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Original poster

Being bridesmaid... with a newborn?!

55 replies

BagelO · 26/06/2023 06:59

Hello all
My lovely friend asked me to be bridesmaid earlier this year. I am now pregnant which didn't take as long as expected (so we are very blessed) and of course regardless, we did not want to put off TTC because of this (I don't think this is selfish)

I am due mid feb and the wedding is 4 weeks after. Still early days pregnancy wise.

I told my friend straight away as I can imagine how stressful wedding planning is - we sort of agreed I'd become a guest instead and we'd work out exact logistics closer (if I come alone / with partner / stay over etc)

She then said a little while after if I am coming , why don't I just be bridesmaid. She is being super accomodating (I am so grateful for this!!) has said I can miss some pictures, have my baby all day there and also at the getting ready. This is really lovely and she didn't have to offer this.

My issues and worries though are...

  1. The dress. The material is a silk tight material and I am already overweight(pre pregnancy). we have to buy our own and I have no idea what size I am going to be or how I look . The dresses go up to a size 18 but have no give. I am terrified of even the biggest size won't fit.
  2. I am going to be pushing for a planned c section due to a medical condition so have no idea how I'll be feeling recovery wise.
  3. If I don't get my C-section and go over due. It'll be even closer to the date.
  4. I want to breastfeed - the dress will not allow for this. this is my first aswell so I don't know how easy this will be to juggle around baby and duties (iv never been a bridesmaid either)

not sure if it's relevant but we are in a hot country and will likely be around 35 degrees sunshine!

I am getting super anxious as I don't want to let my friend down but I also clueless and don't know what to expect therefore a lot is 'what if'
I need to make a decision so I can speak with her and not mess around . She really has gone above and beyond in her offers to me.
Lots of things are booked , hair , makeup etc and we are about to order the dresses. I had hinted re maybe waiting till after my 12 week scan to make formal decisions but things do need to be in advance unfortunately.

Just looking for opinions on those who may know more about having newborns and /or being a bridesmaid - what they would suggest doing?

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Poppins2016 · 27/06/2023 05:50

I know you mentioned that you'd struggle to sort alterations, but if you do decide to go down that route, you might be able to ask a seamstress to add zips for breastfeeding access (depending on where the seams are). The FB group "can I breastfeed in it" sometimes has posts with similar issues and people have often been able to add zips successfully.

Original poster
BagelO · 27/06/2023 06:16

Nell80 · 27/06/2023 04:24

Sent too soon...(I'm in the don't tell someone what to wear and then make them pay for it camp fwiw)

The first few weeks of newborn life are absolutely the most difficult I've ever experienced. I could barely brush my teeth let alone leave the house, do full hair and make up, wear a form fitting dress etc. And you have no idea if baby will be chill or not, what your recovery will be like etc. If you do decide on C-section you have no idea of you'll be able to move around as usual by 4 weeks. They're a February baby, so you'll be coming out of winter in the long nights, with very little vitamin D to keep you going. It would be a firm thanks but no from me. But it sounds from your post that you kind of know the answer is no already? (Correct me if I'm wrong).

I would take the pressure of myself and my friend and say I'll come as a guest if I can.

By the way, you don't need to push for C-section, you can just ask for one. They shouldn't say no, but if they do you can just ask to see someone who will say yes. It's part of patient choice.

Sorry I had said a few posts down but I am not actually in the UK so it will be a peak summer baby where I am. February is the hottest time of year with lots of high 30s even 40 days eeek. Dreading that haha!

your right I am leaning no and I think it will be less hassle and stress for us both overall (me and my friend)

yeah I have no experience with maternity here and most my friends were nhs so no knowledge of others in the health system either - hoping I don't have to push to hard as it is a brain nerve condition .

OP posts:
Ladybug14 · 27/06/2023 06:25

What a lovely friend you have

I'm afraid I wouldn't have gone to the wedding in any capacity as my daughter was almost permanently boob attached at 4 weeks.

Not everyone breast feeds in the way I did, but it worked for us

autieawesome · 27/06/2023 06:30

I was a bridesmaid when my baby was 8 weeks old. The dress had to be altered twice! I leaked breast milk on it. Once at a fitting and it had to be cleaned and again on the night. (Yes I had breast pads but it was a fitted corset style) total nightmare and I didn't take baby as no children so I expressed and pil had her.

Nicecow · 27/06/2023 07:22

@BagelO good decision OP, your friend will probably appreciate it!

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