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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant and ex blocked me off everything

38 replies

rosepetals2023 · 19/07/2023 17:02

Hi ladies,
Recently was in a short term relationship which ended. I found out I was pregnant a week later (was on the pill so not planned). Ex was adamant I get an abortion and initially I did book in for one despite not being 100% sure I wanted one. I updated him when the appointment was and he told me not to bother telling him how the procedure went as he had booked himself a last minute holiday the day of the appointment and didn’t want to be disturbed. He’s also blocked me on everything.
I couldn’t go through with the abortion in the end and thankfully have a great support network so have decided to continue the pregnancy. I am completely aware he will most likely not be involved at all or avoid any contribution (he already said he will move country to avoid paying CM despite me never bringing it up).

I feel he should know I have decided to continue the pregnancy. I did try ringing him and he never responded and I am blocked on everything since I told him of the pregnancy so no means of contacting him. Should I just leave it?
Any advice appreciated 😊

OP posts:

Pumpkindoodles · 19/07/2023 17:10

Gosh what a charmer. Well at least you’re out of the relationship and prepared to do it alone.
are you also prepared if he decides he does want to be involved and requests any time? He may well be quite difficult. It’s a shame you may potentially have to deal with him at any point really, unless he’s not normally quite so disgusting

i think if you wanted to not tell him, then that would be fine, he specially asked for no update and then blocked you.
Just contact CMS once the baby is here. If he chooses to move to another country, sort a job, visa, home etc to avoid paying then that’s up to him.

if you do want to tell him, contact someone in his circle - did you ever meet a friend or do you know their names so you could find them online?
i do think it could potentially cause a lot of hassle and stress that you don’t need whilst pregnant.
normally I’d never say to not tell the father, but since he’s been purposely rude and requested no updates and made updates fairly impossible I think it may be different and ok to prioritise yourself.

HowcanIhelp123 · 19/07/2023 17:11

He does have a right to know, but you also have a right to a quiet pregnancy. If he's going to harass you to abort and stress you out you could leave it until you're past the 24 week mark so he knows its no longer an option and you know everything with baby is ok. If you can't reach him on phone etc you could look at either posting a letter if you know his address, or using a different number/email, or if you have a mutual friend have them tell him. If he's made it impossible to contact him there's not much you can do but you can still send a message as proof you tried.

He's liable for CMS, its his child and its the childs money so you may as well put a claim in when it's born. If he moves country he moves country but it would be rather inconvenient for him to leave his life and have to stay away for 18 years so I imagine he won't! If he comes back it'll still be open and he'll have to pay, even if you put it all in a savings account for baby.

Summer2424 · 19/07/2023 17:22

Hi @rosepetals2023 omg bless you hun, what a loser!!
So glad you have got support around you.
You tried contacting him and he's not interested, his loss completely.
Please just relax and enjoy your pregnancy xx ❤

BudgetBuster · 19/07/2023 17:27

Sorry he's such a pig! But congratulations on your pregnancy and it's great that you have some support. I think there's a few elements to this.

Even though he doesn't want updates, I would perhaps find a way to contact him (via a family members phone or new email address perhaps) and let him know what your estimated due date is. Very simply put it gives him all the info he needs at this point and then down the line he can't say you didn't keep him updated.
Next step is to let him know that you have had a baby boy or girl called X on the day of birth.
Go to CMS and apply for maintenance as soon as possible - whether he wants to be involved or not, he is partly responsible for this baby.
Try not to think of him during your pregnancy, you cannot rely on him so every decision is yours. Do what's right for you. Try to also get comfortable with the idea that he might never be involved, or when CMS come knocking he might decide to get involved.

Original poster

rosepetals2023 · 19/07/2023 17:39

Thanks guys.🙂
Im pretty certain he will not want to be bothered in the pregnancy or the baby. Despite being a gp, he denied the pregnancy test was positive (I did 2 in front of him) as one line was fainter than the other.. Since it’s became apparent I’m definitely pregnant he’s claimed he’s not the father😶I will happily raise the child myself but would never stop him from being part of his/hers life if he did decide to be.

