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Original poster

TMI Alert - I feel too small down there to pass a baby's head!

34 replies

pgandsad · 27/02/2008 09:47

I know that the cervix dilates 10cm but what about the fanjo? One of the reasons I gave up sex was because I felt I'd shrunk to the size of something that might just allow a pencil (sorry if TMI) so I am terrified of tearing and of course that tension doesnt help.

If I can relax (even just a bit, will it make labour/birth easier?)

Would like to hear from you if you feel/felt similar or if you can offer reassurance - please!

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Peachy · 27/02/2008 09:56

Relaxation is important I think.

you will stretch. Millions of years of evolution have designed you to pass a baby head through your fanjo, it is true you may tear a little but not necessarily so and if you do then chances are it won't be much and you'll be too wrapped up in all else that is going on around you to become too upset about it. labour isn't a case of sitting nicely on a sofa and going 'Oops not stretching enough'- its bustle and noise and excitement and wonderful new babies....

I would seriously talk to your MW if you're really worried, but pratice relaxation now and think about what will help you get through.

Am 35 +4 today btw with 3 boys already so know the worry from both sides LOL!

Original poster
pgandsad · 27/02/2008 10:04

Peachy can you tell its my first? I am 36 wks (thought I was only 34 so nearer than I thought and that's scary in itself). Its the fact that my fanjo actually feels like its shrunk that's alarming me most of all.
Like by labour it will have sealed up completely [grinning] but [shocked]

OP posts:
shrinkingsagpuss · 27/02/2008 10:08

the body does some amazing things. Try not to worry, and it will all sort itself out for you!
I managed 2 9lb babies with only tiny tears - you DO FEEL IT!!!!!!!! And i'm not wandering around with a huge draft up my fanjo!!

Peachy · 27/02/2008 10:10

I promise it won't seal up LOL!

So we're due about the same time, more or less? (30th march for me, but on April thread as my due dates changed about too)

Have a look for info on hypnobirthing perhpas, lots of people like that. And if you're into the more holistic stuff it might be worth tracking down one of the MN Doulas to chat things through with- chances are one of them will have supported a womam with the same fears at some point?

spugs · 27/02/2008 10:56

relaxing and breathing rather then pushing when the baby is crowning definitly helps. its perfectly normal to worry about it, im 36 weeks with my third and im still thinking ooo bugger about that bit! you shall be fine, yes it shall hurt but once that baby is in your arms all the pain vanishes

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 27/02/2008 11:02

I am was as tight as a drum but still managed to push out 3 x 8lb+ babies on 3 separate occasions. I had quick labours too.

As for tearing, I usually get a 2nd degree (but that could be down to speed rather than size). Do not worry about tearing, I have never felt myself tear, although you'll be aware of the soreness afterwards. A tube of Lignocaine (scrounge it from your midwife) is an on-the-spot painkiller. And a jug of warm water poured over your fanjo whilst weeing for the first day or two will take care of any stinging.

Focus on getting your new baby and not on your fanjo (that'll look after itself). You'll be fine. Really.

maxbear · 27/02/2008 11:03

I think every first time mum worries about this to some extent. I could never imagine how it would go back to normal again afterwards but it does.

Pruners · 27/02/2008 11:07

Message withdrawn

MrsTittleMouse · 27/02/2008 12:06

I think we all feel like that!
When you do your pelvic floor exercises, it really helps if you can concentrate on the release part, as well as the clench part. That way, you have a good feeling for what to do if you do feel tense during labour.

Bky · 27/02/2008 12:11

I feel similar, mainly because I am SOOOOOOO swollen down there at the moment I can't possible imagine fitting a baby through, it looks just as you say and may just about squeeze in something pencil sized.

This is my second baby so i know it can be done but i'm sure everything (including the inside bits) were not this swollen last time.

Original poster
pgandsad · 27/02/2008 19:05

I got info and a book on hypnobirthing but DP is so sceptical and dismissive of it that its useless as you need your birth partner to be up to speed as well.
So...I am trying to just take the "relax, breathe and let your body do what it was designed to do" approach.

Its a big comfort to hear stuff to the effect that once I am holding baba the pain wont matter. I think I can cope with the aftermath, in fact I have just bought:

Arnica pills (do they work? What's the dosage?)
Lavender Oil
Tea Tree oil
Big Pants

And I have a jug for the warm water too, Duchess which will be relocated to the bathroom.

Thanks for all the info and experience - if you ladies can do it, so can I!

OP posts:
pigleychez · 27/02/2008 19:38

I completely understand where your coming from.. I could of written this myself!.

