How to cope with being overdue

[Springbaby2023]

Has anyone got any tips with how to mentally cope with being overdue?

I’m 40+2 with DC2 and I have honestly never been more miserable in my life (I know this is probably mainly due to hormones).

I was stupidly expecting him early so I finished work at 36 weeks and I’ve done everything I can think of. Huge freezer full of food. House is as clean as can be with a toddler, in fact I’m having to go round cleaning it all again because it’s been so long now since I’ve done some of those nesting jobs. Baby’s clothes organised.

I made a list of things I wanted to do with my toddler before baby was here and have done them all.

I’ve read upwards of 15 books since going on mat leave and had probably twice as many baths. I’ve been walking a lot, swimming, cooking nice food etc. Any tips I’ve seen have said about booking a massage, going for lunch etc but we just don’t have any money spare to do things like that. My partner has been great at giving me massages and we’ve done lots of nice dinners in but every evening is just deja vu at the moment.

I literally have nothing left to do, I feel like I’m spending all day and night just clock watching and it is killing me. I am awake for most of the night which isn’t helping as I then feel so tired and grumpy in the day. I nap when I can.

I’ve honestly never felt so miserable in my whole life. I’m so annoyed with myself for finishing work early and now stressing at how little time I’ll have with the baby before I have to go back to work. I am also worried that I will resent the baby for the way I’m feeling now or that this is the start of post natal depression. I’m scared the baby is going to be huge and that I will love them less because of this - massively irrational I know but can’t help but compare them to my first. Didn’t help that my weekly pregnancy update said baby would probably be quite alert and with a lot of hair because of being late and it has made me feel like I’m almost skipping the newborn phase - I know, I KNOW how irrational this makes me sound.

I wish I had rang the midwife on Friday to let her know how low I was feeling as now it’s bank holiday weekend and I can’t speak to them until Tuesday (not sure what they’d advise anyway).

I also just keep thinking how can I go into labour naturally when everyone says you need to be feeling relaxed and happy for labour to kick in and I can’t imagine myself feeling happy again. So I’ve resigned myself to probably needing an induction, which I have no issue with, just frustrating it means waiting another couple of weeks.

Sorry for the super long post but I am just at my wits end and don’t know what else to do to cope. Any advice welcome and thanks for reading if you got this far.

You could ask for an induction when you speak to them on Tuesday?

But it's not about you now is it? Your baby should be your first priority and why should anyone else dictate when s/he makes an appearance?

I don't know anyone who delivers on their due date, in my opinion it adds stress and pressure when there is absolutely no need.

The medical profession should give women a month window and not a due date.

Imduction, are you joking?!

Let your baby decide and good luck.

I went to 41+3 with DC1 and 41+2 with DC 2, currently pregnant with DC3 so expecting similar!! It's absolutely rubbish, bet you have so many people hassling you too. I had inductions booked with mine the day I got 40 weeks so I just used to tell myself that there was an end in sight, I would only be pregnant for X more amount of days. I never needed to be induced but it helped me to feel like I wasn't going to be pregnant forever. My DC were big babies but still felt very much like scrunched up newborns! One had lots of hair and and one didn't. It also meant they fed well and started giving me good stretches at night quickly! So I do think there are some benefits to them being overdue. Make some plans if you can, meal out with DP, lunch with a friend. It will all be over soon and you will be cuddling your new baby!

I went to 40+6 and delivered a perfect 8lb boy. Not huge, he was exactly on the 50th percentile. So don't worry too much about that.

It may be different with a toddler but I think I'd just enjoy these last days with a super clean house and only one child because in a month's time you'll have two to cope with and an untidy house.

Be lazy. Plan non-maternity clothes. Think about summer. 🙂

Well, for a start don't worry about being relaxed and happy! I was 8 days late with DC1 and 7 days late with DC2 and I was absolutely fed up (much as you are) but still went into labour naturally and had natural births. Also the bit about having less time with him - it will only be a few days less than if he had been on time.

I know none of that really helps though. You just want him out at this point! Can you try free online yoga or mindfulness sessions to help you reach a point of acceptance (as well as use up a bit more of your spare time)?

Feel for you OP. My last was born at 38 weeks and that felt like a loooong pregnancy because I was so uncomfortable with SPD, back ache and piles.

Your baby absolutely cannot stay in there longer than another 12 days, which I know sounds like forever at the moment but it isn’t - there’s a finish line and you’re nearly there.

Can you book in for a pregnancy massage in a few days’ time? Just so if you’re still pregnant it’ll be a little treat to help physically and mentally. Quite a few places do them so you should be able to find somewhere local.

I would also start a new book (hard as it is to concentrate) just to occupy yourself mentally for a bit. 💐

This is such an insensitive post. It is about her right now the baby isn't here and her mental health matters. Oh and by the way my second child did arrive bang on due date

@GrandIllusion what a pointless post.

