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Original poster

Would midwives let me do this?

42 replies

Ashleeeeeeeey · 18/05/2023 10:14

Okay please don’t judge! Or critique I’ll explain now

I’m pregnant with DC2, so excited. I got my due date and I would go in at 39 - 40 weeks for an elective c section (due to my last being c section, I have heard this is more likely than VBAC)

However , the week it would be is challenging. I’m nervous because my fiancés brothers child has their birthday that week. And he despises me (the brother) and would openly make this an issue and I feel so nervous the thought of it happening he’ll be so rude and I just want to avoid it

And I know he’d purposely each year try to ensure the family go to celebrate his kids birthday and try to down play this DC’s birthday. He literally cannot stand me and was not 1% happy for us when we had our son. Didn’t even say congratulations

would a midwife let me go to my due date week or the week after? Which would take us to the 1st/2nd of the next month and I’d rather that as it’s a diff month and my fiancé s brorher can’t be weird about it

Sorry this seems so stupid and irrational. He makes me feel so uncomfortable

OP posts:
DaniFar · 18/05/2023 10:19

The midwives will do what's best for the baby not your family issues.

Baby might decide to come earlier anyway, mine did.

You can always ask but they may raise an eyebrow.

Sorry your BIL is so shitty. Try and ignore and enjoy your baby whenever they are born and just try and ignore BIL.

TheBeesKnee · 18/05/2023 10:20

What's your husband doing about his brother's atrocious attitude towards you?

Izzie94x · 18/05/2023 10:23

A friend of mine had her elective c-section booked in the W/C her due date. In fact, only 4 days before. But the little monkey had other ideas and came the day before her elective!

Usually they’re happy to schedule around you - as long as everything is ok. But just know, the closer you are, the more risk of bubs coming early x

ggemlogin · 18/05/2023 10:25

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StarboysMum · 18/05/2023 10:26

Sorry to read about your fiancé's brother. He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

I don't know to what extent you can manipulate your child's birthday. But I just wanted to share my experience, as I'm in a similar position. I am NC with my SIL, and we have children with birthdays a day apart. It's never been an issue. My PILs are local, and we usually manage to have separate celebrations either on different weekends or different days.

How well do you get on with your in-laws to be?

Mangotime · 18/05/2023 10:27

With no other risk factors other than previous CS, you could easily book that at 40-41+ weeks. Obviously you’d need a plan for if you went in to spontaneous labour. Lots of our women will book sections past their due date to avoid induction, but will aim for VB
if they labour spontaneously. VBAC is encouraged now, all things being equal, so you may decide to go down that route anyway.

However, why have you let this prick get under your skin so much that you are considering making medical
decisions for yourself and your baby based on his preferences!! This is someone you say hates you so why are you giving any amount of weight to his opinions and preferences? Advocate for yourself and your kids and put yourselves first. Cut this cunt out if he doesn’t like it.

Lcb123 · 18/05/2023 10:28

I really wouldn’t let an idiot like that dictate something so important as your birth. Take the medical advice above any family drama around birthdays.

Original poster
Ashleeeeeeeey · 18/05/2023 10:29

Apart from BIL - I am so good with everyone else they’re fab with me it’s a good relationship!

I sound so stupid asking what I have. Just nervous about it

my fiancé has made a few comments to him and stands up to him but then he plays victim and insists he’s not rude etc. I’ve told him to leave it now as we want to keep peace and not upset the family

but yeah it’s a tricky one.

OP posts:
RhosynBach · 18/05/2023 10:32

my elcs was 3 days before my due date. I don’t think they’d let you go overdue though for an elcs

lookslikeabombhitit · 18/05/2023 10:32

The midwives and doctors don't get to "let you" do anything. Unless you lack capacity to make a decision regarding your care you get to decide- whether that's an elective section or a v-bac. The job of the midwife and doctors is to provide you with choices and give you the information you need to make the right decision for YOU and baby (you're not just an incubator- you get the say!). It's not their job to tell you what to do and enforce that unless you lack capacity- in which case they would have to seek legal advice/ speak to your guardians etc.

FeelingLikeAShitMother · 18/05/2023 10:33

Depending on your reasons for a section last time, you likely have around a 70% chance of a successful VBAC. You are of course within your rights to elect for another cesarean but you will not be able to pick the date. Usually electives are scheduled for somewhere in the 39th week.

