Ultrasound rules? Family or couple

[Funkymonkey12344]

Wanting to settle a debate.

4 children and pregnant (3 older to ex and 1 to DH)

Looking at 4d scans, I am wanting all children to attend as its there sibling too and feel they should come.

DH keeps saying (in front of the children) that it's a couple only thing and the children have no 'right' to be there and if they go be won't.

So are ultrasounds a couple of family thing?

Couple only. Its not entertainment. What if an anomaly is discovered?

Is this a medical scan or commercial scan?

My sister included everyone and it's something we still talk about ❤️

Ultrasounds are to check the health of your baby, not a family show and tell outing!

Agree x

Some private 4d scans encourage the whole family to go. Why don't you contact the company and ask them?

Nhs is definitely just mother+1 where we are. There were signs saying siblings would not be allowed in.

Just me and my husband attended all the hospital scans but we booked a 4D one to take my daughter to so she could see her sister

It would be a private 4d scan more for fun than anything else. I have regular nhs scans for health reasons

Do you think it's smart to take your children to an ultrasound where you could potentially be given some rather hard to hear or devastating news?
YABU, take your DH and if it goes well show the children when you get home l.

Medical, couple only. Private scan as long as you are confident all has been checked them bring the siblings. And have a word with your dp to set the boundaries.

Having the older siblings on board will make everyones life a lot easier.

Commercial private 4d scan

NHS scans are for a couple, as they're a medical procedure to examine the health of the baby - imagine if a scan picked up a really awful anomaly or worse, and the kids were there. I've had a scan that showed no heartbeat and that would have scarred my other kids.

Private 4D scans are for the whole family as they're for entertainment.

Is it possible he would just like something to be between the 2 of you? With 4 kids, I imagine you do r get much time where 2 can do something together.

Has your DH been to any other scans op?
If not then you should consider respecting his wishes imo.

A couple thing - it’s nice to have things for the two of you only without the kids in tow.

Unfortunately not all ultrasound scans pick up health issues with the fetus, ( they miss about 50% of detectable problems ) so there is still a very real potential for something untoward to be discovered.
No ultrasound scan should be for entertainment really.

It’s not for fun if a massive problem is discovered and you’ve got all your children around you.

I'm with your DH here - it’s not family entertainment

Private scans are absolutely sold as being entertainment.

I had a private scan after my NHS anomaly scan, so that I could take my older child. He was welcomed and enjoyed it, and it really helped him adjust to the prospect of a sibling.

Yes, it could have picked up awful news the NHS sonographer hadn't seen the week before. But the extra scan was literally for him. If we'd not done that, DC2 would have been born and we'd have found out the awful news then, equally traumatic for all concerned.

I think it's a bit off that your DH is airing this issue in front of the kids tbh OP.

How far along are you? And how old are the older DC?

I personally find the pictures from those 4d scans creepy and gross, (I'm late 50s so normal ultrasound when I was pregnant), the first time I saw one I had to bite my tongue and say how lovely even though to me it looked like some sort of horror film baby. The actual babies look nothing like the scan pictures anyway and your other children might be a bit freaked out by the scan especially if they thought it was going to look like a lovely little baby. Why not just let them be excited and wait to see their sibling when it's actually born.

Can't you just show them the pictures afterwards?

Disagree, the 4D scans look exactly like a lot of the babies in real life. There's even comparison photos online.

A private place will be fine with all the kids there!

If you've already seen the heartbeat and all is considered to be well (and as you've said, it's a private scan) I would let the kids come if they want to. Talk to DH away from the kids though as he seems to have an issue with it.

We took the kids to a private scan at 8 weeks.

Just for the couple. Strange to take the family.
I had 3 with DC1 and went to one appt alone
ive had 3 scans with DC2 and also went to last appt alone. Personally I think it’s only mildly interesting to anyone outside the couple