I know how you feel because on my first child I went to the maximum time and had to be induced. I finished work early it felt absolutely endless. She was born 6lb 2 but I am petite.

Your baby is obviously very comfortable right now and happy. You will get through this it won't be long until you have a lovely bundle in your arms.
Go for lots of lovely walks when the weather is nice. But speak with your midwife when you can about how you are feeling, trust me they would have heard it before.
Let us know how you get on i can't wait to hear your lovely news!

I really feel you on this one. I went to 42+3 with my first and 42+1 with my second. I understand that sense of "come on already!"

I found this article when I was overdue by a week with my first and it really resonated. Good luck to you!

sophiemessager.com/the-last-days-of-pregnancy-a-time-in-between/

No advice I’m afraid but just sympathy! I’m 41+1 today, zero signs of labour, averaging about two hours sleep at night.

In a weird way I feel better today as I’ve resigned myself to the idea that I’m not going to go into natural labour so I can plan my next steps for early next week now.

I was so overdue with my first - induced at 42 weeks - so I really feel for you. I wish I’d just relaxed about it though. Realistically you know your baby will be here in a couple of weeks max so try to enjoy this last phase of your old life. Good luck!

This happened with my DD2. I remember crying to myself because I was so fed up. It’s a bit woo but I talked to her and told her I had everything ready for her and that we really wanted to meet her - and so if she was ready, please could she come out. I went into labour that evening. In retrospect maybe the crying was a super early labour sign.

I really feel for you OP, it sounds tough. Part of the difficulty I think is being completely out of control as there's almost nothing you can do to bring things along?
Have you tried antenatal expressing? There are some good videos on YouTube. I also found that it sort of primed my nipples so it wasn't so sore in the first few days of trying to breastfeed.
Also if you were feeling really desperate you could probably go to the labour ward on Monday and ask someone to give you a sweep.

Hope you manage to get through the next few days ok, just imagine this time next week you will probably be holding your beautiful baby

Wow is it any wonder women experience so many mental health issues both pre and post baby when there are attitudes like this around! Of course it’s about the baby. A safe delivery and healthy baby is the most important thing to me. But women don’t cease to matter just because they are carrying a baby.

I know it’s unlikely to give birth on my due date, I wasn’t expecting to. But DC1 was early and I’ve been told by three different midwives since 34 weeks to expect this one to be early too, so I wasn’t mentally prepared (rightly or wrongly) for going over.

@Springbaby2023 Pregnancy being 40 weeks is a finger in the air guess by a Victorian era man. On continental Europe they think the standard is 41 weeks and other cultures say anything between 39 and 43, yes 43. So do not worry. Your baby will come when ready, or when you decide you've waited enough. Stop thinking of yourself as "late" for having crossed the guesstimated 40 week mark.

Hope all goes well when the time does come :)

Yoga or mindfulness is a great shout. I was doing Pilates and yoga until 36 weeks, stopped because the term ended and it seemed silly to start a new one at 38 weeks after Easter. But nothing to stop me finding something online! I’m going to do that this afternoon while DC naps.

And yes the latest I’d have finished work would have been two weeks later so I know it won’t change things that much, I’m sure if I really wanted to I could look at adding more leave etc on if I needed to. Also aware that second time around I might be itching to go back to work after a bit anyway 🙈

@SouthwestSis Yes I’m a total planner so the lack of control is definitely a factor here! I have tried but any sort of nipple stimulation gives me bad braxton hicks (which I thought was a good thing to start with, but is now just annoying).

Hi @Springbaby2023 i totally hear you! My baby was overdue too and i tried eeeeverything but no show! In the end i had to have an induction and still nothing then they broke my waters for me.
Keep moving, stay active, i wish i had done more of that! Baby will be here soon! Xx

I think you just need to stop counting the dates and just be mindful of having a safe birth 40 +2weeks isn’t too far on

I do keep telling myself that about feeding! My first DC was tony and he was a cluster feeder and slept terribly, so I keep telling myself maybe a later baby will be a better feed and sleeper. I can only hope but good to hear it was the case for you.

Hopefully I’ll get my induction date on Tuesday and at least then I’ll get a countdown. Midwife didn’t give me one or a sweep at my 40 week appt as she is so convinced he’ll be here naturally soon - mind you she also hadn’t expected me to make 40 weeks which I think then didn’t help me mentally in terms of expecting this one to be early too!

I mean it’s not that simple to just stop counting the days when I’m bored at home with nothing else to do, but thanks.

I went two weeks over with both. With my second it was easier because I just had to remember how shit it was having a newborn and at least I could lie uncomfortably on the sofa on my own when still pregnant.

Thank you! I keep having active days and then lazy days and I definitely feel mentally better on the active days so that is good advice I need to remember.

That’s a lovely idea even if it doesn’t work ☺️