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Gender disappointment

39 replies

ConfusedMumma87 · 04/05/2023 16:09

I just found out my third is a boy. I have a boy and a girl. I'm suffering from quite a bit of gender disappointment as I wanted a sister for my daughter as they'd be the youngest together. I actually only really tried for a third to have a sister. I realise how stupid that sounds but I used a method before to get
My daughter so thought it would work again. So I just wanted to hear from people who have this dynamic and how the kids get on? Does the oldest boy interact with the youngest boy? Are they close? How does the girl fare? Does the girls wish she had a sister? Thank you x

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Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:09

You miss a rather important point…. Ages?!

DucksNewburyport · 04/05/2023 16:12

I have boy, girl, boy OP. It's great and I would really recommend!! I think that having the same sex children split up by age is a good thing because it stops them getting too competitive with each other (IMO this is most common with two siblings close in age and of the same sex). They get on well but they all have their own friends, interests etc despite being close in age. And DD loves being the only girl!

Original poster
ConfusedMumma87 · 04/05/2023 16:13

Hi sorry. My eldest will be nearly 5 and my youngest nearly 3 x

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedMumma87 · 04/05/2023 16:14

Thank you this is exactly the sort of thing I need to hear! Thank you!! The boys will be 5 years apart (4 years and 10
months). Girl will be 2 years and 10 months x

OP posts:
hairdresserbreakup · 04/05/2023 16:17

Sigh.... Anyway, my DH is the eldest of three siblings - 2 boys, one girl, with quite a big gap between him and his next sibling (brother). His sister is very close to both her brothers.

Don't worry about it and don't place such a huge emphasis on the sex of your children. Try to stop thinking that that a child's sex means they will behave a certain way, like certain things, only be able to be friends or get on with other children of the same sex etc. It's simply not true.

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 04/05/2023 16:18

I think it’s a nice dynamic. I know a lot of people I who experience middle child syndrome, but interesting, only when the oldest two/youngest two are the same sex. In your situation, everyone has their own ‘role’ iykwim? Oldest son, only daughter, youngest son. It’s only my experience of course, but interestingly.

(oh and as an aside, there’s no guarantee that two younger girls would be best friends anyway. I know plenty of women who don’t get on with their sisters at all 😊 myself included!)

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 04/05/2023 16:19

Sorry for typos, my phone hates Mumsnet 😂

Original poster
ConfusedMumma87 · 04/05/2023 16:21

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 04/05/2023 16:18

I think it’s a nice dynamic. I know a lot of people I who experience middle child syndrome, but interesting, only when the oldest two/youngest two are the same sex. In your situation, everyone has their own ‘role’ iykwim? Oldest son, only daughter, youngest son. It’s only my experience of course, but interestingly.

(oh and as an aside, there’s no guarantee that two younger girls would be best friends anyway. I know plenty of women who don’t get on with their sisters at all 😊 myself included!)

Yes that's what I've been telling myself about the sisters thing and also the whole middle child. It's just so hard for me I think because I lost my mum when my eldest was 6 months old and I just seek out female relationships but yes anyway trying to find things to start to process it and move on to be happy about it so thank you x

OP posts:
Salamander91 · 04/05/2023 18:54

I have boy, girl, boy and they all play together. There's only 3 years between them though (6,7 and 9) so I think that helps. Dd is desperate for a sister though 😂

My siblings are girl,boy then me and I've always been closer with my brother so I don't think sex really matters.

Original poster
ConfusedMumma87 · 04/05/2023 19:16

Salamander91 · 04/05/2023 18:54

I have boy, girl, boy and they all play together. There's only 3 years between them though (6,7 and 9) so I think that helps. Dd is desperate for a sister though 😂

My siblings are girl,boy then me and I've always been closer with my brother so I don't think sex really matters.

Hey so my age gap will be 2 and 3 years so 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 and thanks for sharing your personal situation. It doesn't help I'm one of 4 I'm the eldest and it went girl girl boy boy and the one I'm least close to is no3 little less to no4 but the reality is in closest to my sister. Thanks for replying. I know it may seem silly but it's really rocked me so thanks xxx

OP posts:
CallieQ · 04/05/2023 19:19

ConfusedMumma87 · 04/05/2023 16:09

I just found out my third is a boy. I have a boy and a girl. I'm suffering from quite a bit of gender disappointment as I wanted a sister for my daughter as they'd be the youngest together. I actually only really tried for a third to have a sister. I realise how stupid that sounds but I used a method before to get
My daughter so thought it would work again. So I just wanted to hear from people who have this dynamic and how the kids get on? Does the oldest boy interact with the youngest boy? Are they close? How does the girl fare? Does the girls wish she had a sister? Thank you x

I don't think you should be disappointed with a 3rd healthy baby
Not to mention you already have one of each 🙄

cptartapp · 04/05/2023 19:22

Surely a same sex sibling would be important to your son as is would be to your daughter?!

