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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Other Half wants me to move 3 1/2 hours away!

28 replies

NewMummy2Be94 · 29/06/2023 19:05

Hello, I’m new on here but looking for some advice. I just found out I’m pregnant with my other half, I’m 28 and he’s 34. But we are in a long distance relationship. He lives 3 1/2 hours away from me. When I told him I was pregnant the first thing he said is I will have to move there because no way is he leaving his friends and family to move to me. He has moved away from family before for ex, I mean I understand we are starting a family, but I suffer with anxiety and feel that moving away from my family wouldn’t help me. The thought of having a termination really upsets me, so feel this isn’t an option.

Im constantly worrying about what I should do! Please no judging, just need some advice

OP posts:

Mumoftwoinprimary · 29/06/2023 19:06

If you move and then have the baby then you may not be able to move back. Don’t go unless you are really sure.

frazzledasarock · 29/06/2023 19:08

Stay where you have RL support and help.

I wouldn’t move for him.

how long have you been together?

HaveITheRightToHoldYouYouKnowIveAlwaysToldYou · 29/06/2023 19:08

Gosh, he already wants to control things and sounds quite selfish. Why are his friends more important than yours and your family?
Being isolate after birth is a recipe for misery. I’d not be moving in your shoes.

Beamur · 29/06/2023 19:09

You don't have to move. Are your family supportive?
It's not ideal but neither is uprooting yourself at a time you feel vulnerable either.
Can you afford to stay where you are? What are the options for looking after the baby (presuming you intend to go back to work).

Original poster

NewMummy2Be94 · 29/06/2023 19:11

My family are so supportive, and because it’s my first pregnancy I feel like I need the support from them, but then worry I’m being selfish

OP posts:

EllaRaines · 29/06/2023 19:13

He could leave you at any time. Your family if you get on well, will always be there.

Don't move. Let him make the effort to visit.

HermioneWeasley · 29/06/2023 19:14

Well, he’s just shown you he’s selfish and has no regards for your wants, needs or well-being. Leave him.

Hoppinggreen · 29/06/2023 19:15

Options are move, terminate or have the baby on your own (with family support).
Have you got anyone you can speak to in real life?

FloweryName · 29/06/2023 19:15

Don’t move away from your family to be with him. You would end up feeling lonely and isolated all for a man who doesn’t love you enough to do for you what you’ve just done for him.

jackstini · 29/06/2023 19:17

Tell him there was a no way you are leaving your friends and family to move to him

Stay where you have love and support

UnaOfStormhold · 29/06/2023 19:17

This doesn't sound promising - it's not unreasonable to want to live together but it needs to be a compromise and a joint decision; handing out ultimatums without showing consideration for your needs and feelings is worrying. I would not move away from your support network as it seems a rather faint hope that he will support you.

TidyDancer · 29/06/2023 19:17

No way would I move for a man who spoke to me like that. He can certainly put his point across but he isn't supreme ruler and doesn't get to make your decisions for you. Stay with your family.

Ged94 · 29/06/2023 19:27

I think the discussion of one of you moving had to happen but sounds like he's been really rude and pushy about it... I wouldn't be happy with the attitude

Spottypineapple · 29/06/2023 19:29

Sorry OP but he's shown his true colours already. Selfish and thoughtless. Do not move away from your family for this man.

Original poster

NewMummy2Be94 · 29/06/2023 19:29

We have been together 2 1/2 years, we didn’t plan this to happen yet

OP posts:

Original poster

NewMummy2Be94 · 29/06/2023 19:30

Thankyou everyone, I feel like I just needed reassurance I wasn’t being selfish by wanted to stay around my support network.

OP posts:

catsnhats11 · 29/06/2023 19:34

What was the long term plan before? Surely after 2.5 years you'd discussed it and weren't intending to have an indefinite long distance relationship? Ultimately one or both of you would have to move.

TolkiensFallow · 29/06/2023 19:35

You aren’t being selfish and presumably it will be you staying home looking after the baby? So frankly you need a support network.

noscoobydoodle · 29/06/2023 19:36

This happened to me-long distance relationship and unexpected pregnancy. I had the baby living on my own in my home town with my support network in place-prepared to go it alone if needed. Turned out fine in the end. Within a few months of baby being born we moved in together near to my home town but more accessible to his home town- a compromise that worked well for us both. 9 years (and 2 more kids) later we moved to his home town (which is also where we met anyway) which is where we are now. Maybe you OH is just in shock, or maybe he is a bit of an idiot. Either way, prioritise yourself and baby and consider anything else a bonus.

MintJulia · 29/06/2023 19:39

Don't go. Have the baby at home and then carry on your long distance relationship until the first year is over.

Then see how you feel. Being a new mum in a strange town with no support and no friends is really tough.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 29/06/2023 19:47

MintJulia · 29/06/2023 19:39

Don't go. Have the baby at home and then carry on your long distance relationship until the first year is over.

Then see how you feel. Being a new mum in a strange town with no support and no friends is really tough.

I agree with this!

Dotcheck · 29/06/2023 19:55

Why did he decide to embark on a long distance relationship if he was adamant he wouldn’t move?
I wouldn’t move either. You shouldn’t have to pay emotional debts incurred in his previous relationships

Original poster

NewMummy2Be94 · 29/06/2023 19:56

I love hearing this! That’s the thing I’ll be more than willing to move maybe when the baby is abit older, just feel like I need my support network to start with.

OP posts:

Kay286 · 29/06/2023 20:01

Don’t do it !! Speaking from experience , I moved 4 hours from family when I was young and pregnant to live by him, regretted the decision for a huge part of my life. I was young .isolated , lonely- I spent a lot of time trying to move back but it never happened. I have huge guilt about not being able to pop over to see my mum and her form the bonds with my children.
As it turned out I left him and made a new life which is brilliant with my now husband …. So it may have been my destiny but I hugely regretted the move for a long time.

LemonLimeDivine · 29/06/2023 20:02

I absolutely would not leave my supportive family at such a time. Stay where you have support and everything is familiar.

Further down the road you can reassess.

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