on standby in case of early arrival.

Wow, many thanks for all your comments 😊. You've made some good suggestions.

My partner has now told me that she will go to the hospital alone which I'm not too happy about. I want to be there for her and see our son or daughter being born.

With regard to another c section. My partner wants to try and give birth naturally this time due to the recovery after having a c-section + the bad experience of the last c-section. Has anyone on here given birth naturally the second time around?

Also has anyone on here taken a son or daughter up to the hospital whilst in labour?

Have you considered a home birth ? Is that possible ?

this was a huge worry of mine too.
I chose To have a home birth- my eldest was upstairs asleep and woke up to a new baby brother!- not sure if that’s an option for you?

We were in this situation. I asked my sister to come and stay a few days before my due date but gave birth before she arrived. My husband and son dropped me at the hospital in the middle of the night and I gave birth with just the midwives.
I remember being very worried about it in the weeks leading up to my due date.
My labour was fairly quick and straightforward so in the end it was ok. It was actually quite nice in the early hours of the morning to have some time alone with my baby. But if anything had gone wrong then I wouldn’t have had anyone to advocate for me and reassure me.

Can you ask a family member to stay for a few days? If your OH had an emergency caesarean last time I understand why she’s anxious.

We went elective c section, scheduled for the Friday, however on the Monday due to overbooking it was jumped forward to Wednesday so be prepared for the best laid plans to change! However, in that situation if a parent friend phoned at any time I'd say yes of course, so try and build some friendships now x

I know what you mean - i was lucky with grandparents v near but still I had to have different plans in place depending on where DS1 would be when I went into labour with DD.

If a not very close neighbour/ playground mum/dad asked me to step in to look after the older child, I would be soooo excited and say Yes straightaway!

Do I live near you?

Just putting it out there, as your partner considered a home birth? It’s often possible, even after a previous c section. It is commonly much more relaxing experience for Mum and it makes childcare a lot easier to manage too. Perhaps worth a thought and speak to midwife to find out more? I had an incredible home birth with my first and was absolutely gutted when I wasn’t allowed one for my second as I had a highly complicated pregnancy (so much so I had to spend 4 weeks pre delivery in hospital!)

Our families both live an hour away. When my waters broke we had to get straight to the hospital as there was some blood and he was 10 days early. I was on my way back from work when my waters went so weren't expecting to be in hospital by the afternoon! We had arranged for DD to potentially stay with a neighbour who had kids she played with, but typically they were out so we collected DD from school (it's very near) and she came to the hospital with us. We also phoned both sets of parents.
I was put on an assessment ward with 3 other mums and DH and DD stayed with me until my parents arrived and collected her to take back home.
The midwives were fine and kept everything very calm and exciting so DD wasn't worried.

DS arrived several hours later at about 3am perfectly fit and healthy.... And very very large for 10 days early!

If a friend, or work colleague asked me to mind thier child while their partner was in labour I would drop everything to help. I'm not being hyperbolic. Please ask a few people you trust if you could call them to look after the five year old. Particularly those with children are likely to get it and want to help.

When I had my 4th, we’d arrangements in place that my parents would look after our three. Unfortunately, my Mum had a mental health crisis & this was no longer an option. With little family to help, we opted for myself to go to hospital alone. Our midwife wasn’t particularly happy with this scenario but we didn’t really have many options. I was fully prepared for this scenario (as prepared as I could be in the few days I had to prepare). As luck (if that’s the right phrase) would have it, baby was late so an induction was planned so I knew exactly when I would be in hospital. I’d planned to drive myself into hospital but on the day I was too uncomfortable so partner drove me in with other three in the car. They dropped me off & I stayed myself in hospital. It became clear I was so uncomfortable as I was in labour. Thankfully labour progressed quite quickly & a friend looked after our other children while they slept to allow partner to be at the birth. He arrived about 45mins before the birth & stayed less than an hour after, then was back home giving our three their breakfast. I got home the following afternoon.

will she be choosing a planned section this time? if so, might make things easier as you can select a day when child is in school, and perhaps ask for a school friend you trust to do pick up that day? my experience with second labour was that partners weren’t allowed to stay the night (due to covid) and it was surprisingly easier so didn’t need him there. he went home to our 5 year old and returned the next day after school drop off and we were discharged before school pick up. we collected our child early from school en route home with the baby!

A planned c section isn’t what my partner wants right now due to the recovery time and getting up and down the stairs ( we live in a flat ). Obviously If it comes to it and a c section is needed then it’ll have to be. My partner wants to try for a natural birth.

My mum is local ( 1 hour away ) however she doesn’t drive and relies on my step dad to drive her places + she isn’t on the best of health right now ( lots of hospital and doctors appointments).

We have a neighbour who has offered to help but she has mobility issues and can hardly walk due to spinal problems.

I think the best option would be to all go up the hospital and leave my partner with the midwives or try and get in contact with a childminder who can come to our home and stay with our son.

You cannot have a child with you on the labour ward. I can’t think of any NHS trust where this would be allowed.

Even if it were allowed, your wife could be in labour for days and your DC will need looking after throughout this. A labour ward is no place for a child! You might even miss the birth when taking your child out for some food or nipping home for clean clothes.

You need childcare if you want to be present.