Severe anxiety lead to termination

[Faithb123]

Hi,
I wanted to share my story and ask for help.
I had a termination of a wanted pregnancy due to - what I now know was - antenatal anxiety/ depression.
It took 2 days from taking the positive test to totally take over every fibre of my being. Stopped me eating, sleeping and made me believe that pregnancy was a huge mistake and beg for a miscarriage.
i’m only 2 days post termination, my overriding feeling is relief. The terror of the anxiety/depression made me want to die, I felt like I could not take another second.
I can see that a lot of people have terminated due to this.
im so sorry we share such a trauma.
i don’t have any children, has anyone been in this position. Will I ever be able to have children without my mind telling me termination is the only option?
scared for my future x

@strongtsandcs all we have to go on is the info OP provided. Her mum and partner were supportive of her decision to terminate so I can only assume that her anxiety was very severe. In my experience you’re really very unwell when you are swamped my anxious thoughts, both she and her loved ones decided that this was the best decision for her, at the time, and now she needs support and encouragement going forward.

Thank you @Chestnut12 - I really appreciate this.
I guess even though my anxiety lead me to “I should have a baby before it’s too late”, I’m 32 and we still have many things to do as a couple. We are looking at getting married in feb, looking for a new house, partner looking for a new job and I’m completing exams for a promotion. The overriding anxiety when I found out was “oh no, I realise now there was so much more I needed to do”.
My GP increased my meds, I’ve been referred for talking therapy and although I’ve got some quite low feelings at times, and pangs of worry, I’m managing at the moment.
I can only hope that this happened for a reason and even if it does feel just as unbearable next time, I will expect it?
how old we’re you when you had yours? X

@Faithb123 anxious thoughts really have a way of swinging one way and then another don’t they? So yes this happened to me at a similar stage. I was 33 when it first happened - still planning a wedding, just moved into our house and I was already feeling quite anxious. And I was really so very anxious at the thought of having a baby. My thoughts were out of control and racing all over the place, not sleeping etc. I think, even if I had managed to push through, it would have really affected how I coped with the newborn days. The sleep deprivation and just having a newborn are very, very hard, so I’m glad I was in a stronger place and able to actually enjoy it a bit rather than being swamped by anxiety. Once we were more settled, my dd arrived when I was 36 and although I had my worries, the anxiety did not return with such force and I was able to navigate pregnancy and the newborn days fairly well. im 39 now and hoping there is still time for a second baby!

these severe anxiety episodes are absolutely awful but it’s a chance to reflect and work on it. It really does feel like the anxiety “rules” you. I might feel that consciously I’m not anxious about something but I know that the anxiety can appear from nowhere and take hold - which makes decision making very scary! You are learning how to manage this difficult condition and, at the very least, you know to expect it and therefore find ways to cope in a future pregnancy. It would be good to look back at other anxious episodes and find the similarities. One book I found really helpful was “at last a life” by Paul David. It’s obviously not pregnancy related but I just found it a really insightful book about how anxiety tricks our minds. Xxx

@Chestnut12 I cannot tell you how grateful I am for you sharing this with me. I have been anxious for as long as I can remember, I can seem fine, when I’m doing nothing and watching tv - but thoughts creep in, sometimes they take hold for weeks, sometimes I am able to bat them away. The times I’ve gone into absolute meltdown have been times of stress, so once when I was recovered from an operation, once after my mum had received the all clear from womb cancer (health anxiety took over), once when my nan passed and once after an incident with someone who was aggressive to us on a street, it seems to cause a huge reaction in me. I felt the same take over after I found out I was pregnant. My partner was really excited but after a day or 2 of me not eating, sleeping and just shaking he said “I want to do this, but I want to do it with you, I want us to be so excited and scared together. I don’t want you to not be able to function, it’s not the right time”.
I had a really good chat with my mum who agreed. As a catholic I thought she would be very much against termination, and I know she wants to be a nana, however she told me that after I was born, she was so poorly with PND that she was admitted to hospital when I was 2 weeks old, and that all that matters to her is that I am well. I went to to 2 doctors (GP and gynae) - GP said I was her priority and when I plan children in the future it needs to be actually planned and I need to be on safe medication etc. The gynae consultant said the sac was empty but was so kind, and said “this is a hard enough job without contending with all these feelings”.
I think I just feel like I’ve failed, and sad and scared at what will happen in the future. I was petrified and shocked that I was - your story gives me so much hope. X

Hi @Faithb123 sorry for the late reply, I keep drafting messages to you as there is so much I could say! How are you feeling now? I hope things are a bit calmer for you and you’re feeling a bit more in control.

Your pattern of anxiety sounds very similar to mine! I know doctors use the term “generalised anxiety” but to me it feels like what we have is something else, which is episodic in nature and very severe when it’s bad. The thoughts really do run riot. When I’m in a bad patch I feel like part of my brain is on an uncontrollable anxiety spiral with negative thoughts, and the other half of my brain is thinking what is going on? These are ridiculous thoughts! But it has no actual control over the crazy anxiety. When I’m not in a bad place I still have anxious thoughts but they don’t take over. It’s really very difficult to manage when it’s bad, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t fulfil your dreams one day!

