He wants me to get an abortion

[HillBill64]

So I recently found out I was pregnant, my partner insisted on an abortion from the get go. I agreed and made an appointment at the clinic. After scanning to see how far on I was (on the pill so didn’t have periods to track), turns out I’m 15weeks 6 days. This obviously was a massive shock for me, and changed my thoughts instantly on not being able to have an abortion.
problem is he still wants me to have an abortion, and doesn’t see an issue with it. Now he’s ignoring me and not replying to my messages.
I guess I’m just after some advice, I’m just in shock I think.

I’m so sorry OP. What do you want? Sounds like whatever you do the relationship is over. So do you want this baby and to raise it without him?

Your body your choice

If you don't want an abortion then don't go ahead with one. You would have to live with that for the rest of your life.

You can do whatever you want. It's not all about him. Go for the counselling available st the clinic. GP will help. Just be aware it could mean you will be a single parent and it's very very hard work.
I was a single parent at 21 and I wouldn't be without my lovely DS but there were times I wondered why I made that decision.

If you don't want a baby by yourself then don't go ahead with the pregnancy. You would have to live with that for the rest of your life.

But what do you want? Decision is yours, not his. He sounds horrid anyway, you are better off without him. If you want your baby, amazing, if you don’t, it’s your decision. Don’t be influenced by him.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, it's a hard decision but the only one that can make that choice is you, personally I do think this would end my relationship if it was me but either decision you make is life changing, I'm sure that baby would be loved by everyone around you, dads aren't needed for a baby to be loved and looked after, but at the same time if you don't want to raise a baby then don't it's a tough job. I really hope you figure out what's right for you 💜

If you've decided to keep the baby then it sounds as though the relationship is over - but then either way I guess it probably is now, because he should be supporting you in your decision and he's not.

he still wants me to have an abortion, and doesn’t see an issue with it. Now he’s ignoring me and not replying to my messages.
This is why the relationship is over (whether OP keeps the pregnancy or not).

My partner wanted me to have an abortion and was a bit of an arsehole for about 3 months. Turns out he was in shock/panic mode and just didn't believe he could raise a child. Said child is now 5 and very much so has his father. I knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I had an abortion so I didn't x

You have so many more options than just be a single parent or have an abortion OP! Counselling will help you work through those. Your partner sounds like a walking red flag regardless and I would throw the whole man out.

He gets precisely no say in your decision. At all.

This is your body and your choice.

For context I should have added, I have a child already and know what it’s like to be a single parent.
we are both in our 30s and have separate houses and both work. Yes this wasn’t planned, however with regards to how far on I am I couldn’t go down the route of an abortion.
I don’t know why he can’t see where I’m coming from as to what the baby would actually look like at this stage of pregnancy. And why I’m finding this situation so difficult, and why he can’t just support me in it all.

When pregnant with my DD, my partner decided he no longer wanted me or her and left the day before my 12 week scan (never to be seen again) he told me to abort her, I thought it was too late… I now have an amazing 5 year old I couldn’t imagine my life without! Yes it was hard doing it alone, but so rewarding… and I don’t regret a second of it. Your life will change direction but not for the worse! Do what your heart is telling you. X

Don't have the abortion if you have any doubts. You won't ever get past it, you will resent your partner, you relationship will not survive it. Your relationship might not survive you keeping it, either. But it sure won't survive you aborting because you will never ever move past it and regardless of partner in your life or not, you will regret it for the rest of your life. It affects your body, and also your soul and mental health. Don't do it if you can't. He will either have to respect your wishes or not, but don't do what you can't endure.

In the end you're the one who has to live with your decision for the rest of your life. Partners come and go, the decision you make is permanent.

It isn’t his decision to make, it is yours. What you want to do is the only issue. I will say though, that I have three friends who were pressured to terminate pregnancies. One told her Mum (we were all in our twenties at the time) who rang the father’s Mum , who then rang her son and went nuclear. The baby is a young man now and much loved by both parents who amazingly did stay together and work it out.
The other two friends both terminated. One was very damaged by this for a long time, she had very much wanted to keep the pregnancy, but the man was older and married, and put huge emotional pressure on her, she never had another pregnancy so it is very sad.
So, my advice would be to think deeply about what you want, and try to shut out any pressure . It is you who would have to go through the termination, or the pregnancy and birth. It is you who would be bringing up the baby. It is nobody else’s choice to make.

It's your choice - do what you want, and if you're not sure yet you still have time.o

Either way I'd be ditching your partner, what a horrible thing to say, and to then ghost you is appalling. I would not be co-parenting with him that's for certain.

cameoveragain the OP is already a single parent, so I can't imagine it would be all that confusing for her DC to have a new sibling. And the fact that babies sometimes cry doesn't seem like a good enough reason to change one's mind and get an abortion after all.

Your partner is an arse and you are well shot of him. He will need to pay child maintenance for his child.

Have the baby or not, just as you please. This is your decision alone, and his opinion here matters not at all.

I'll agree with the other comments, don't do it if you're doubting it. Ultimately, it is your body and your decision.

My question to OP would be - do YOU think you could live with any regrets or the mental toll of an abortion? Yes it takes two to get into that situation, but it's only you who would be impacted by an abortion.

Best of luck for whichever route you choose on your journey 💕

Thank you all for your kind messages, I have a lot to think about. But I know ultimately it’s my decision at the end of the day.
Just never expected this to happen, and honestly expected him to be more understanding given how many weeks I am. But oh well, life eh 🙄

He doesnt want a baby. He's not carrying it so he doesn't understand the emotional reasons you've got for keeping it. For him he can't identify it as a baby so it has no significance. I'm not being horrible about him but you just have different emotions about it.
Obviously do what's right for you. Having an abortion might very well negatively impact your mental health for the rest of your life. On the other hand, having the baby could be problematic in practical ways, although of course you'll love it.
Either decision is tough.