Coffeeandbourbons · 04/05/2023 19:25

cptartapp · 04/05/2023 19:22

Surely a same sex sibling would be important to your son as is would be to your daughter?!

I do somewhat understand OP. Sisters seem to be more emotionally beneficial to each other than brothers, and if there’s a single boy his sisters often mother him a bit (was the case in my family anyway). That’s probably a population wide tendency though, many families are different and don’t follow typical patterns. But when all you have is hypotheticals you assume you’ll fit the ‘normal’ pattern.

OP, I felt a bit this way when I found out DC2 was a boy. I’m very happy to have a son, but felt disappointment for DD that she wouldn’t have a sister as I’m close to mine. But it is what it is, she may well be close to DS growing up, otherwise she has me and female cousins. Try not to overthink it.

Hazelnuttella · 04/05/2023 19:26

I’m a middle girl child.

Never got on well with my older brother as a child, we’re okay now as adults. I adored my little brother and still do. My brothers get on well with each other.

I really think it’s more down to personalities than sex to be honest, and you can’t predict those.

Original poster
ConfusedMumma87 · 04/05/2023 19:27

Hazelnuttella · 04/05/2023 19:26

I’m a middle girl child.

Never got on well with my older brother as a child, we’re okay now as adults. I adored my little brother and still do. My brothers get on well with each other.

I really think it’s more down to personalities than sex to be honest, and you can’t predict those.

Thank you appreciate the reply! Really helping me to process everything x

OP posts:
BlackPhillipsCheese · 04/05/2023 19:28

I know several pairs of sisters who actively dislike each other. My DM and her 2 sisters all don't get on.

Whereas DH and SIL are great friends, and I know a few M/F siblings that are really close.

Wallabyone · 04/05/2023 19:32

I have B G B with a 6 and 4 year gap. I had a slight preference for a boy third as I thought it would unsettle my daughter less, and it has been lovely. The boys get on brilliantly (very similar personality types at age 4 and 10) and my youngest gets on well with his sister, and loves the games she leads. It really is down to personality. I have a sister with a bigger gap (7 years) and we are close...sometimes I think it would have been nice for my daughter to have a sister, but they may have clashed!
Good luck with your pregnancy xxx

Marylou62 · 04/05/2023 19:46

Can I give you a perspective from someone who has adult children.. My DC are 33 30 and 26..b,g,b... they are so close..the boys (7 yr gap) play cricket together and were even chefs on the same ship in the navy! My DD loves being the only girl..a Daddy's girl and we have a wonderful relationship... I really really wanted another girl and had a millionth of a second disappointment at his birth...
But I can honestly say that they are so close and spend a lot of time together...
I hope looking into the future will help with your feelings.. I wanted my DD to have a sister as I never got one...4 brothers!

Marylou62 · 04/05/2023 19:47

Oh.. and both boys tend to go to their sister with any worries...

Soproudoflionesses · 04/05/2023 19:52

I would love that family configuration op. No middle child syndrome for dd as she is the only girl and 2 boys that will bring great energy to the mix

JumbledE · 04/05/2023 19:58

Just to add that once the baby arrives and you get to meet them, I’m sure you won’t feel the disappointment you’re feeling now.

Also, I have a 4 year 10 month gap between myself and my younger brother and out of my 4 siblings we are by far the closest as adults and got on very well as kids! I was also the only girl and loved it 😆😊

Holly60 · 04/05/2023 20:01

Oh my goodness OP this would have been my dream combination!

I only had two - one of each but if I'd have had another I would definitely have wanted another little boy.

Didn't want sisters as I see so many either strained or really intense sister relationships. My friends with sisters always had to worry about upsetting their sisters whereas the relationship I had/have with my brother is so relaxed in comparison. I have plenty of girl friends and they are amazing and so valued, but I adore having a brother who I know will always just be there and not expect the world of me. If he thinks I'm being silly he just laughs at me and tells me to get over myself ❤️.

Congrats OP- so lovely

Lwrenagain · 04/05/2023 20:03

I wonder with gender disappointment often if it's more outside factors, such as other people saying things like, "Oh bet you wanted a girl/boy" if you've more of one sex than the other.

It seems to be quite recently people discuss gender disappointment, maybe because it's not as taboo anymore? But I don't know if mums now feel pressured more to provide a balance of boys/girls.

Your son will be an amazing addition ❤ 💙

LeaveItJim · 04/05/2023 20:04

I used a method before to get
My daughter so thought it would work again.

😬

Holly60 · 04/05/2023 20:04

As in, I didn't want a sister for my daughter. I wanted her to be the only girl like I was, and I wanted her to have a really close relationship with me as she grew, like I did with my mum. I felt like her having a sister would get in the way of that (know it sounds silly now but it's how I felt)

I adore my son and am so close to him too - would have had a million of him!