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Original poster

Scan Picture - Conflict

30 replies

missrubi · 21/04/2023 11:01

I have my 12 week scan on Monday, where I was dated 13w4, and given the babies due date, my partner came. It's out first baby and the experience was amazing, we had two pictures of the scan, one of the baby and another of the baby waving.

The following day DP came and said his mum is upset and doesn't have a picture of the baby. As she works at the hospital, she was going to get the dr to print her a copy. The next morning, I said to my DP I wasn't comfortable with her requesting a copy of the scan picture. By the evening my DIL is upset and feels "put out" as she can't have a picture of the scan. Following this, feeling emotional and overwhelmed I gave DP the scan pictures to give to DIL.
Now, I really regret this! 😟The past three nights, this has woken me from my sleep and I feel tearful, I don't want to stress myself or the baby out. This baby is very much wanted following 2 yrs of trying with a PCOS diagnosis.

What would you do? Would you address this with DP? I haven't seen my MIL, during this time.

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Lcb123 · 21/04/2023 11:03

I really don't think the hospital can give a copy to her anyway, even if she works there. That's confidential medical records. I can't see any issue with her having a copy from you

ReadersD1gest · 21/04/2023 11:04
Confused You know she wouldn't have been given a copy? What a storm in a teacup 🙄
Original poster
missrubi · 21/04/2023 11:14

Should have mentioned, it my frustration I gave her my only copy. Now I only have a photo of the scan I took on my phone.

OP posts:
HowcanIhelp123 · 21/04/2023 11:16

Can you not just text her and ask if she's taken a copy of the picture so you can have it back when you see her on X? If she asks why tell her you gave it so she could make a copy but it's the only picture you got so you need it back.

OnNaturesCourse · 21/04/2023 11:18

Get DP to get the scan picture back from her.

Send her a copy of the picture on you phone, and print a copy off for her.

Its your baby. Not hers. End of.

Scroobydoo · 21/04/2023 11:37

She sounds like a drama queen. Also there's no way the hospital would hand out your medical records to anyone!! What planet is she on?!

Anyway, why didn't you just take a photo and send it to her? Get your DP to ask for the scan back.

In the long term you need to nip this attitude of your MILs in the bud or it will be much worse when the baby arrives. Sounds like she'll be one of those demanding solo time out with the baby and overnight stays. Your DP needs to be on your side about this and snap her back into reality.

philautia · 21/04/2023 11:39

What on Earth? Why didn't you just text her a photo of the scan picture? She doesn't need her own physical copy, she also won't be given one by the hospital and if she is, that is gross misconduct.

Ask for your scan back and do not be manipulated by this man and his mother.

Megifer · 21/04/2023 11:41

Time to practice having to stick up for your kid throughout their life by sticking up for yourself here.

"DP I must have been in a daze when I gave MIL our only scan pics, tell her to take a pic of them on her phone and get them back off her, cheers" should do it.

duvetcovereddissident · 21/04/2023 11:43

just say, as soon as you have copied it I need it back, then if you dont get it today, follow it up tomorrow, and say you need it back straight away

ZoeQ90 · 21/04/2023 11:43

Why didn't you send her a photo of it?!

Also, don't scan it. Medical photos are light and heat sensitive, if you put it in a scanner, it will go all black and you'll lose the photo.

xogossipgirlxo · 21/04/2023 11:57

How odd. You can't ask for reprint, is she silly or what. Tell your partner to take it back, because it's your only picture. It's your baby, not her, she can be upset and have her drama in silence.

Vee1987 · 21/04/2023 11:58

Definitely time to assert some boundaries as it can get worse when the baby is born, to be honest.

You shouldn’t have given her your only photo but you know this. I’d just make it clear she has it to get it copied but, since you have just one copy of YOUR child, the scan photo belongs to you, the mother.

At the risk of sounding a little harsh and possibly unsympathetic, I feel this was a very straightforward one to assert yourself with. It’s not one bit unreasonable to keep your only scan photo of your child. She is ridiculous if she believes otherwise. I wish people realised and understood scans are to check the baby’s health, not do a sex reveal and get a cute photo. There will be less obviously unreasonable stuff (like when she visits when the baby is born) to contend with that’ll be trickier to handle in the future so practise now, as I said.

ZoeQ90 · 21/04/2023 12:08

Vee1987 · 21/04/2023 11:58

Definitely time to assert some boundaries as it can get worse when the baby is born, to be honest.

You shouldn’t have given her your only photo but you know this. I’d just make it clear she has it to get it copied but, since you have just one copy of YOUR child, the scan photo belongs to you, the mother.

At the risk of sounding a little harsh and possibly unsympathetic, I feel this was a very straightforward one to assert yourself with. It’s not one bit unreasonable to keep your only scan photo of your child. She is ridiculous if she believes otherwise. I wish people realised and understood scans are to check the baby’s health, not do a sex reveal and get a cute photo. There will be less obviously unreasonable stuff (like when she visits when the baby is born) to contend with that’ll be trickier to handle in the future so practise now, as I said.

Do NOT let her photocopy it, the photo is heat and light sensitive and will be ruined, you'll lose the photo forever.

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 12:12

why weren’t you comfortable with her asking for a copy? I can’t think of anything to be ‘uncomfortable’ about there, and you could’ve kept your copies which are now gone! They probably wouldn’t have printed one for her anyway then it would’ve been problem solved

Tdcp · 21/04/2023 12:19

OnNaturesCourse · 21/04/2023 11:18

Get DP to get the scan picture back from her.

