Got pregnant on first try - feeling not ready?

[hollym512]

Hi everyone,

I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive as I am very aware that I'm in a very lucky position, and there are lots of people out there who have been TTC for a long time.

My husband and I started talking about getting pregnant earlier this year and I came off birth control in Feb. We started officially trying at the start of April (wanted to give myself a month using condoms to get periods back to normal) and I got pregnant the very first month.
I'm now 6 weeks in and having a difficult time with being pregnant. It's my first baby and I had no idea the reality of the cramping and constipation, constant nausea and feeling completely exhausted.

I am quite an anxious person and overthink everything, and I see so many videos online now that I'm pregnant from women who say that having a baby was the worst thing to happen to them, they miss their old lives, and if they'd known before how hard it would be they'd have waited until they were completely ready - emotionally, physically and financially.

I'm just a bit scared maybe we've rushed into it. Don't get me wrong, we were so incredibly happy when we found out, but I guess the symptoms are taking their toll now and I'm becoming quite aware of the different things I'll be giving up to start this new journey.

Is it normal to feel this way? Any advice or reassurance would be appreciated!

Its very normal. I've read so many accounts from other women saying they were actively trying then felt like 'what have we done' when they actually got pregnant. I felt the same way too.

I'm a year in now and I'll be honest the first year, especially the first few months, they are hard. I found parenthood way harder than I expected for sure. You can't do things like you used to like go to the movies on a whim. But I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. My little one amazes me every single day and is funny and cheeky and makes my whole world brighter.

I'd say if you have a good support network round you it's easier. Grandparents or reliable friends even that can look after baby for a few hours or overnight to give you a break. If not (we dont) it's a few years of sacrificing things like movies before they're old enough to go with you for example. And it's totally worth the sacrifice.

You 2 are going to do great 👍

Congratulations 😊
Same happened to me with my first. I also had Hyperemesis, which sounds like you might have too. If your nausea is so bad it’s affecting your normal life, contact your GP - they deal with it rather than midwives.
There’s also an ongoing thread called Hyperemesis Support - have a look.

You have many months to come to terms with pregnancy and life with a baby, so don’t try and think of increasingly apocalyptic scenarios - it’s no use.

My personal experience was not great at the beginning - I never felt properly glowing or whatever, felt silly talking to the bump etc… when he was born I was shocked that I’m now responsible for another human being to the effect that his entire existence depends on me feeding him and holding him all the time.

Breastfeeding and contact napping pretty much meant losing my body autonomy, which made me feel all sorts of emotions (mostly the rage of a trapped animal) until I surrendered to it and embraced holding my baby pretty much 24/7, because that’s what he needed.

Now with my second everything is a doddle - I accepted treatment for Hyperemesis, talked to the bump, breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

That is all to say - it’s scary because you’ve never done it before. But you’ll find your feet, and if you go for another in the future, you’ll feel like a pro. Everything will be fine, OP!

Totally normal, this happened to me with both of my pregnancies and shocked me both times. I also had awful symptoms throughout and struggled a lot with how that made me feel.

On a positive note, I was so miserable during pregnancy that the newborn exhaustion actually seemed to be a significant improvement on being pregnant. Also, when you look back on it, it's not as long as it feels at the time. I said during my first pregnancy I'd rather be waterboarded than do this again and 14 months after my son's birth I was excitedly doing a pregnancy test then panicking when it was positive. I now have a 4 month old and I don't regret a second of it.

Make sure you get on top of that constipation though, it can get really bad. I was prescribed laxido in the end as nothing else worked and that did the job!

Welcome to the single handedly most amazing experience coupled with the most mind fuck experience your ever going to experience! It's a complete and utter rollercoaster of my daughter is absolutely amazing one minute and OMFG what have I done the next.

I wouldn't change my life now but I do miss the old life.

I think it's normal to miss the old life to be honest and you won't prefer either they are just different.

