How do you politely say ‘don’t touch my bump’?

[Gdxx]

Im not an overly touchy person, not a hugger etc and I’ve never had any interest in touching anyone else’s bump if they were pregnant. My last pregnancy I managed to avoid anyone touching mine as it was during covid so didn’t ever have to say no! Now expecting number 2 and my MIL took me by surprise the other day when she came to drop something off at the door and mid conversation she just went straight for my bump with both hands. I find myself wearing loose things around her to try to hide it a bit as she stares and comments on it all the time and it makes me feel so self conscious.

She was just awkwardly rubbing my belly as I stood there. She must have seen the look on my face as I was so taken aback that she hadn’t even asked if she could 😳 I still have a few months of this left.. how can I politely say don’t do that without it sounding really rude? I don’t see why you should have to put up with people just touching you whenever they want and making you feel uncomfortable though just because you’re pregnant!

Och, I’m just honest and say I don’t like people touching my bump, sorry. And that’s that 🤣

@justanothermanicmonday1 I was kind of prepared that at some point she might ask and was ready with that kind of response but other than just to look horrified, I didn’t know what else to do when she was suddenly doing it without asking 🙈

You don’t need to be polite, just tell her to get off.

Ask her firmly but politely to stop. She wouldn’t rub your tummy, or any part of you were you not pregnant, so she shouldn’t be doing it now you are!

@Malarandras thats kind of how I see it. It would have been really weird for me to rub her belly back but that’s what she’d just done to me. I don’t mind my husband touching it but unless I invited someone else to touch it to feel a kick or something (which I’m unlikely to do) I don’t think you can just touch it without asking 😳

Sounds like she won't be doing it again if it was awkward and you looked horrified

Remove their hand and say, please don't do that, I can't stand it.

You don't need to prioritise their feelings about it over yours.

@dooneyousmugelf I would like to think not but she’s not the type of person to pick up on these sorts of obvious cues so I would imagine she will try it next time I see her

@Seas164 that’s a really good way of looking at it

Please don’t touch me without my consent.

should do. Ask once and if they don’t listen, I would shout ‘I said DO NOT TOUCH ME’.

Either remove her hands and say "please don't", or rub her tummy back and ask if it's a new form of greeting.

So relieved to see people actually giving me useful advice.. expected a few to be straight on with the ‘it’s her grandchild, she can feel it if she wants’ 🙈

Rub her tummy back, whilst looking her dead in the eyes without smiling. Anything she says at that point, from surprise to disapproval, can safely be met with “well you started it…”

Oh I hate that when a woman becomes pregnant it's like she's public property. I love the 'rub her tummy back' replies!

I was very particular about this, I didn't mind anyone I'd normally hug touching my bump but I found most people didn't unless I said about getting kicked etc and even then they asked first. I know it's just that she's really excited that her grandkid is in there and she can't wait to meet them, but you are absolutely still entitled to full bodily autonomy. Id just mention next time, oh I actually find people touching my bump a bit weird, sorry. And just make it light and then move on. Can you imagine if people just went around touching non pregnant people's tummies- would be so uncomfortable for all involved so don't know why people can't contain themselves around a bump!

About 20 years ago, at work, a male colleague with whom I had a somewhat difficult relationship reached out in the middle of the conversation and gave my bump a rub. I was so shocked that I shot backwards, fell off a kerb and shrieked 'get off you cunt' as I landed on my already struggling arse on the tarmac.

I have never used the word in anger before or since. My other colleagues were horrified and amused in equal measure, and they called an ambulance as I was over 8 months gone and someone went with me to be checked over.

In short, you can practice all you like for when you have warning, but caught unawares being a shrieking harpy isn't necessarily bad in this situation.

Your body is still your own even with a foetus inside it. If a person wouldn't be welcome to rub your tum, butt or boobs the rest of the time, why should what's inside make a difference?

A firm 'no' and a hand gesture like you would with a dog might work for people you don't want to swear at or punch.

With a close relation like this I'd be nicer and lift her hand off and say , "oh no sorry I'm weird about people touching me, was like that before but even more so since pregnant"
Give them chance to apologise and back off without falling out.
. Stranger of course, would be blunt don't touch me

Please don't touch me

Please don't do that, it feels uncomfortable

If its a rando I'd ask them what the fuck they thought they were doing and to get off me. If its your MIL I'd politely say you don't like people touching your tummy and please to refrain from doing so. If she gets pouty tell her she wouldn't like it if you started rubbing hers back! Otherwise get DH to deal with it. He can tell his family you don't like being touched and to leave you alone.

My instincts were very protective, even if DH reached over unexpectedly I'd swat his hand without even thinking about it - and I usually had no issues with him touching it! First time he asked why I did that as I knew he'd never hurt it, so I was childish, waited 5 mins then went for his balls 😂 when he flinched and covered I asked what was the problem, he knew I'd never hurt them. He got the message.

Say the skin on it is really sensitive - which was actually true for me! It felt like sunburn in the third trimester and even my DH touching it took me by surprise.

With me, the automatic reaction of shrinking away from them usually sends the message. Just step away so their hands come off straight away....if they persist just say no!

I had my first towards end of covid and still had this issue. Dreading seeing my mum this time round, having to say no, and hearing 'but I'm your mother' ! I'm completely touched out at the best of times

"I've already got someone touching my tummy from the inside, I really don't want touching outside as well"

I am contrary to a lot of mn in being all about fudging it to give people a dignified out while not embroiling myself in drama/grudges people might hold.

So I would say if you can ‘omg do you mind so much if you DON’T touch me, it makes me so nauseous in fact I might throw up right now!’. If said person is really doing your head in you can bolt for the loo and mumsnet for a relaxing five minutes as well.

When mil/colleague/randomer says doubtfully ‘i never heard of that as a symptom’ you can say ‘I KNOW isn’t it EXTRAORDINARY, pregnancy is weird why just the other day I woke up in the night craving pickle ice cream etc etc’ and deflect the discussion.

then you are giving your mil an out where she can say ‘well, my poor dil, you can’t even touch her and she feels sick poor thing’ and you have a cast iron excuse for everyone to leave you alone. Without any drama.

Just tell her you don’t like it.