I even find sex uncomfortable cause if my little bits
I dread to think of how on earth im going to manage to squeeze baby out!

I suppose things will just happen during labour and like you say- Nature will take its course, But being another first timer (20 weeks), it still sticks it the back of your mind.

threestars · 27/02/2008 21:21

Have you considered perineal massage - think that's what it's called? Can't remember where I found the 'technique' sheet from. Antenatal yoga, I think, but I'm sure you can look up online.
anyway, I did this massage thing (drove DH crazy with lust though ) and when I ended up having to have forceps, they didn't have to cut me and I didn't tear. (hah, then again, they didn't get baby out like that either). It made me more stretchy I guess.

Lulumama · 27/02/2008 21:27

great post pruners!

do you ever touch and feel your vagina? you will notice that the vagina ,when you are tense feels different to when you are relaxed..... don;t be shy of having a feel and touching.. not sexually, but to get to know what your body feels like.....

your cervix and vagina are designed for this....

read some inspiring books about birth, Ina May gaskin, sheila kitzinger, janet balaskas....

get comfortable with the birth process

the tenser you are the slower things could be

if you do find yourself very tense, a small amount of pethidine is good as a muslce relaxant

charlotte121 · 27/02/2008 21:32

remember breathing through the pain... i thought yeh right whats breathing going to do but it helps and stops you from panicking. take it slowly as well. that helps to stop you from tearing... and masaging your perineum with almond oil is also supposed to help and it helps it to stretch.

Pruners · 27/02/2008 22:08

Message withdrawn

Surr3ymummy · 27/02/2008 22:18

I also did perineal massage, and delivered 3 babies (on separate occasions!) of 7lb 13oz, 8lb 2oz and 10lb 4oz without a single tear. Also a big advocate of staying vertical as long as possible and letting gravity doing the work. Big fan of water for making it easy too.

yelnats · 27/02/2008 22:22

just wait til afterwards when/if you get a bit too curious and decide to have a peek in the mirror at what is left down below - honestly it definately does not shrink! More like over stretches for a couple of days!! Bucket springs to mind. lol

Sorry must go TMI!!

Original poster
pgandsad · 27/02/2008 22:35

Lol yelnats - the way I am feeling now, the "bucket" would be a relief.
Perineal massage has been on my mind for a while now - is olive oil ok to use? Or a base/carrier oil? Thanks!

OP posts:
yelnats · 27/02/2008 22:38

With dd1 I used Almond oil for perenial massage but I didnt bother with dd2. I think olive oil is fine.

Original poster
pgandsad · 27/02/2008 22:47

Ok thanks

OP posts:
CuppaTeaJanice · 01/03/2008 16:11

I just started a discussion on a similar theme in the childbirth section - I hoped I could maybe have a local anaesthetic in that area to cope with the pain (even my last smear test was agony!) but experienced birthers say relaxation and pethidine is the way to go.

I wondered if there is any benefit in gradual stretching (like some african tribes do with their lips and ears). Some 'adult movie' stars seem to be able to fit a lot up there and surely a gradual increase in size has got to be more comfortable than suddenly pushing through a big head!!!

babylove21 · 01/03/2008 16:46

hmmm cuppa, unless you have a fast labour its not what i would call sudden stretching.
It has been 17 years since my last baby so i am optomisitc that all my bits are still working lol.
Pushing is the last stage, by that time you will have endured enough pain to not even give the stretching of your fanjo a thought.
I remember 2nd time round the MW saying im just going to have to give you a little cut - and i was thinking why ?? ( i did not know about that stuff then lol).
I am positive i had a local aneasethic before the cut but i dont remember feeling either. The only pain i felt down there was a few hours later. But as everyone says by then you are staring into the face of the most precious thing in the world and any thoughts of pain are not dwelled upon. You just get on with it. Thats why women are so great

Lulumama · 01/03/2008 16:50

janice, it is not a sudden stretching... the vagina is designed to stretch, as pruners and myself posted lower down the thread....the feelings are not just confined to the moments where the head crowns and a localised anaesthetic won;t help, nor is it going to stop you feeling the sensations as the baby descends.

the baby descend gradually, for a first time mum, it is highly unlikely you are going to ahve a baby shooting out in less than an hour !

a woman's body is designed to do this, you need ot have faith!

what i would recommend, is to get to know your vagina !! have a look and a feel, with clean hands and short nails..... it is your body.

B1977 · 01/03/2008 16:52

Also, can't see if anyone has mentioned, but when DS was born I was really surprised how squidgy he was so that helps too

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