My first pregnancy I was 23 and it was a complete shock (was told at 17 I couldn't have children due to hormone imbalance and other issues). I was horrifically under prepared and spent the first two trimesters crying and wishing I wasn't pregnant. However, when she arrived, everything just slotted into place. Yes the sleep deprivation is hard and there are days you struggle (but that's just life anyway with work, family, relationships etc) but, on the whole, they change your life for the better in ways you could never imagine.
I'm now 39+3 with a (planned) baby no2 and very excited. Dreading the early newborn stage in some ways BUT don't let too many people put you off the first bit... yes it's hard but so utterly gorgeous at the same time! And it really does go so quickly. Your life will change immensely... but for the better! Good luck!

Totally normal! I'm 34 weeks after IVF, tried for 8 months and got some tests, husbands count was low due to a varicocele, paid privately for op that didn't work, then paid privately for IVF as felt like we'd spent so much time trc already, got pregnant on first cycle so completely so lucky. And yet I still had that mad first trimester wobble of OHMYGODEHATHAVEIDONE. despite wanting it so badly, enough to have interventions etc! I think it's hormonal tbh, I recently learned of the 3 day bmjes too after you've had baby and both my friends while recently had children said they couldn't stop crying in the first week, again hormones and huge life shift!

Once the first trimester was over I've really enjoyed being pregnant, there's a lovely middle bit where (not everyone but lots) aren't nauseous, body gets an energy boost and you can really start looking forward to that baby coming. Especially when you start feeling their little movements:)

Congratulations btw :)

Blues*

I went through this exact phase, and I only got pregnant after 1.5 years TTC and IVF, so I'm certain it's natural!
Your life is going to change beyond recognition, so you have doubts and go through an adjustment period... but I promise you it will be more than worth it.
I had a horrible pregnancy with unrelenting nausea, struggled through the newborn phase with PND and PNA. Even so, having my gorgeous daughter is so rewarding I'm planning another go-round next year 🤣 best of luck with it all xxxx

This happened to me. I didn’t try for a baby till my mid 30s. Everyone around me had been warning me that it would be hard to get pregnant. That it might take years etc. I got pregnant the first time we tried and it was really shocking. I’d geared myself up for the long haul and hadn’t got my head around the being pregnant part, only the trying!

Having a baby is life changing but in an amazing way. Yes there are hard bits but my life is now so full of love and people it’s fantastic. I went on to have a 2nd and fell pregnant again just as quickly.

Congratulations!!

First step: Stop looking at negative videos online.

I also got pregnant right away. Currently pregnant with second child & both times, it must have literally been the first couple of days of it being possible. I had mentally prepared myself for it to take months, so it was a totally different adjustment to then be pregnant.

I also felt like I couldn’t talk about that being hard, when so many people do struggle TTC for a long while.

having our first child did turn out to be a huge life adjustment; mostly we weren’t prepared (by tv, media, etc) for just how unrelenting the early period would be. But I think that would have been our experience even if we had waited a couple more years. And in amongst the hard work and life changes were truly wonderful times as well. I felt “touched out” sometimes having fed the baby for hours but at the same time, having her sleeping on my chest was the most peaceful feeling.

Gosh OP, I could have written this post during my first pregnancy! 💐It took me a really long time to accept that I was pregnant (and going to stay that way) but it did come. Be gracious with yourself - it’s a lot.

When you’re feeling a bit more up to it come and join on us on the babies due in January thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/4813093-due-january-2024-part-2?page=20

I think it's normal.

I got pregnant first month at 31 .. coming off the pill after 12 years. I was shocked and thinking what have you done. Then I miscarried (25.12/26.12) and by 11.02 I was pregnant again ... first cycles both times. Inflit between what have I done?!, to this is the right thing but I'm so anxious about everything and so worried about baby.

Try and stay away from videos on the internet it doesn't help. The TikTok algorithm is a nightmare, knock videos off straight away and eventually they'll stop!

Good luck in your pregnancy 😘

So normal that I'd expect pretty much most first time mums feel the same at some point.
DS and fiancée (their wedding is booked shortly) are currently undergoing tests after the loss of three pregnancies. The not knowing what the future will hold is so difficult for them. As much as it's normal to feel the way you do, please be careful if you voice it publicly.

