Husband drunk when I’m 38 weeks and asked him not to drink!

[Xcv]

Just want to get this off my chest more than anything! My husband had asked to play in a golf final today with a group from work. It’s an annual work’s day out. I had said yes of course but had asked him to stay sober as I would have no other way to get to hospital should anything happen this weekend and we have no childcare. I thought this was a fair compromise for a full day out (12 hours+) when I’m at home running after our young child all day, heavily pregnant, finding it difficult to even walk at this point 😬

We don’t have any family locally, my mum is about to arrive on Monday to be able to look after our child and she’ll stay with us until the baby is born (due to arrive by induction on Wednesday/Thursday).

Ive had a message to say they are staying out after the golf so he won’t be back until late. I can only imagine the state he is going to come home in. I’m not one to ever moan about this stuff but was I really asking too much for him to just go and not drink or have literally one or two beers throughout the day? When some of us have been sober since November!!! 😵‍💫

I'd just WhatsApp a picture of a newborn then sit back and wait for his panic to set in.

I think people saying that he doesn't care are over-reacting.

One act of totally selfish, arsehole behaviour doesn't mean he doesn't care. He's been egged on/got carried away/been a total dick but if I were you @Xcv I would capitalise on this for ages...!

Sometimes decent people do stupid, selfish things!

A tad dramatic

This.

Has anyone yet met a man who doesn't do stupid, careless things sometimes? 🤔

A perfect marriage or partnership does not exist because nobody (including ourselves) is perfect.

Grass is always greener.
No wonder divorce is at an all time high.

OP I've been in similar situations and it's incredibly annoying. I do not agree that 'this is how your life will be now'. It's something you can talk through and he can change - my DH has changed and matured a lot since those days and needed some help to see how his actions affected me.

You are definitely not unreasonable for being upset & he definitely needs a discussion.

Lol boggles me all my pregnancies I couldn't give 2 hoots what hubby did if he wanted to go out then I had no problems with it, he would help put the twins to bed the go out while I lay my pregnant self before the tv for an evening of peace. We have ambulances,taxis people use them often for emergencies lol so hardly a deal breaker tbh to me

Id be quiet then let him know tomorrow you are sad and disappointed he didn't care enough about you and his baby to stay sober and get home at the agreed time in case you had gone into labour. He could have missed the birth of his baby.

@Ladyj84 lots of taxis don't want to take a woman in active labour to the hospital.

And an ambulance should not be used as a backup for your husband to go out and get drunk instead of being a responsible adult. My goodness, people have no idea what state out healthcare system is in. As someone who works for the NHS and have seen people having heart attacks wait 2 + hours for an ambulance, it's royally selfish for your husband to get drunk close to your due date and potentially take an ambulance away from a dying person. And if you end up waiting 2 hours yourself, you might very well be giving birth on the bathroom floor.

Haven’t you posted about this multiple times already? 38 weeks pregnant, partner going out drinking etc

OP, of course your husband cares. But we have a massive binge drinking problem and culture in this country. Many people place a heavy importance on alcohol and try to normalise this bad behaviour. It's not normal or responsible.

Men should not go out and get pissed, therefore rendering themselves useless liabilities, when their partners could give birth at any moment.

It could be there was not much on tv 38 weeks ago as there seems to be a lot of 38 week old pregnancy dramas

Sorry you’re experiencing this OP. My DH did exactly the same at a wedding when I was 38 weeks with DC2. It was one of these weddings where you were given a welcome drink, half a bottle of wine, toasting drink and 2 drinks tokens. He decided that he should “helpfully” drink my allowance of drinks. Obviously he was paralytic. I was furious and drove him home at 8pm. So whilst I can empathise I have no advice as my DH has a problem with alcohol (can’t say no / stop) and he always has his tail between his legs the next day.

Take your agenda elsewhere, you’re being totally OTT.

People can be and are selfish and thoughtless sometimes, it doesn’t mean they don’t care.

OP, get yourself a restful
day tomorrow whilst he looks after the toddler.

Genius 😂😂

Nope 🤔 first time it’s happened. Maybe other people are having the same issue but I’ve not seen any posts

If your DH works a company with a boozy culture at socials (or generally boozy) then this isn’t really a surprise. With an all day-event like golf his peers / boss / colleagues would probably encouraged the initial drinking … “hey just have one you’ll still be fine to drive home”. Then especially if he not drinking as much recently alcohol goes to head, impairs judge and 1 turns into 2 etc.

I think expecting someone to go to their annual golf
day work social and stay sober especially before birth of baby was highly optimistic at best!

If you really have no plan B then he shouldn’t have gone at all.

The same thing happened to me when I was pregnant with my first except it was DH birthday, some match was on at the pub in the afternoon and I was a week overdue. He was asleep on the sofa that evening whilst I was having mild contractions, we went to bed and I continued twinging until morning. The next day we went to hospital at about 1pm had DD at 5pm. Nothing terrible happened, he very rarely went out for a drink I’m sure he would have sobered up pretty quickly if I had mentioned the contractions but they were so mild I just thought I’d wait and let him sleep. DH had never done anything like this before or since. Your DH has just got swept up in the moment, you’ve not had the baby, you’ll look back and it will be an amusing anecdote in which he doesn’t come off great. I say this with 25 years of hindsight.

It never ceases to amaze me how low the bar is set for men at mumsnet. Heavily pregnant wife plus energetic toddler? Of course its time for the poor fellow to skyve off for 12 hours putting a ball around and drinking till he’s paralytic. It would be cruel to ask a man to give those 12 hours to his first child and wife. The heavy lifting and care duties can always be performed by the wife and her mother. God forbid he make any alteration in his behavior to cater to his family or lose out a chance to drink with his buddies. What on earth could possess his wife for thinking this lord of the universe could voluntarily accept any restriction or loss of freedom just because his family might need him?

It’s one night, highly unlikely anything will happen, I’d have let him get on with it in the first place.

Quite.

What state was he when he rolled on @Xcv?

What a selfish prick he is.

Since it's the first time it's happening, and the second pregnancy, maybe he isn't the world's biggest arsehole, who doesn't care about the OP, and that reaction is OTT and ultimately unhelpful. Just a thought...

@fluffi we didn’t have a plan B but didn’t see why he should miss out on the golf just to sit in the house in case I went into labour. A compromise seemed like the best option

So true 😂 I think being able to actually go to the golf was enough when I was still having to do all the heavy lifting then but would have at least not have had to continue solo parenting this morning (at 5.30am) if he had come in after the golf finished. I’ve sat through multiple dinners, weddings etc sober in the last 9 months and couldn’t have just gone ‘oh well it’s a free drink, il just have a couple’ then continued on all night with no thought for anyone but myself

@Hibiscrubbed I didn’t speak to him and he’s still asleep while I’m up with our little one. The front door was left unlocked and our bedroom stinks of alcohol so safe to say he was definitely drunk

Obviously the immediate concern was being able to drive if labour started. However secondary to that, if he was out yesterday, he should have been on childcare duties (particularly at wake up) today. Clearly he is leaving you to pick up the slack this AM, and that would wind me up too.