Drugs and alcohol before I knew I was pregnant

[Kakaka1]

Iv just found out I'm 12 weeks pregnant and have been drinking... not vast amounts but 5 to 6 units 5 times a week. I have also been using cocaine during this time. I am so scared and I don't know if my baby is going to be okay. And I don't know what to do. I have not done cocaine or drank since I found out but I am worried of the damage I could have already caused. I'm so scared and don't know what to do.

But people can only advise you accurately if the story makes sense.

Your drink use was higher than average, if your drug use matches this that suggests dependency and you may need some help to stay sober for the rest of the pregnancy.

Even if you’re not dependent if you were using drugs as often as you were drinking there’s a chance something could be wrong. I don’t want to scare you, just give you the facts.

It’s really important to be honest with your midwife and being honest about drug use is easier to do if you don’t already have children at home and they are less likely to call social services, I’ve just been where you are and I know how scary your worries are.

But overall if all you want to know is can this amount of alcohol and drugs affect your child, then yes it can. I truly wish you the best in your pregnancy, but please, be honest with your medical team if you can.

Jesus. Have you seen a crack and heroin affected child? I have, they were not fine. I know you’re trying to be kind but not being honest to MW is not helpful advice.

If something goes wrong OP will be under a microscope for a long time and her lying about her drug use will not go in her favour.

You can't go back and change what has happened in the past, I would be honest with your midwife, follow the medical advice and focus on what you can do now to keep yourself and your baby healthy.

Worrying and stress will not help you i'm sure many others have been in the same position - best of luck hope it goes well for you

Never did i say the babies where fine if the mothers were doing crack and herion and i know of one baby i have met and no she wasnt fine when she was born. I was just trying to say it could be worse Ultimately its up the the OP what she does

Mumsnet isn't the best place for this tbh. Very anti cocaine and most people will have you pegged as a cocaine addict and alcoholic by now. My guess is that you were on it with friends one weekend and took cocaine? Was it only once?

I wouldn't tell the midwife. Honestly try not to worry too much. The baby will be absolutely fine. And obviously you won't do it again so all good.

You can't change the past but you can change as you go forward. Feeling guilty isn't going to help you or the baby but you can now focus on making positive choices with your health, diet, exercise etc. also be honest with your midwife as they can offer you support and possibly extra scans to check on baby.

They will probably refer you to the safe guiding midwife which sounds scarier then it is - they are all their to support you not make judgements on your life style pre pregnancy.

Hope everything goes well with your pregnancy.

You definitely implied it.

Agree MN not the right place for any advice or hand holding on this issue.

I absolutely wouldn't tell the MW about the coke use (which I'm guessing wasn't massively heavy) but the alcohol...5-6 units nearly every day is quite a lot - and I'm of the view that its fine to have a gin/wine every now and then when pregnant. But I don't see what telling the MW will achieve, it won't change anything and they can't do anything about it now.

In all liklihood baby will be fine. I've been amazed at how perfectly fine most of the children are where I live, which is a shithole sink estate and 8/10 mothers would have drunk/smoked/done various drugs etc. throughout their pregnancies.

How is saying people do crack and herion untill they give birth implying it? I ment she could of done alot worse. Saying something to the midwife is pointles if shes not addicted and has stopped. Thats my opinion her baby will be fine had it been just alcohol that's just as bad half of you wouldnt even be trying to scare how you are! insisting she tells the midwife who will probably refer her to social services for something she dont even do now causing her unnecessary stress during her pregnancy.

@Loki97 are you being deliberately dense? Go back and read your post “your baby will be fine lots of people do crack and heroin up until they give birth” is absolutely implying that there’s a complete minimal risk to baby even with continued drug use through pregnancy.. when that is not the case at all.

Have you ever seen a baby who has drug withdrawal shortly after birth? It can be fatal to them, is painful and incredibly distressing.

Stop trying to backpedal on what you’ve already said and just admit you’re wrong and correct yourself like an adult.

Isn't that what i was doing by saying what i actually ment rather than what it sounds like from what i wrote. But that being said i dont care enough to try convince some stranger i dont even know.

your baby will be fine loads of people party and do drugs like crack and heroin up untill they give birth

In what world is this not implying that a baby exposed to crack and heroin will be fine.