Ive never met any of his friends in person, only heard of them. I think writing a letter as a PP suggested would be a good idea. I’m planning on getting an early pregnancy scan to check everything is well and send him a copy along with the letter (taking a photo of it and getting proof of delivery so I have evidence he has been notified)
Thanks again 😊

OP posts:

BudgetBuster · 19/07/2023 19:27

Do you have an email address for him?

empatheticpretzel · 19/07/2023 19:35

don't write anything to him its harassment
take screenshots so you have proof of the block
focus on yourself

Original poster

rosepetals2023 · 19/07/2023 19:43

@BudgetBuster I don’t :(

OP posts:

Original poster

rosepetals2023 · 19/07/2023 19:44

@empatheticpretzel I was worried he might accuse me of that if I kept calling hence only called the once. Can tell he’s the type who will blame me either way if I tell him or don’t 😑

OP posts:

BeeCucumber · 19/07/2023 19:49

Leave it. It’s not worth the drama.

Theshoeswithlaces · 19/07/2023 19:54

I would leave it too. You deserve a calm pregnancy and he knows where you are if he wants to ask. If you chose to claim CMS in the future he can find out then.

empatheticpretzel · 19/07/2023 19:56

he knows you're pregnant. He knows you could choose wether or not to keep it. He doesnt want to know and doesnt want to be involved. He doesn't want to talk to you again, you know he will try and get you in trouble for harassment if you tried to find ways around the block. Get proof of the block so you have something to go off if he tries to say you never kept him informed. Even then you dont need to.
I wouldn't want to contact him anyway

Moni81 · 19/07/2023 20:02

You already informed him, not sure what you try to achieve by letters etc. From his reaction doesn't look like there is way of winning him back. As you mentioned you finished short term relationship, she probably feels cornered and think you tried to catch him on baby. He may calm down and get involved at some point but you also made your choice and in your situation I would just focus on yourself and baby. No need to chase man who is clearly not interested.

Original poster

rosepetals2023 · 19/07/2023 20:07

I was thinking the same, just feel a bit guilty not making him aware I’ve decided to continue with it as last time we spoke he was under the impression I was having a termination.

Guess it shows how little he cares (not surprising) seeing as he hasn’t been in touch, he said he would be after his holiday but he’s back and heard nothing/been blocked.

OP posts:

Original poster

rosepetals2023 · 19/07/2023 20:10

@Moni81 I definitely don’t want to win him back. I just felt he had a right to know I was continuing the pregnancy as he didn’t know I didn’t go through with the termination. But you’re correct, definitely best to focus on myself and the child, fully prepared in being a lone parent :)

OP posts:

Louoby · 19/07/2023 20:11

If I were you and he'd treated me that way, I would enjoy a quiet uncomplicated pregnancy, register the birth (without naming him) and continue life on my own. If you want to involve him, although doesn't sound as though he would be interested, I'd go round his house and tell him once baby is here, or a few months old. Having a newborn can be very emotional

AngelAurora · 19/07/2023 20:14

Inform the Grandparents once baby is born, contact CMS and I hope he realises CMS can pursue him in other countries?

Ponderingwindow · 19/07/2023 20:15

I would send him one registered letter informing him of the pregnancy with an estimated due date. Give him the best method to contact you if he has questions or wants to set up visitation once the baby is born.

Then just file a maintenance claim once the baby arrives.

RunningFromInsanity · 19/07/2023 20:32

Ponderingwindow · 19/07/2023 20:15

Then just file a maintenance claim once the baby arrives.

I would do exactly this.

carly2803 · 19/07/2023 20:40

honestly - id leave well alone.

just get on with raising the baby and let him live his life - his loss

Original poster

rosepetals2023 · 19/07/2023 20:43

@Ponderingwindow sounds like a good idea. Don’t know how a formal letter can be classed as harassment if it only includes the points you mention.
Ill wait a few weeks and see if I hear back from him but I think it’s always best to leave a paper trail so he can’t accuse me of not informing him of the pregnancy

OP posts:

Original poster

rosepetals2023 · 19/07/2023 20:43

Thanks all for your advice :)

OP posts:

drpet49 · 19/07/2023 20:45

empatheticpretzel · 19/07/2023 19:56

This

BudgetBuster · 19/07/2023 20:50

Just as an FYI, police and judges will not accept his case of 'harassment' if all you are doing is communicating about his child. I think it's important to tell him he really does have a child on they way as he most likely thinks you did terminate. You do not need to contact him again if he wants nothing to do with the child though. But 100% as soon after birth as you are physically able, get onto CMS!

HowcanIhelp123 · 19/07/2023 21:07

If she messaged every one of his friends, parents, went to his workplace, house and called from several numbers .. yes that's harassment.

A single signed for letter letting him know he's going to be a dad and she is continuing with pregnancy? Not harassment.

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