Severe anxiety lead to termination

[Faithb123]

Hi,
I wanted to share my story and ask for help.
I had a termination of a wanted pregnancy due to - what I now know was - antenatal anxiety/ depression.
It took 2 days from taking the positive test to totally take over every fibre of my being. Stopped me eating, sleeping and made me believe that pregnancy was a huge mistake and beg for a miscarriage.
i’m only 2 days post termination, my overriding feeling is relief. The terror of the anxiety/depression made me want to die, I felt like I could not take another second.
I can see that a lot of people have terminated due to this.
im so sorry we share such a trauma.
i don’t have any children, has anyone been in this position. Will I ever be able to have children without my mind telling me termination is the only option?
scared for my future x

Oh bless you, at least from this thread you can see you certainly are not alone and not the first person to have felt this way. Id suggest talking to a Dr there are some things you can take during pregnancy to calm you down. Also try to trust how you felt when you were trying to conceive. That was the real you before hormones, regarding your MIL you will work it out. Have you told OH how you feel about that? He may be able to reassure you that that wouldnt happen if you're catastrophizing. Hormones have a lot to answer for! Faithb123 here is great too she has pm me and been very helpful too. Xx

The best advice I can give you. Is to push through and put all notions of getting a MA out of your brain. It sounds like you were TTC and want this and its normal anxiety. Gets alot better in trimester 2. Luckily you found this thread before and not after. Start looking at some baby clothes and shops even if you dont buy yet etc. Don't worry about the MIL just send her out on last minute dashes to get nappies etc if needed. Im pregnsnt again now and have no family help as i live overseas. trust me when bub is here she might actually seem useful :-)

Oh and btw congratulations on your pregnancy xx :-)

You are not alone. I think it’s a huge shock getting pregnant, and I mean even when it’s planned, especially if it happens quickly. My anxious thoughts were unbearable and I couldn’t eat or sleep, I was thinking worst case scenario on everting. If you struggle with change anyway, pregnancy feels huge. Here’s my advice to anyone who finds themselves on this post:

• first of all, be prepared for pregnancy to happen straight away (i was in such shock to get a positive test just weeks after we started trying, I thought it would take months, so I absolutely was in a state of panic which didn’t help)
• contact a GP and basically tell them your past experience and try and find one who is understanding and supportive and ready to refer you straight to peri natal mental health if the same issues should arise (I’m in the UK so sorry if some of this doesn’t apply)
• I took escitalpram for the anxiety and it’s safe during pregnancy - you could start this now or during pregnancy if you need it
• I wrote myself a letter about how I wanted to have a baby so I could look back at it if my brain told me otherwise
• if you feel like you don’t want to be pregnant and it’s a huge mistake when you get that positive test, know it’s hormones effecting your brain chemistry
• I received an autism diagnosis late 2023, and it helped me understand my fear of change and losing control (2 things that are relevant during pregnancy)
• understand that a positive test doesn’t mean you will have a baby the next day, your body and mind changes and gets used to it over time, by about 16 weeks, I was feeling more settled with things and biology will help you get through and have the feelings you THINK you should be having
• remember, many women feel the way we did, they just don’t talk about it or admit it because they are ashamed, nothing to be ashamed of
• it’s okay to be petrified
• feel the fear and do it anyway (that’s the name of a book but I like the sentiment of it)
• don’t put pressure on yourself to feel love or excitement, it’s not expected, it’s not needed, those feelings will eventually come
• look into tokophobia, it’s not just fear of childbirth, it’s fear of pregnancy too, and i was only ever effected by it fully when i was actually pregnant, i was terrified of getting a bump, regretting a baby, birth, sickness etc
• reach out to this post or PM anyone here who understands

There are so many stories of this, you are not alone. There are 800,000 conceptions each year in the UK, there are 250,000 pregnancy terminations each year in the uk - that means 30% of conceptions end in termination. Birth control is free, and are that many conceptions unplanned… my guess would be that many women have been in the same boat as us. I think it’s good to test yourself by asking “do I want people to recommend a termination or do I want people to tell me I can do this”, I think that helps with your answer.