I was raised Catholic too! And at times I’ve thought well why isn’t God helping with this? But over the years I have concluded that it is best to keep religion separate to a medical issue. Bad thoughts doesn’t make me a bad person. And you can be religious but still have a very difficult time with your mental health. And it helps to remember that empathy and compassion are a big part of Catholicism. Your mum sounds lovely and supportive!

please don’t feel that you have failed - I promise the last thing you need is to add feelings of failure and guilt. You are dealing with a very real, very difficult mental problem, and you’re in a bad patch. But you will come out of it! I used to worry so much that I’d never be able to get over my thoughts and actions when I was in a bad patch. But actually, when you start to recover from this episode, you will look back and realise that you really did the best you could at the time. That’s how I felt and hopefully you will feel the same. You’ve got to go easy on yourself!

let me know how you are getting on Xxx

Hey lovely, I went through this exact thing earlier this year and now know it to have been hormone/anxiety related. Wanting it so much then freaking out when it happened and my mind talking me out of it. You’re always welcome to DM me!

Hi just wondering how you are doing now? I am in a similar position and could really use any support

@P234567 - hi, thanks for posting. Although I made the original post last summer, I’ve had 6 people message DM me in the same situation. I’m very well now. I’m hoping to get pre natal mental health support and then we will try again come the end of this year.
ive done a lot of research myself into what happened and talked at length to women who’ve been through the same.
im so happy to offer you support or anything I can do to show you you’re not alone. If you want to DM me, il be happy to share my contact details xx

I took Habe had this issue. How are you going now ?

Hi both, I’m well and for me, what I had to do to feel better was the best decision, it will be 2 years this summer since my termination and connected with amazing women in the same position as me. I am considering TTC this summer and I feel much stronger - if you want to private message me with your situations, please do. I have a group of a few women I’m still in contact who all went through an identical situation as me and I know it can be a very scary time. I’m happy to answer any questions and help if I can x

This happened to me too. I'm 39 and can't believe how stupid I was to terminated a wanted pregnancy at that age. I pray that I can conceive again. I wanted to conceive right away but needed time to get my head around what happened. I had the termination about 5 months ago but it's never left me and never will.

More than happy for anyone to send me a private message to chat. I kick myself every day

@Fairdreams OP here x

How are you all doing now? Ive been in this position too. 10 years ago and am now considering another pregnancy and still very scared of it happening again.

Hi, I still regret what happened but glad to report I am pregnant again at 40 (different donor). I should also note that this time , no anxiety at all, well just the normal hoping my NIPT will come back good and it's healthy etc. In my case, it didn't happen again. What is your story if you don't mind me asking?. Feel free to Pm me.

I got pregnant again. Now 16 weeks. No anxiety this time but i used another donor. I still wish I hadn't got a termination. But I guess if we aren't in the right state at the time & society are offering get out of jail free cards.....
but would I ever do it again. Never.

Hi @Rayme - I got pregnant in April 2025 and had the same feelings but not as severe and was able to persevere through the first (and worst) first 9 weeks - I then did very much enjoy being pregnant but sadly we lost our baby at 32 weeks, this was caused by a very rare gene mutation and I will absolutely try again. I think the initial shock of a pregnancy test is very daunting and makes you feel

@Fairdreams - I’m so pleased for you. I think having the experience of pregnancy again after such a traumatic one is really good for understanding yourself and how you might react and how you respond - knowledge is power x

So sorry to hear , but absolutely try again, if you got pregnant then you can do it again :-). I agree with you that the first nine weeks are infact the worst. I did spiral a little bit in that time but pulled myself together. Ironically thats the most common time for termination. Pretty sure if i made it to 16+ weeks i would have continued the pregnsncy. I'm tossing up whether to do NIPT or not. guess im just scared of TFMR - but on the other hand I want to know.

@Fairdreams Having had to have a TFMR due to a de novo gene mutation at 32 weeks, my advice is do everything you can to get the answered you can as early as possible- something being wrong is so so so very rare, but imagine the peace of mind in knowing. And the NIPT is none invasive. Again, knowledge is power. Absolutely- those first 9 weeks were torture for me (I only made it 6 weeks the first time). I do think the beginning is so hard cause of the shock (even though when you’re trying, you know what the end goal is - when you see that positive test and panic at what’s ahead - it’s unbearable in the beginning whilst hormones are going crazy). Always here x

Thank you so much for updating me. Did you take any medi action to help with the initial first 9 weeks? Also I am so so sorry to hear about your experience. I hope you get your baby and have the experience with pregnancy that you deserve, a peaceful, happy one.

Oh that is amazing news! Continued blessings on your pregnancy 🙏

Hey, I was 29 when I was last pregnant so 39 now. I got pregnant(was planned) I initially felt ok but by around 6 weeks, absolute sheer panic set in then my partner displayed some jealousy issues and that just freaked me out even more and I just felt like I'd made a massive mistake and was full of constant panic and no matter what I tried to do/tell myself i just couldn't seem to see or feel anything beyond sheer panic so I terminated. Initially I felt relief but about 3 days later the guilt and regret set in and I feel like it left me with some form of ptsd b3 ause I wanted another baby but was terrified of it all happening again as I needed therapy afterwards to overcome the termination. But here we are 10 years later(new partner) and I still desire another child im juat ao scared of going through the same thing again although I am on antidepressants now as I do suffer panic attacks and depression and I wasnt medicated last time so I hope that would help me this time.

@Rayme please feel free to DM me, you will get through it, I have done a lot of research on this following my experiences and I promise you, you can get through. Always happy to message

Am in a similar position at the minute.
am 33 and had been talking about TTC with partner for long time. We managed to conceive on the first month trying and I’m now 5 weeks.

I know how fortunate I am, but the past couple of weeks have been mentally hell for me. I’m having thoughts of hoping and wishing I will miscarry which sounds horrendous but would get rid of all of this.
I’ve looked online at getting a medical termination but my partner feels that it could cause me more harm mentally in the long run.

im terrified of how this will change my life and my relationships, I’m scared my MIL will be overbearing and ruin my relationship. I’m in a complete spiral about all of this so finding your thread is such a comfort