Would midwives let me do this?

[Ashleeeeeeeey]

Okay please don’t judge! Or critique I’ll explain now

I’m pregnant with DC2, so excited. I got my due date and I would go in at 39 - 40 weeks for an elective c section (due to my last being c section, I have heard this is more likely than VBAC)

However , the week it would be is challenging. I’m nervous because my fiancés brothers child has their birthday that week. And he despises me (the brother) and would openly make this an issue and I feel so nervous the thought of it happening he’ll be so rude and I just want to avoid it

And I know he’d purposely each year try to ensure the family go to celebrate his kids birthday and try to down play this DC’s birthday. He literally cannot stand me and was not 1% happy for us when we had our son. Didn’t even say congratulations

would a midwife let me go to my due date week or the week after? Which would take us to the 1st/2nd of the next month and I’d rather that as it’s a diff month and my fiancé s brorher can’t be weird about it

Sorry this seems so stupid and irrational. He makes me feel so uncomfortable

My scheduled C-section was on my due date as they were so busy and I also didn't want to spend my birthday having an operation so can't see it being an issue. We had an option of a few dates to choose from

So you think not clashing with your fiancées brothers child is more important than having an ELCS at the best possible time for your health and your baby's health?

You need to have a long HARD think about that.

There is no guarantee that this child will be in your life forever and tbh if this is such a big deal, then there's a question mark about your own relationship with your partner and just how much he is protecting you from this shit / standing up to his own family. If he's not, you've got a pile of other issues.

Honestly, it shouldnt be about what the midwives will or will not let you do in terms of timing. They shouldn't be considering stuff like this as their concern is your welfare and that of your baby.

There is a certain amount of flexibility however too early or too late carry risks. And your baby may not play ball and decide to turn up when you don't want it to anyway.

Do you really want to go into labour and have an EMCS when you could have had an ELCS?

This isn't 'tricky'. This is you being ridiculous.

You can not let someone dictate your life plans to this degree. If it's not the BIL it's likely to be something or someone else. This is unhealthy thinking to be on this level of eggs shells.

Adjust your life in other ways. Don't adjust when you give birth. Giving birth is the riskiest thing most women do in their lifetimes. Don't add to it to pander to someone elses ego.

It’s quite common to try for a VBAC but not induce if you go over, so to book the ELCS for 41 weeks. So all being well with you and baby I don’t think you’d get any push back to that as a booking date. Of course you then risk going into labour early, you don’t actually want a VBAC and your reasons for risking this are frankly ridiculous.

I wouldn't give a shit what BIL thought or might say.

The health of you and your baby are the absolute priority so for me the C-section would come first. If BBIL kicked off over that then so be it. I'd just ignore him and cut him off as much as I possibly could.

most hospitals go for 2 weeks before due date so more likely to be earlier than later. My friend had an august baby and was desperate for the baby to be born in sept for the school year. They said you either have the elective c section 2 weeks before due date or you opt for vaginal birth and leave nature to decide.
they also only did electives on tues and thurs at our hospital too. This is UK though.

This makes me so sad. When I was pregnant, the stress caused to me by a relative was such that my GP told me to cut off contact with them until (at least) after the birth, in the medical interests of me and the baby. So glad I did. After years of putting up with manipulative, divisive and aggressive bullshit from this relative (which also impacted my child after the birth when I was naive enough to thing things would change so resumed contact) I finally went NC. Looking back, my only regret is that I prioritized "keeping the peace" for so long. People like this do not change. Please do not compromise the well-being (mental or physical) of yourself or your child for the sake of this person under any circumstances.

Also if you book in for scheduled section at 41 weeks but go into labour before they will just take you in for a planned unscheduled section not an emergency one.
My friend has done this with all of her sections and it isn't a totally unusual request.

I am having an elective section and 39 weeks would be my birthday.
the discussions we had around the dates (still not confirmed) were due to the size of my first born and my anxiety about baby 2 also being big and arriving early and fast (like firstborn). They said they’d be willing to do it a few days prior to 39 weeks because of this, but that we would need to understand risks to baby but that my mental health is also important.

my first was an emergency CS after failed induction (induced originally due to fetal distress) With my 2nd I said I didn’t want any form of induction but happy to try for a VBAC if baby came on it’s own. My Elective section was booked for 40+12 when they would normally induce you. That’s when baby came

This would be my thought too, I have to admit. The only people you should have influencing your decision about when your baby is born and how are medical professionals.

I would be surprised if they booked that for you! It would be booked by the consultant and you would have to give reasons for not doing it at the standard time and I just don’t think that reason would fly with them.
I was told week 38 or 39 for a second birth via section so I don’t think they will book you for DD or 41. You would likely go into labour before and the whole thing would be more stressful.
Don’t let your feelings for BIL have anything to do with this.

Can you not see how ridiculous your thinking is op?
I had a dd new year's eve. Maybe I should have held her in so she doesn't ruin nye by insisting she celebrates her birthday..

Huh? This is a weird question, OP. Your baby will be born either when the doctors judge it is the best time to do an elective C-section, or when they come in their own time. Your BIL will just have to build a bridge and get over it.

Do you have a reason for not wanting to try for a VBAC, other than thinking your chances of success are reduced?

If you really want an elective C-section then they'll probably recommend doing it before your due date to reduce the chances of you going into labour spontaneously. This would usually be around 39 weeks. If there's no medical need for the baby to be born then they'll let you go up to 3 weeks longer but you'll be warned that you could go into labour at any time. If you do go into labour then they can still do a C-section as long as it isn't a very precipitous labour. They'd just anaesthetise you as soon as you get to hospital and perform the C-section ASAP. But if there isn't a doctor/operating theatre available you might be lower priority than women who need a genuinely emergency C-section and so, again, you could end up giving birth vaginally.

I had a successful VBAC a few months ago and am happy to tell you about it if you're actually considering that option. Just because you had a C-section the first time doesn't mean that's the only way you can give birth now. And personally I was very glad not to have had another C-section because my recovery was much easier and I was able to pick up and cuddle my two year old. I think this made him adjust much better to having a new sibling.

I would try to put your twatty BIL as far out of your mind as humanly possible and focus on what is right for you and your baby.

Is your midwife nice? Supportive? Easy to talk to?

In terms of baby's health and development there's no reason not to wait longer - assuming that doesn't change by then.
I suspect most elective Cs are booked sooner to avoid the rush of having to manage it in an unplanned way if you go into labour before the planned date.

There's no harm in trying to wait longer though. Just need your midwife to be agreeable.

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