Send her a copy of the picture on you phone, and print a copy off for her.

Its your baby. Not hers. End of.

This, with bells on. Why the hell is she okay with having your only copy of your scan photo?!

Scroobydoo · 21/04/2023 12:19

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 12:12

why weren’t you comfortable with her asking for a copy? I can’t think of anything to be ‘uncomfortable’ about there, and you could’ve kept your copies which are now gone! They probably wouldn’t have printed one for her anyway then it would’ve been problem solved

Presumably the issue isn't about her having a copy. The issue is that this woman was willing/thought it would be ok to go behind OPs back and ask the hospital for her medical records! Which she obviously wouldn't have got anyway but she sounds unhinged thinking that would be an ok thing to do.

HVPRN · 21/04/2023 12:21

HowcanIhelp123 · 21/04/2023 11:16

Can you not just text her and ask if she's taken a copy of the picture so you can have it back when you see her on X? If she asks why tell her you gave it so she could make a copy but it's the only picture you got so you need it back.

I'd also do this.

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 12:23

Scroobydoo · 21/04/2023 12:19

Presumably the issue isn't about her having a copy. The issue is that this woman was willing/thought it would be ok to go behind OPs back and ask the hospital for her medical records! Which she obviously wouldn't have got anyway but she sounds unhinged thinking that would be an ok thing to do.

Show quote history

Op didn’t say that did she? She said ‘DP came and said his mum is upset and doesn't have a picture of the baby. As she works at the hospital, she was going to get the dr to print her a copy’ which sounded like MIL was sort of asking her DH albeit in a ‘this is what I want to do’ way. The fact she didn’t actually ask sounds like DH said no and so she didn’t ask for the photo.

RunningFromInsanity · 21/04/2023 12:26

Is it possible to PFB before the baby is even born?

You cried for 3 nights because your MIL has your baby scan?

If it’s your only copy then ask for it back and make copies.
If she can get a copy through work then even better.

It’s not a drama.

FriedEggChocolate · 21/04/2023 12:41

If your MIL works at the hospital, starts putting in the boundaries now before she fancies "enquiring" about other details of your medical care nearer the delivery. I'm stunned that someone working in the NHS would even contemplate asking a doctor for a copy of a confidential scan from someone else.

Original poster
missrubi · 21/04/2023 13:10

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 12:12

why weren’t you comfortable with her asking for a copy? I can’t think of anything to be ‘uncomfortable’ about there, and you could’ve kept your copies which are now gone! They probably wouldn’t have printed one for her anyway then it would’ve been problem solved

It is that I am uncomfortable about her having a copy or a picture of the scan. I felt she crossed a boundary by asking the dr to print her a copy, especially without asking me.

OP posts:
Sissynova · 21/04/2023 13:15

Honestly it’s really weird her asking for another print out, but I guess maybe she thought it was no big deal since you didn’t have another copy. It’s also really weird to have an issue with MIL having a copy! It’s a totally normal thing to send a photo of the scan to close relatives like parents. It seems really arbitrary to be controlling about this. Like what is your reason that you ‘don’t feel comfortable’ with her having a copy?
The more random and unnecessary ‘boundaries’ you put in place then the harder it’s going to be to maintain a relationship.

Original poster
missrubi · 21/04/2023 13:26

Sissynova · 21/04/2023 13:15

Honestly it’s really weird her asking for another print out, but I guess maybe she thought it was no big deal since you didn’t have another copy. It’s also really weird to have an issue with MIL having a copy! It’s a totally normal thing to send a photo of the scan to close relatives like parents. It seems really arbitrary to be controlling about this. Like what is your reason that you ‘don’t feel comfortable’ with her having a copy?
The more random and unnecessary ‘boundaries’ you put in place then the harder it’s going to be to maintain a relationship.

It wasn't about her having a copy it was about her not asking me if it was ok to request a copy from the doctor. As there was only the one printed copy, she felt she could go and ask for one.

OP posts:
Original poster
missrubi · 21/04/2023 13:28

Scroobydoo · 21/04/2023 11:37

She sounds like a drama queen. Also there's no way the hospital would hand out your medical records to anyone!! What planet is she on?!

Anyway, why didn't you just take a photo and send it to her? Get your DP to ask for the scan back.

In the long term you need to nip this attitude of your MILs in the bud or it will be much worse when the baby arrives. Sounds like she'll be one of those demanding solo time out with the baby and overnight stays. Your DP needs to be on your side about this and snap her back into reality.

My DP, did send a copy of it so she can view on her phone. But I don't think she felt this was sufficient. I dunno, really all of this has been relayed via DP.

OP posts:
Original poster
missrubi · 21/04/2023 13:31

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 12:23

Op didn’t say that did she? She said ‘DP came and said his mum is upset and doesn't have a picture of the baby. As she works at the hospital, she was going to get the dr to print her a copy’ which sounded like MIL was sort of asking her DH albeit in a ‘this is what I want to do’ way. The fact she didn’t actually ask sounds like DH said no and so she didn’t ask for the photo.

Show quote history

To clarify, I don't know what was said between my DP and MIL but I know from conversation with him, he did not tell her no. She didn't ask for the phone, but from discussion with DP she was upset that she could not ask and therefore would not have a printed copy.

OP posts: