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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Unsure of prospective father

78 replies

ashamedandembarrased · 25/07/2023 18:54

My husband and I have been trying for children for a while. We've experienced a few losses and the TTC journey has put a strain on our relationship. Doing the deed at ovulation time has become so stressful for both of us and for the last few months my husband has had stage fright.
I turn 42 in a few months so much as I've tried to be supportive of his ED we've fallen out on numerous occasions as we know my fertile days are numbered,
In a moment of madness I slept with someone else. I am pretty disgusted with myself but it's done and I now have to live with this. Judge away, you can't be any harder on me than I am on myself!!
My period was due today and didn't arrive so I did a pregnancy test today and it's positive and I am beside myself with worry that my mistake is about to cost me my marriage.
My cycles average at 26 days give or take +/-2 days. *I've only had 1 24 day cycle and that was last month.
I slept with the other man on day 7 of my cycle, then with my husband on day 11 and we AI'd on days 13 and 14 as things were too stressful for intercourse.
My egg white mucus was on day 11 and my LH surged on day 13.
I understand sperm can stay alive and lurk at the cervix for some time - 5 days after the other man would take me to day 12 of my cycle.
I appreciate that timings are tight and there is no way to know for sure without a DNA test but I'm looking for some advice/opinions on how likely my mistake is the father.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 25/07/2023 20:03

Sounds like a really shitty way to bring a baby into the world @mayorofcasterbridge. One of the men need to know so she can get the DNA test. Realistically, that should be her husband, in my opinion, but she needs to find out one way or another.

Stephy1024 · 25/07/2023 21:03

Fuck! No judgement we've all fucked up at some point or another. But let's put our big girl pants on and be realistic. Whoever the dad is deserves to know and you're baby deserves to know who it's dad is. Does you're husband know you had unprotected sex with someone else?
I get the feeling you'll be keeping this baby. It will probably end your marriage but those are the consequences to your actions. Good luck with everything.

pinkyredrose · 25/07/2023 21:06

Why didn't you use a condom?

Blahblahgingerbreadlady · 25/07/2023 22:23

Either way you need to tell dh because that’s a pretty big thing to do and not a normal reaction. I’m sorry op but it sounds like there are lots of issues in your marriage and maybe this is finally where it will come to the crux.

I’d personally keep the baby as that’s one thing you know you want right now.

BiscuitLover3678 · 25/07/2023 22:25

It took us nearly two years to conceive and lots of issues but never did I consider sleeping with someone else. This is not to shame you, but to show there is something wrong and you need to tell your husband.

BiscuitLover3678 · 25/07/2023 22:26

BiscuitLover3678 · 25/07/2023 22:25

It took us nearly two years to conceive and lots of issues but never did I consider sleeping with someone else. This is not to shame you, but to show there is something wrong and you need to tell your husband.

I mean the relationship has issues that are more important than if it’s his. Sort that first.

mumtoboys12 · 25/07/2023 22:26

It sounds like the other man's.

MissHavershamReturns · 25/07/2023 22:30

If I have this right op you tested on day 26, and might have ovulated on day 11 to day 13 ish. Over 90% of pg are from intercourse on the day of ovulation and the two days before. So if you ovulated on day 11, 12, 13 or 14, it’s un likely that your ONS on day 7 dpo led to pg, though not impossible.

Much more likely that intercourse on the 11th did the trick where you first saw the EWCM.

If it was me I definitely would ask the OM to do a prenatal paternity test if he will, but hopefully he is not the df.

IHateLegDay · 25/07/2023 22:32

Sorry but it sounds like the other man.
It's probably time to come clean with your husband.

MissHavershamReturns · 25/07/2023 22:32

“94% of women who became pregnant had intercourse on at least one of these three days” - survey of over 100,000 women

https://www.fertilityfriend.com/Faqs/Intercourse-Timing-and-Frequency.html#:~:text=This%20makes%20a%20practical%20fertile,one%20of%20these%20three%20days.

MissHavershamReturns · 25/07/2023 22:33

For it to have more than 4% likelihood of being the other man according to those figures she would have to have ov on 5dpo, 6dpo or 7dpo. Which would be very very early for most women and doesn’t fit with the EWCM.

MissHavershamReturns · 25/07/2023 22:34

Sorry I meant more than 6% chance

Seddon · 25/07/2023 22:34

Yuck, aren't you worried about STIs?

Elizadoloads · 25/07/2023 22:36

Not the best situation to be in but you are not the first and won't be the last. I didn't think you could do DNA testing until after the birth, a work colleague paid for her son and daughter in law to have one straight after baby was born (daughter in law had cheated and confessed straight away) She said it only took around 3 days to get the results.
If that's still the case then you really should confess to your husband, it wouldn't be fair to anyone to lie.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/07/2023 22:40

Who is the other man? A random or someone you know?

Summer2424 · 25/07/2023 23:00

Hi @ashamedandembarrased just wanted to say, hope you're ok. I know this is not the ideal situation to be in but you are pregnant so please look after yourself xx

lola8319 · 27/07/2023 00:44

Make OM to take the test. That way you wont involve DH in this, in case DH is the father

AuntMarch · 27/07/2023 00:53

Whether you tell or not, and even if you weren't pregnant, you need to think about what lead to you making that decision.
I created once.. it was a relationship I wanted to leave but felt trapped in. I can't imagine anyone does it when they are truly happy.

neilyoungismyhero · 27/07/2023 01:26

Your post says you have experienced 'a few losses' already. It may be that this pregnancy has the same result ultimately so maybe confessing all straight away may not be the best thing to do. Whatever you decide I wish you well.

ZoeCM · 27/07/2023 04:59

sewerrat · 25/07/2023 19:48

first of all, congratulations. children are a blessing, and one way or another it seems to be happening for you.

does the OM look much different to your OH? If they look similar enough, I would just carry on ask normal. but yes, get OM to do swab test, as its important to know.

I swear to God, some women on MN want to do MRAs' job for them...

CrazyArmadilloLady · 27/07/2023 05:06

Well, you used protection when you had the fling, so it’s unlikely to be the OMs. Right………..?

And can people please stop being so dense with their fucked-up ‘congratulations’ posts? A pregnancy is categorically not always welcome / wanted / a cause for celebration. Obviously.

Carryonkeepinggoing · 27/07/2023 05:32

CrazyArmadilloLady · 27/07/2023 05:06

Well, you used protection when you had the fling, so it’s unlikely to be the OMs. Right………..?

And can people please stop being so dense with their fucked-up ‘congratulations’ posts? A pregnancy is categorically not always welcome / wanted / a cause for celebration. Obviously.

OP might be really happy to be pregnant whoever the father is. That’s how I read it anyway.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 27/07/2023 05:34

Carryonkeepinggoing · 27/07/2023 05:32

OP might be really happy to be pregnant whoever the father is. That’s how I read it anyway.

Show quote history

Really……………………………

”I am beside myself with worry that my mistake is about to cost me my marriage.”

PurposefulBear · 27/07/2023 05:47

based on the dates I’d lean towards it being DHs, based on history I’d lean towards the OM.

Agree with pp that best is to get OM to take test so you can be fully informed. Best of luck

Carryonkeepinggoing · 27/07/2023 06:00

CrazyArmadilloLady · 27/07/2023 05:34

Really……………………………

”I am beside myself with worry that my mistake is about to cost me my marriage.”

Show quote history

People can feel more than one emotion about the same event. I read it as OP slept with another man in a moment of madness hoping to get pregnant because TTC had been failing with her husband.