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Original poster

Ex denying he’s the father but refusing a DNA test?

50 replies

rosepetals2023 · 28/07/2023 08:16

Hello all,
Was in a short term relationship which ended and found out I was pregnant a week later. (unplanned as I was on the pill)
I told him about the pregnancy as soon as I found out and at first seemed interested then became very adamant I had an abortion. I couldn’t go through with the abortion in the end and thankfully have a supportive family so I have decided to continue the pregnancy alone. He has made it very clear he doesn’t want to be part of the baby’s life and point blank denying it’s his.

He was the one who cheated, I was 100% loyal throughout the relationship. I hate the idea of him slandering my name saying it’s not his child and that I’ve been sleeping around which is all lies.

I don’t want to claim CMS as he’s made it quite obvious he will do anything to get out of it (moving country) and wouldn’t put it past him to make my life miserable in revenge. He’s also saying I did this on purpose because he’s a Dr and I want to rinse him for money. I can’t stand him going around accusing me of that and really would rather raise the baby myself with my own finances.

I would however like to have a DNA test so the child knows who their father is in the future seeing as he’s denying it’s him. He knows full well he’s the father and when I mentioned a dna test he refused to do one.

Is there any way to get around this or if he doesn’t consent to the test is it impossible?

Thanks in advance :)

OP posts:
Antoninus · 28/07/2023 08:18

Court

DustyLee123 · 28/07/2023 08:18

I think you’d have to go to court to get it done, with a view to claiming CMS, even if you don’t in the end.
Please tell me that you’re giving baby your surname ?

Danikm151 · 28/07/2023 08:20

Put a CMS claim in. If he refuses then a DNA test will prove he should pay.

I know you said you aren’t putting a claim in but the £20 for doing so will put the wind in his sail

BananaSpanner · 28/07/2023 08:22

My mum was a single parent who chose not to pursue my father for any money. On the one hand it is noble but on the other hand, we were stretched and I missed out on some stuff.

My advice would be to claim the maintenance and if he refuses go through the courts.

Dont let him get away with it.

BoohooWoohoo · 28/07/2023 08:25

Put in a CMS claim.
He can either pay or refute that he's the father.
If he denies paternity then this means that he'll have to do a DNA test. If he wasn't the father (I know he is the father) then the DNA test will cost him nothing. If he is then it's £150 iirc.
I know he threatened to move overseas but you will have tried.

Aposterhasnoname · 28/07/2023 08:28

Go to the CMS. So what if he avoids paying, you’ll be no worse off than you are now, and he’ll be forced to do the dna test.

LKM23 · 28/07/2023 08:30

The only way to make him have one is to put in a claim for maintenance as the only way to get out of paying would be to take the test and prove he's not the father. Of course he is so you'll get the maintenance which you deserve. Don't give in to his threats, he's not going to move country and if he does who cares 🤷‍♀️ the money isn't for you it's for your child so you should claim it from him.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 28/07/2023 08:31

I would go through cms. Don’t let him threaten you into not supporting his child.

Morechocmorechoc · 28/07/2023 08:32

Of course you should claim cms, he shouldn't be able to just walk away Scott free

IkeaMeatballGravy · 28/07/2023 08:35

Even if you can afford to raise your child without his money, claim maintenance and put it in a savings account for your child. It's your DC's money and one way or another they are entitled to it. Claiming through CMS will mean your ex has to do a DNA test.

sanityisamyth · 28/07/2023 08:36

IkeaMeatballGravy · 28/07/2023 08:35

Even if you can afford to raise your child without his money, claim maintenance and put it in a savings account for your child. It's your DC's money and one way or another they are entitled to it. Claiming through CMS will mean your ex has to do a DNA test.

This. He should contribute to his child.

Soontobe60 · 28/07/2023 08:38

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/disagreements-about-parentage
You can apply for child maintenance and they can issue a court order for a DNA test if the potential father disputes paternity. This service is free to you, but he will have to pay. Should he be shown not to be the father he will get a refund.
However, you can’t just go to court to get a test done, it has to be alongside other reasons. Anyone with a “sufficient personal interest” can apply for a declaration of parentage [FLA 1986 s55A] but the application must be made as part of / alongside / during existing proceedings, not as an isolated ‘freestanding’ application. The CSA can also apply (s27 Child Support Act 1991).

Child Maintenance Service

How to set up or manage a child maintenance arrangement, including what to do if a parent does not pay, how to contact the Child Maintenance Service, and signing in to your account.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/disagreements-about-parentage

JaukiVexnoydi · 28/07/2023 08:39

A court can order a dna test.

Your child has the right to know their father's identity, and also the quality of their father's character. If this man goes to extraordinary lengths to avoid being identified as the father then that says a lot about his character.

Go to court. Apply for the CMS which is your child's right and it is not for you to decide not to pursue it at all. If the result is him emigrating for fear of being forced to face his responsibilities, that's his decision and part of your child's story.

Shangrilalala · 28/07/2023 08:40

Of course he should contribute. The threat to leave the country is intended to dissuade you from taking action, particularly if he has an established career and network here.

Original poster
rosepetals2023 · 28/07/2023 08:40

Thanks all :) I just hate the fact he will be going around telling people I did this on purpose (he’s a big gossip), I didn’t skip any pills and he was the one asking me to come off them as he wanted a baby but I refused as we had only been with each other a few months.

I think the main reason he is denying it’s his is to get out of paying CM and also because he is now seeing the woman he cheated on me with and pretty sure she has no clue I exist or that I’m pregnant.

I think my main concern is that he will try and make my life a misery for claiming it. Not that he has anything on me but I don’t trust him. Also I don’t plan on putting him on BC and will be giving baby my surname. Not that he would agree to go on the BC anyways..

OP posts:
BananaSpanner · 28/07/2023 08:45

rosepetals2023 · 28/07/2023 08:40

Thanks all :) I just hate the fact he will be going around telling people I did this on purpose (he’s a big gossip), I didn’t skip any pills and he was the one asking me to come off them as he wanted a baby but I refused as we had only been with each other a few months.

I think the main reason he is denying it’s his is to get out of paying CM and also because he is now seeing the woman he cheated on me with and pretty sure she has no clue I exist or that I’m pregnant.

I think my main concern is that he will try and make my life a misery for claiming it. Not that he has anything on me but I don’t trust him. Also I don’t plan on putting him on BC and will be giving baby my surname. Not that he would agree to go on the BC anyways..

So why make life easy for him? Ultimately, the money can make life easier for your dc. A savings account is a good idea if you don’t need it for day to day stuff.

Like I said upthread, that money would have been a big help when I was growing up but my mum chose not to claim out of pride (I think).

Original poster
rosepetals2023 · 28/07/2023 08:45

Sorry just seen some more of the messages after I posted that last one. Some very useful information so thank you all :)
@Soontobe60 I wouldn’t stop him seeing the child. I have a DS from a previous marriage and he sees his dad very often. Tbh he seems the type to enjoy his social life and woman too much at the weekends to be looking after a child but of course that might change once the baby arrives xx

OP posts:
Campingsuperstar · 28/07/2023 08:47

Don’t let him bully you and remember that the cos supports your child. Stand up for them and if the mardy arse wants to move abroad he can go! Build your team of supporters and don’t give a shit about him - what a loser. He misses out on you and the baby.

Original poster
rosepetals2023 · 28/07/2023 08:47

@BananaSpanner youre right, a savings account would be a very good idea. At least it would prove I tried.

OP posts:
Dombasle · 28/07/2023 08:48

Is he foreign by birth? Think carefully about the future if he has parental rights and is able to take your child out of the country at a later date.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/07/2023 08:51

Remember the money is for your dc. You could get it but deliberately not use it, if you don't need it, and save it all up for your dc.

Original poster
rosepetals2023 · 28/07/2023 08:51

@Dombasle yes he is. A European country so thankfully it’s part of The Hague Convention but it’s still a worry.

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 28/07/2023 08:59

Can you afford to take care of your child alone?. If so I would let sleeping dogs lie. "Fathers" like this can be very disruptive and chaotic in a child's life. They are not bothered about the well being of the child, all they care about is " punishing" you for having the child. If he is leaving you alone then I would leave him alone as well. Don't worry about what he is going about saying, you can't control that. Focus on the people who truly know you and love you.

Original poster
rosepetals2023 · 29/07/2023 07:53

Thanks @femfemlicious 😊
He does seem to only think of himself. Very tight when we were together so I can see him doing anything to waggle out of paying.

You’re correct I can’t stop what he goes around saying about to me . Just hope for the OW sake she finds out the truth about him. Pretty sure she doesn’t know about the pregnancy but I won’t be getting involved xx

OP posts:
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