Honestly, it is so normal to feel like this. I know people who tried for years and once they became pregnant instantly questioned what they had wanted.

The reality of the first trimester for most is constant tiredness, nausea and or vomiting, headaches, period like pains, constipation (leading to haemorrhoids) and mood swings. It is not what is sold to us - quick vomit in the morning then on with the day, glowing and smiling about the new life you are growing. It can be brutal and there is no way to get away from it save ending the pregnancy or sleeping through the first 14 weeks.

My first pregnancy was a complete shock to the system and my second has been a breeze (knowing what to expect). You'll be fine, it gets worse before it gets better usually so just hang in there and have something to look forward to every day x

I'm pregnant with dc 4. It was a hard road to this pregnancy, two miscarriages and quite a long time ttc.

I still felt panicked and WTF have we done when I got the positive test. I am 16 weeks now and only just starting to actually look forward to the baby!

Early pregnancy hormones really mess with your head! Also feeling like crap for 3+ months doesn't help. I think it's very normal to feel unprepared and worried but the good feelings will come too in time.

Congratulations

Don't feel
Guilty. I had theses feelings too. After IVF. It's natural

Soon the pregnancy hormones will take over

Long post alert but want to share it if it helps you and anyone else reading.

I got pregnant first month of trying too, aged 32 in a 10 year relationship, both with safe jobs and a mortgage, so everything on paper was there.

I ended up with severe hyperemesis from 5 weeks with 3 weeks in hospital. I was so weak I couldn’t walk, talk or engage in any phone/tv. I was like a living corpse kept alive by the hospital. I ended up on steroids after trying every drug available and nearly ended up being tube fed.
Thankfully it improved enough to eat/ drink whilst heavily medicated and that lasted until the day my baby was born.
I also had horrific constipation to the point I had to have a bowel enema done for an impaction that was so uncomfortable and stopped my bladder working.
I also had crippling PGP that meant I could barely walk and had to stop any form of walking or exercise.

My mental health was rock bottom. My body was destroyed. I kept reading things about life changing, especially on here and how people wished they never had kids and don’t enjoy it. I sobbed and sobbed about the mistake we had made. Bawled my eyes out to my DP that our relationship is over and we might as well end it now as everyone says it will online from what I read.

People at work would tell me ‘just you wait’ if I said I was tired and how I need to make the most of my time before the baby comes. Yet I was suffering and in pain and mentally not ok as I was terrified because of all these comments.

i read so many mumsnet threads about regretting children and just kept dwelling on my life being ruined. I also read about newborn days and how some never want to be put down etc etc and was absolutely terrified.

I cried everyday even the evening before she was born as I’d let all the comments and internet reading get to me.

Anyway she’s here now and I’m 8 days in. Nothing has been as bad as my brain had made it. I still cry… I’ve cried because I’m scared it will get harder and I won’t cope as again, there’s more ‘just you wait’ comments. Yet nothing has happened yet that has been as bad as anything I’ve read. She’s asleep beside me right now as I write this. I have my body back, I am no longer in agony with my back, no longer constantly vomiting or severely constipated.

Ive let others and the internet ruin my
experience, please don’t let it ruin yours. I was freaking out but my baby is perfect and I’m enjoying it so far…!

Thank you so much to everyone who replied with their kind and reassuring messages!

It's certainly made me feel better knowing I'm not alone in this, and hearing from all of you was the push I needed to chat to my husband about it- where I was scared he'd be upset, he was completely understanding and it's made a big difference

Sending hugs to you all! Xxx

P.S going to completely ignore all the negative TikTok's from now on!!!

It’s totally normal, and I don’t think you are ever really ready! It’s a total lifestyle change and you expect that to start when the baby is born, but it starts with pregnancy!

I got pregnant via IUI on the first attempt, the odds were 89% against and so when it worked I felt like I had cheated. When I went back to the fertility clinic for a scan at 8 weeks to confirm that my pregnancy was viable I sat in the waiting room with mums who had been TTC for much, much longer and I felt like I’d stolen a baby from them or something. When the nurses called me, they said “congratulations mummy!” in front of everyone and I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Pregnancy brain does funny things! 🙈