as a single mum … I just want to advise caution. It’s bloody hard. Please don’t underestimate the task ahead of you.
this man is not going to help you and not only that, but if you go ahead, you are committing yourself to a life in which you never, ever get to cut ties with him psychologically. If you love him that may currently sound appealing but as the chips come down for you as they eventually will, you are going to drop to your knees and pray to all the gods for him to die just so your life doesn’t have to be connected to his anymore.
By the sounds of it, I doubt this relationship has been plain sailing. Imagine how frustrated you feel with him sometimes. Imagine breaking up with him, riding into the sunset with the wind in your hair and the freedom, freedom, freedom of moving on with your life, onwards to new chapters and adventures, to new uncomplicated loves, where your partner respects you and treats you well instead of as a sex service , pretending to love you.
please don’t underestimate the suffocation you are going to swallow down for the rest of your life that you will never be able to be psychologically free from him - to do the above - walk away and cut ties. Emotionally, you will adore yor baby of course, but a little piece of you will always connect your child to the absolute piece of shit who was happy to get you pregnant but then abandoned you both.
Even worse.. as your love for your child grows and grows, you will become frightened. What if the father comes back in the scene? Again you might like that thought now. I promise you, you will not like that thought in future. You will wake up in cold sweats with the fear that he could swoop in and try to interfere with your child’s settled, happy, life. It will break your heart to think of this happening. I am not exaggerating. Sometimes when my child smiles his beautiful, beaming smile, I fight back tears - over my dead body will his dad ever be allowed back into our lives to cause him hurt or confusion. But I know it won’t be so easy to prevent it.
This may even impact on your feelings when the baby is born. Prepare yourself for possibly needing postnatal therapy.
Can you afford it?
Do you have the means for raise a child alone?
Nursery fees in London are £2k+ a month. not sure where you’re living but think about that if you want to keep your job.
do you have a reasonable place to live, is it stable? Do you live near family? You are going to need help.
When I was pregnant people kept telling me to put food in the freezer. I thought they were a bit ott - I love to cook, what the prob I thought?
OP- you are going to need twenty freezer full of food if you are preparing yourself for single parenthood.
how do you feel about sleep - important to you? You will rarely sleep for the first few months.
Can afford prams, cots, clothes, toys, activities?
do you like any hobbies at the moment? Dinners, travel, sports, even Netflix?
I used to love all of these things. They will come back into my life , I know, but you will learn too, when you don’t have a partner, you will have to give up these things for some time
My advice to you op - tread very carefully.
if you want this child go ahead but be very clear - the father is not in love with you and he is going to leave you to it.
if you want the baby do a test with yourself. Call your lover and break up with him. Mean it. Block him on your phone and email. Then set your alarm for 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5am, for the next week. Put on a YouTube video of a baby crying for a hour each time and pace around your room sing lullabies. At 7am get ready to go to work. Keep going to work. When you get back from work put something to eat in the microwave, wolf it down, don’t shower. Got to bed. Don’t shower in the morning either. See how you feel after that in a week.
my baby’s father was not married btw, so I don’t know what it’s like to be the other woman. But I do know what it’s like to be strung along, to be in denial about it, and to be given the reality check of my life on the day my baby was born.
And then…. no going back now.
obviously, I wouldn’t go back now, me and my baby are an inseparable unit and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
but it’s bloody bloody bloody hard Op, never have I experienced anything as hard as this. for some time, I would not have survived without my family to emotionally support me.
if you don’t live near your family I’m going to buck the trend on this thread - and to say - don’t do it .
you will have other chances to have children, and in better circumstances.
once again, please don’t underestimate the difference between a good circumstance and a bad one , when it comes to having a child.