I’ve used pregnant (I’m an addict and used a similar amount to OP at the beginning of my pregnancy by the sounds of things) I’ve seen many women have children after using pregnant - they are not fine.

You have no idea if she could have done a lot worse because you have no idea how much she has done therefore your opinion is totally irrelevant.

You were drugs tested in front of people you’ll never see again, so what? Get over it. Your resentment is leading you to give shit advice to OP to not get on top of this now.

But you cared enough to try and falsify an opinion to a stranger in a vulnerable position?

No i dont care actually because if she can read she can see what i actually ment. Nowhere on this post has she said shes a drug addict though? I can see how it looks and would of sounded better if i actually wrote it how i wanted it to sound. But thats how it is when you put things on the internet so i am not bothered by what you think when i have clearly said thats not what i ment by it. So as much as you all tell me it was is irrelevant to me. Its not fine for women to knowingly do drugs while pregnant absolutely selfish but this women hasn't said once she has done so.if she needs support to stop by all means contact the midwife. But just because you were a addict and knowingly took drugs whilst pregnant with your kid dont mean this women will do the same thing you did.

No, but neither does it mean that she should lie about her consumption either. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Wow, some of the judgment on here.. I guess it's not surprising that most reluctant women are to be honest about drug and alcohol use at any point in their lives, particularly when pregnant, despite if they didn't know. People come on here and judge you as if they have lived lives without any shame and regret, picking apart your post like they know you. At least OP stopped once she found out and is trying to get help. Why jump to the assumption that she is lying? It's stupid..

@Kakaka1 , nobody knows if your baby will be affected or not, nor will any consultant or midwife. And, like most things in pregnancy, you'll have to weigh the risks and decide for yourself what steps you take from here on out.

Don't let anyone tell you to terminate based on their own experience, and likewise don't let anyone tell you to lie about your consumption. Educate yourself and make decisions based on what feels right for you and the baby. You can't change the past. It's about moving forward now.

We all make mistakes, try and get help from a less judgmental environment (dedicated support groups and nonprofits, a professional with experience in this area, NOT mumsnet) to help you get through the pregnancy, should you decide to continue it, as it will likely continue to affect you even more further down the line. You'll need extra support.

Be honest with yourself and your medical team. They might recommend things like additional scans, a healthy diet and exercise routine, an amnio in your 20th week, and other things to make you more informed and to increase the chance of a good outcome. Best of luck. x

@lexicodes I am in no position to judge and I absolutely am not judging. The timings just didn’t make sense and still don’t. I am concerned for her because of that, that is all.

Judgement and safety are two different things. It’s important OP gets the help she needs and she can only do that by being honest.

My point was other PPs unhelpfully telling her or implying ‘it’s probably ok’ is a false sense of security. If she doesn’t have a problem she has absolutely nothing to hide so why shouldn’t she be honest with the health professionals about exactly what and how much she’s taken to get their best advice.

Ask any doctor if this is what they would reccomend! No kids would be born if people were having abortions because they drank and did drugs before they knew they were pregnant!

WTAF?!

Also, just because someone drinks, or does drugs, it doesnt mean they have a problem. OP has stopped drinking and doing drugs, and wont drin or do drugs while pregnant. Shes fine. You, Im not sure sure about...

Just saw this now.

OP I don't know what the level of risk is. I hope whatever happened it was OK. I can only imagine how stessful this must be. If you kept the baby I hope it's well and you are able to stay off drugs in future.

I shouldn’t worry. All the Coke heads I know who did it pregnant seem to breed healthy babies. Might be wise to stop though.

Read Expecting Better my Emily Oster - basically until about 10 weeks the impact of drink or drugs will be binary i.e. small chance it could cause a miscarriage but as the placenta doesn't take over it won't case FAS or otherwise harm the baby. I wouldn't worry as you've now stopped.

As someone who used to be A class A drug addict and now a parent cocaine can be very habbit forming,I'm sure baby will be fine but please remember the drugs need to go out the window now seek help if you find yourself struggling with this

hello OP as a previous poster said , the placenta hasn’t taken over yet so the risk is far less in first 10 weeks than it is later. Maybe read into this to reassure yourself?
please try not to worry, I feel mumsnet is the worst place to ask about it as you’ll get tons of judgment and that’s not helpful given you can’t turn back the clock

@Kakaka1 how are you? How did the scans go? Hope you and bump are doing well.

How are you? We'd love an update.