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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Going to work whilst misscarrying advice please

34 replies

Oddoneouta · 12/05/2023 07:05

First week of my new job and been bleeding all week but heavier yesterday and today with cramping. Confirmed misscarriage last week.

Im hoping I can get through today with the bleeding and cramping. If I can’t I’m abit worried about what I will say to my manager.
I don’t really want to mention misscarriage.

advice please ladies.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Oneglassisnotenough · 12/05/2023 07:10

I am so sorry for your loss but I really think you need to be at home whilst going through this op.
Both for your physical health and your mental well being. If the cramps get worse or you have any other issues, please do call your Doctor.

I know it’s a new job but this was out of your control. Please do tell your manager what is going on so that you can rest at home today.

So sorry for you and big unmumsnetty hugs x

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 12/05/2023 07:14

How far along were you? I miscarried at 13 weeks, and for the main 2-3 days there was no way I could have been out in public, due to the occasional really large clots.

So sorry you're going through this.

Passerillage · 12/05/2023 07:15

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I understand not wanting to draw attention to yourself in your first week, particularly if it implies you didn’t tell them you were pregnant.

How far along were you? If 3 months or more you may struggle to do this alone. A strategic bout of noro could get you 48 hours at home. If it’s super early, I would play it by ear. I lost a very early pregnancy and it was fine - just a heavy period.

I hope you’re okay.

allgoodthings84 · 12/05/2023 07:15

I worked through both of my miscarriages as I didn’t want to tell work and it was horrible. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If you can stay home I definitely would as it definitely didn’t help me in any way.

Original poster

Oddoneouta · 12/05/2023 07:17

I’m 7 weeks so still very early. If I can get through today I can rest all weekend. Just hoping the pain doesn’t amp up too much.

OP posts:

Skyeheather · 12/05/2023 07:31

When I was having my miscarriage the Doctor gave me a sick note - it's not just the physical part you need to cope with it's the emotional part too, I was devastated.

Could you call your GP surgery and ask if they can sign you off?

Passerillage · 12/05/2023 08:39

I think you will be okay. My miscarriage was around then and it was fine, honestly. I was waiting for something more... dramatic? But it was just a heavy-ish period and period cramps - just make sure you have plenty of pads and paracetamol. Look after yourself this weekend.

allgoodthings84 · 12/05/2023 12:55

I think the worst thing at that stage is the emotional side so look after yourself this weekend.

CMG92 · 12/05/2023 12:55

so sorry for your loss, when I had a miscarriage the hospital gave me a note saying gynae problem 1st so maybe you could ask for that? That could mean a range of things. Look after yourself x

TokyoSushi · 12/05/2023 12:57

I worked through a 7 week miscarriage, in hindsight, it absolutely wasn't the right thing to do both for my physical and mental health. I hope that you're ok OP, even though it's early it's still just awful.

Whatiswithallthisracket · 12/05/2023 13:13

I worked through one too, I also didn't want to mention it to anyone. I don't know why. I can understand you not wanting to say anything in a new job though.
Are you near to a toilet and can get to it discreetly and quickly? Make sure you have plenty of breaks and water and painkillers. And see if you can leave a little earlier.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Original poster

Oddoneouta · 12/05/2023 13:30

Thanks everyone, bleeding has ramped up quite a lot so going to the toilet every hour so paranoid about leaking on my chair. Codeine seems to be doing the trick too.

OP posts:

heldinadream · 12/05/2023 13:34

Oddoneouta · 12/05/2023 13:30

Thanks everyone, bleeding has ramped up quite a lot so going to the toilet every hour so paranoid about leaking on my chair. Codeine seems to be doing the trick too.

Oh OP, that sounds really hard, can you plead an illness and go home early, it is Friday afternoon...?
I hope you get plenty of rest over the weekend and it's all over quickly and you feel better. 💐

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 12/05/2023 13:37

Oh OP, that sounds awful. If you're constantly in the loo can you tell them you've got a stomach bug and need to go home? You shouldn't have to lie but I totally understand why you don't want them to know.

TheShellBeach · 12/05/2023 13:39

Oddoneouta · 12/05/2023 13:30

Thanks everyone, bleeding has ramped up quite a lot so going to the toilet every hour so paranoid about leaking on my chair. Codeine seems to be doing the trick too.

I think you're being unrealistic, OP.
You need to ask to go home. It's possible that you'll faint from pain and blood loss.
And that's before you factor in the emotional side and grieving for your baby.

Belami · 12/05/2023 13:54

I miscarried at 9 weeks but baby only got to 6.5 and I have honestly never seen so much blood even that early on.

I was having really strong pains on and off for two days so there's no way in hell I could gave gone out of the house, never mind working.

Plus I was an absolute mess emotionally.

Bless you please go home and rest, look after yourself. No one should have to pretend to be okay going through that. xx

TTCxox · 12/05/2023 13:56

@Oddoneouta this really makes me sad that you’re going through this and not privately in your own home. Please go home, your doctor can write you a sick note to be off work for at least 1 week. I hope you’ll be ok

Bunnichick · 12/05/2023 14:08

I had a MC at around 6 weeks and went out to a show as I'd planned it with a friend and don't want to cancel. Was just like a heavy period.

Hope you are ok

Shrewsdoodle · 12/05/2023 14:11

I miscarried at work (on site, hours from home and drove home having contractions at the end of the site visit). I'd definitely recommend being at home if you can. The first few hours were bloody and painful but bearable with breathing through it, but at the end it ramped up and had a final "flush" where I had to work out whether I was going to be sick, evacuate my bowels or pass out first... Fortunately I'd managed to get myself home by that point, 100% do not recommend having a miscarriage away from home if its avoidable. I know it's hard with a new job, but it's one afternoon and you'll be glad to be home.

kitsuneghost · 12/05/2023 14:12

I think call your new employer
Tell them what has happened if you are comfortable to (depends if they knew you were pregnant when they hired you)
Or just simply tell them you are unwell and need to delay your start date

Any decent employer would be fine with you starting later if you need to.

TheShellBeach · 12/05/2023 14:15

kitsuneghost · 12/05/2023 14:12

Any decent employer would be fine with you starting later if you need to.

She's actually at work at the moment.

kitsuneghost · 12/05/2023 14:18

TheShellBeach · 12/05/2023 14:15

She's actually at work at the moment.

Show quote history

Sorry I thought she was just starting

OP: I would just tell them you are unwell and need to go home. There is no need to push through just because the job is new

Whiteroomjoy · 12/05/2023 14:19

Do you have an HR dept? If so, instant message or call from a private room and say it’s confidential. Tell them what’s happening and that you must go home due to excessive bleeding. Seriously they won’t want you there risking a bigger emergency . Ask them to tell your boss they’ve okd you to go home but not the reasons
I can understand you don’t want them to know you are potentially trying for a child - it’s a horrific situation, but I understand as newbee you don’t want to disclose that .

Whiteroomjoy · 12/05/2023 14:20

Make sure you are well enough to drive too. Ideally leave your car today and get someone to pick you up and collect car later

Likethestarsabove547 · 12/05/2023 14:23

I would maybe tell your manager you have a kidney infection, will explain going to the toilet and why you might look in pain.
Normally I would say stay at home or go home but with it being a new job I understand why you don't want to say anything.
Agree with the advice of trying to get a lift him though and defo please rest over the weekend

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