However what you could do is opt for a VBAC with the caveat that you would have an elective rather than induction. This means that if you laboured before - around 41 weeks (depending on your hospital’s ‘post-dates’ policy) you would have a trial of labour (you could still technically request a cesarean at any point in labour but emergencies would take priority) but if you needed to be induced, you’d skip straight to cesarean.

FeelingLikeAShitMother · 18/05/2023 10:34

lookslikeabombhitit · 18/05/2023 10:32

The midwives and doctors don't get to "let you" do anything. Unless you lack capacity to make a decision regarding your care you get to decide- whether that's an elective section or a v-bac. The job of the midwife and doctors is to provide you with choices and give you the information you need to make the right decision for YOU and baby (you're not just an incubator- you get the say!). It's not their job to tell you what to do and enforce that unless you lack capacity- in which case they would have to seek legal advice/ speak to your guardians etc.

However elective operations are scheduled when they are scheduled.

Hotpinkangel19 · 18/05/2023 10:41

This shouldn't even be an issue - imagine if something happened to your baby because of their birth being delayed to suit a family member?
I hope you're okay.

Fourpeasinapodcast · 18/05/2023 11:18

And I know he’d purposely each year try to ensure the family go to celebrate his kids birthday and try to down play this DC’s birthday

Honestly, this is the reason you want to delay your section?

gamerchick · 18/05/2023 11:21

It's what's best for your baby.

What you need to do is have some harsh words with your husband about having your back with this person. You don't need to see them ever you know.

ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 18/05/2023 11:26

Two thoughts on this:

Even when there is a medical reason to need a planned c section at a stage in the pregnancy often the staff can't make it happen due to capacity issues in the elective theatre. There was sound medical need for my baby to be delivered at 38 weeks but the hospital couldn't make it happen when it came to it as it was a busy week for the elective theatre.

Second thought is WTF would you prioritise anything over the safe delivery of your baby? This is mind-boggling. If your BIL is that bad, stop having anything to do with him. Don't let yourself be controlled by someone who is going to behave appallingly regardless of your actions by the sounds of it.

Shrewsdoodle · 18/05/2023 11:27

I have a section booked in at 41 + 2 if I don't go into labour before, having had an EMCS with my first (aiming for a VBAC). Midwives and consultants all fine with it and signed it off. Ask your midwife/ consultant and see what your options are (bearing in mind if you go into labour before your planned section date, all that goes out the window).

TheShellBeach · 18/05/2023 11:28

I'm a midwife, OP.
What was the reason for your section last time?
If you laboured, how far on were you ( cm dilated ) when the section happened?

TheShellBeach · 18/05/2023 11:30

And OP - consider this: if you were just waiting for spontaneous labour, you would have no say in when it happened.

Maybe you need to think about ignoring your BIL.

AlligatorPsychopath · 18/05/2023 11:33

It's a little strange that you seem to think that you have no choice over whether you have a section or VBAC but you think that the hospital might schedule an elective section around your BIL's birthday at your request...

Setting that aside, no. There is absolutely no way a medical professional will schedule an elective surgery around, I'm sorry, petty family drama. The scheduling constraints will be one, welfare of the baby, and two, availablity of staff and theatre.

philautia · 18/05/2023 11:36

I would never put someone else ahead of my child. I get requesting a different week or date because you'd rather the baby was in utero a bit longer but the reason for you wanting this is to please someone else.

Your relationship with everyone in the family, especially your fiancé, can't be that great if everyone allows him to keep being horrible to you. My partner would never stand for me being treated like this and would sort him out or cut him off.

Also, you don't have to have a c section - you could try for a VBAC. The likelihood is the longer you leave it, you're more likely to go into labour naturally anyway.

mrsblueskyeye · 18/05/2023 11:36

I had an elective caesarean booked and my little bugger DS came 4 weeks early!

HairsprayBabe · 18/05/2023 11:41

Your body your choice you can 100% say you want to wait to 41 weeks to schedule your section. If they don't like it its not really up to them.
I would check the AIMS guide for a scheduled C-section so you can get exactly what you want.

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 18/05/2023 11:43

I’ve told him to leave it now as we want to keep peace and not upset the family

That's your issue right there. Letting him get away with it

Wereeaglesdare · 18/05/2023 11:45

They will book you in usually and tell you when there is space I got offered two dates and naturally picked the sooner one. Depends on your hospital and how busy they are. Sometimes they are flexible.