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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I need advice urgently please....

49 replies

ChristmaBaby2023 · 26/04/2023 19:11

I am pregnant by a married man who has children. I told him today and he was devastated. He has begged me to have an abortion. He said he can't see any way about apart from killing himself if I go through with it. I don't think I could survive an abortion, I don't want one but I also don't know if I could live knowing something happened to him and his family because of me. I feel absolutely distraught and I have no idea what to do. I have nobody to talk to, I can't even get an appointment with my doctor. I really don't want anyone calling him names etc...he's devastated and I'm not making excuses for him, because I can see he feels absolute despair and I am genuinely concerned for him. I have zero hope that he will feel any differently. Can anyone advise me?

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 26/04/2023 19:15

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LauderSyme · 26/04/2023 19:18

If you want to keep your baby then that's what you must do. He is highly unlikely to kill himself, he's trying to manipulate you using what he thinks is the absolute nuclear option. Also, he is not devastated, he is terrified.

infinityminusone · 26/04/2023 19:22

Please do what's right for you. As the previous poster said, he's just trying to manipulate you into the outcome he wants. Take care and look after yourself.

PickledScrump · 26/04/2023 19:27

As above. He’s not going to kill him self, it’s a common tactic said by manipulators. Yes you’ve both been silly but now you need to think about yourself and this pregnancy. If you want to keep it then do. You’ll have to be ok that this man will likely not be in its life, but from the sounds of him, it’s probably better that way. Do what is right for you, don’t let him manipulate you

VioletCharlotte · 26/04/2023 19:27

I think you need to decide what you want. If you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, you'll be going it alone, which is absolutely fine if you're happy with that. He clearly has no intention of leaving his wife to be with you, so there's no point in hoping he will. As others have said, he's just trying to push you into an abortion, he's not going to kill himself.

Whatever you decide, you should end the relationship, he's clearly a waste of space.

Wishona · 26/04/2023 19:28

He’s highly unlikely to kill himself. He won’t leave his kids!
He is probably worried about maintenance payments and his family finding out. That’s tough.
If he threatens this, tell him you’ll call the police to do a welfare check.

This decision now needs to be solely yours. If you keep the baby you have your own family to think of. I’d forget any kind of relationship with him and prepare yourself for the fact that he will play dirty.

GameOfBumps · 26/04/2023 19:29

Very common emotional blackmail tactic. He won't kill himself. He's shitting himself because he got his side piece pregnant and his wife might find out. He is devastated for himself and his own selfish reasons without giving a shit about what he's asking you to do.

Keep the baby if you want it and are prepared to raise it alone. 100% your choice. Block him either way. He'll be nothing but awful to you if you go ahead, he'll dump you anyway if you abort, you're no longer the fun side piece he wanted because shit got too real when he knocked you up.

Plankingplanks · 26/04/2023 19:29

He's literally emotionally blackmailing you into doing something that you don't want to do. It's coercive control.

He's just scared of his wife finding out and having to pay child support for the next 18 years. I'd bet my house he wouldn't kill himself.

Ceramic · 26/04/2023 19:30

Did you know he was married ???

He can’t tell you what to do . It’s your choice

chezpopbang · 26/04/2023 19:30

He's so devastated for his wife and kids but not enough to not cheat on her? I think he needs to hear the phrase made your bed now lie in it. Do not get rid of the baby if you want to keep it. This is a very nasty tactic

anotherscroller · 26/04/2023 19:32

Men who threaten to kill themselves because of something you do is a massive red flag.
been there done that

secretmumoffour · 26/04/2023 19:32

Do what you want to do and is right for you. He won't act on his threats. Men use that line all the time. He knew the consequences of doing what he was doing he will have to deal with them. Think of yourself and don't fall for his emotional blackmail

Mischance · 26/04/2023 19:32

He is responding to the initial shock. If his worry is his wife finding out then killing himself wont solve that. He has done wrong and must face the music. And you must do what is right for you.

You have both acted unwisely - I am sure you know that - but if abortion is not the right route for you then he will just have to deal with it. Do not let him manipulate you.

ladydimitrescu · 26/04/2023 19:34

If you want to keep your baby, keep it and go it alone.
He doesn't even need to know the baby has been born.
My mum was in your exact position- apart from that she had no idea he was married. He threatened her, she was only 18. She decided to go it alone, never contacted him again. He doesn't have any idea I exist as far as we know. She told me everything when I was old enough to know the entire story. We are best friends, she was and is an incredible mother and woman.
I wish you truly the best in whatever you choose Flowers

Danikm151 · 26/04/2023 19:35

Your body your choice.
An abortion is a big decision to make, don’t let him blackmail you into one if you don’t want to have one.

aalleeaahh · 26/04/2023 19:35

Please don't have an abortion you don't want. This is your life too and you matter. You can't wreck your own life and happiness like this because of some man - his needs don't come before yours. Things will work out okay I promise. Focus on just you and your baby.

SirVixofVixHall · 26/04/2023 19:36

LauderSyme · 26/04/2023 19:18

If you want to keep your baby then that's what you must do. He is highly unlikely to kill himself, he's trying to manipulate you using what he thinks is the absolute nuclear option. Also, he is not devastated, he is terrified.

Agree with this.
Horribly manipulative of him.

KTSl1964 · 26/04/2023 19:36

Did he not use a condom then? He’s only looking out for himself - he’s worries if you keep the child his family will find out - he will need to pay maintenance- focus on your needs - he’s incredibly selfish and cruel - I assume the relationship to be over - hope you can get some real life support. 🌺

TomatoSandwiches · 26/04/2023 19:38

Well the advice I've always followed is to phone the police and inform them that someone has threatened suicide and request a welfare check at the address of said person.

I think you should absolutely do that.

Chattycathydoll · 26/04/2023 19:38

anotherscroller · 26/04/2023 19:32

Men who threaten to kill themselves because of something you do is a massive red flag.
been there done that

Yep. My ex threatened it too. It’s bullshit used to control you, hope that you shut up and solve the problem for him out of fear for him. So manipulative.

CaptainCorriganIsFlying · 26/04/2023 19:39

Are you very young?

I ask because if you’re worldly enough to choose to shag a married man, then you’re surely mature enough to understand that a married man caught with his pants down will tell you any lie to keep you quiet.

His poor wife and children. I hope she finds out so she can get tested for STIs.

Shitsville123 · 26/04/2023 19:40

It's emotional blackmail. Ignore him. If he threatens it again call the police with a concern for welfare report and call his bluff.

The only think you need to think about is could you have a baby on your own as you don't want to have it with that twat.

Jellyx · 26/04/2023 19:45

Wow. Needless to say you made a really poor decision to sleep with a married man and now there are long-term difficult consequences.

You can't choose how he responds or what he does next. There will absolutely be a 'fall out' with his family and he chose that when he chose to have an affair.

If he threatens suicide then send him crisis numbers and/or request a welfare check via police.

Ladybug14 · 26/04/2023 19:47

Hes manipulating you by blackmailing you to get what he wants

He DEFINITELY won't kill himself. What a wanker

At least you know he doesn't love you and cares only about himself

If you want the child, to bring it up alone, go for it. Many women do this. Its not insurmountable

Make sure you get child maintenance out of him. And thank your stars that you found out what he's truly like

CaptainCorriganIsFlying · 26/04/2023 19:48

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