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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How did you know you weren't having any more baby's?

36 replies

CaseyL20 · 15/04/2023 08:01

I have three daughters (5, 4 and nearly 2) and one angel son (I had to have an arranged medical miscarriage as at my 12 week scan (January 2023). The baby was diagnosed with fetal acrania which they said he wouldn't survive for very long after birth). Anyway, how do you know you are finished having babies? I feel like I don't know whether I want another baby because I'm wondering 'what if' or because I genuinely want another baby. I know I am very lucky with the three I already have but I feel like if I was to have another baby I would like to have one soon seeing as my youngest is still small. I need some advice on how to know what to do.

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EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 15/04/2023 08:07

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'd give it some time, this is a very big very recent loss.. I knew I couldn't have anymore while pregnant with my third DS. My pregnancy was horrible and I couldn't go through that again mentally, but it still took much longer to process that and really accept it. They're all primary school age now and I'd say it's harder now than it was when they were all 4 and under, but they all have SEN so that's a complicating factor. I don't have any capacity to care properly for any more children.

WhyCantPeopleBeNice · 15/04/2023 08:20

DH and I planned on having one, the week my coil was due for removal my children's biological Dad became very ill and was not expected to survive. (Mental health issues and attempts on his life)
It felt totally wrong trying for our own when mine were going through such a hard period and needed us more than ever. It was 2 hard years with constant changes in health, counselling for the children, a feeling of them not being good enough for their Dad to try and get better (which for anyone who knows anything about mental health is not how it works, but in the mind of young teens was how it was perceived) - it left us all utterly exhausted and even now almost 4 years later the whole family dynamic has changed so much we couldn't see having another without my two having feelings on insecurity again.

I'd adore another, as would my husband - but it's not just us that would be impacted.
It does leave a very empty feeling at times

YellowGreenBlue · 15/04/2023 08:23

I have three, I'd probably have tried for another but DH put his foot down! Now they're all teens and I see that he was absolutely right!

Dollmeup · 15/04/2023 08:27

After I had my two I just knew we were ready to stop. It was just like a strong feeling. My partner was the same.

We had always planned to have 3 but changed our minds. My second was an easy baby so it wouldn't have been hard to do it again but we just didn't feel the need to anymore.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/04/2023 08:30

When I realised how hard parenting is, how little time there is once they start school to fit in reading, homework, play dates, after school activities- all whilst working- endless washing- I think my children would have less opportunities if we had more than 2 children.

user1471554720 · 15/04/2023 08:39

I found that when my 2 were ar school, there was still no free time. I struggled to fit in the homework, housework, activities etc along with working. I previously would have liked no. 3 when the older 2 were 4 and 6. When I saw the reality, there was no help, I was very tired and getting colds all the time, no free time I felt that I couldn't face this being prolonged. I had to keep working fulltime. Things only go a bit easier when my dcs turned 9 and 11.

IsSpringSprangedYet · 15/04/2023 08:47

We have 5. Somehow, after number 5, it just felt like the last one. I was happy to bag her bits up as she grew put of them, and pass on her buggy etc. Never had that with the boys. It was always "just in case". Even when I get to hold newborns or cuddle babies, I still don't get that pang. Also my pregnancies were fine, but don't ever want to be pregnant again.

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 15/04/2023 08:51

We have 3 - 1, nearly 4 and 6. I'd have liked another. But they were conceived with IUI donor conception. Not donor sperm left, and I'll be 44 this year. Everything is so expensive as well.

Raggeo · 15/04/2023 08:58

I have a 3 yo and 18mo. I'm definitely done. My second pregnancy was a hard one and my second baby a non-sleeper. Even now she sleeps well but is an early riser. I feel I lost out on quality time with my eldest during my pregnancy and the early months, and now with two little ones I wouldn't want to go through it all again. Maybe if I was a bit younger and could afford to wait a couple more years but I am perfectly content with my 2.I've recently been having a clear out and been really ruthless in getting rid of all the baby things and clothes. It's a bit sad because of the memories but not because of longing for another. So I'm also taking that as a sign that 2 is good for me.

Betsyboo87 · 15/04/2023 08:58

Our second is due tomorrow and I just absolutely know I am done and have felt the same way through the whole pregnancy. This is our bonus baby (first was IVF and this one was a surprise natural conception). I also turn 40 this year. Fortunately my DH feels the same. Everyone is so different though and I know it’s not so clear cut for everyone. I have a friend with 4 and she knew that whilst pregnant with the first 3 that she would definitely want another.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 15/04/2023 09:03

I had mine at 34 and 36, girl then boy. I guess it kind of felt complete - it was hard work having two little ones and I don't think I could have managed adding a third into the mix at age 38-40.

I think the fact that my youngest was a boy was also a factor as I had one of each which kind of felt wrapped up. Having lost my much wanted baby brother when I was very small I do think looking back I had a kind of longing for a baby boy.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 15/04/2023 09:05

Also - Had HG and I think antenatal depression with both pregnancies and was not sure I could do it again!

mdh2020 · 15/04/2023 09:09

After the second one was born and I went back to being a SAHM and realised it was very boring (no money to go out)and I wanted more out of life. I also knew we couldn’t afford to have more. Instead of another baby (which lots in my circle had) I went to uni and built a good career. One problem is that we ar both middle child of three and would never have had three ourselves so it meant going from 2 to 4. I saw being a SAHM and looking after small children as a stage in life and I moved on. I would have loved to have four but I knew it was impossible and made the best of it. We have two lovely adult children, three gorgeous grand children and I had a fulfilling career with lots of travel.

DemBonesDemBones · 15/04/2023 09:14

My fourth is disabled. He is 100 times the effort and heartache of the other 3. We wouldn't have time for another. If this hadn't been the case I don't think we would ever have stopped!

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 15/04/2023 09:15

As soon as my second was born I knew I was done. DH felt the same, so we had it simple. But in my friends there is a mix of would have liked more and couldn't, wavered and went for it, wavered and stopped... We have all ended up at peace with our family units as they are. Different paths but same destination of loving your family and living your life's reality.

So I think let your story unfold, as you navigate your grief, maybe the feeling of certainty either way will grow.

Showerpowerer · 15/04/2023 09:17

TFMR mumma here too! I remember being so obsessed with this for ages that it drove me crazy. It’s took a year for my head to settle down and I had a lot of therapy. We decided not to have any more kids, we spoke to a consultant and gathered facts. The risk out ways the benefit, my heart would love another but logically we have said no.

So now I’m focusing on my babies and the best possible life I can give them.

climbershell · 15/04/2023 11:58

I'm due my second on Fri by elective section. Toddler is just turned 2. We planned them close together because I certainly will not have more than 2. And my life & business is half on pause until youngest is 1. Going to get my tubes tied during the c section

Moni81 · 15/04/2023 12:33

I was so sure not to have more than 2, especially when they turned age to be independent and I got my life back. Now age 11 and 13 I found myself pregnant with surprise baby nr 3. Maybe because of their age and being in high school I am not panicking and a tally looking forward to being mum again. It would be be different if they were all young and requiring constant attention, now having 2 girls I can actually get help from them and having baby around will actually be good experience for them. Also found out yesterday it's another girl so even better as girls will be more keen on baby sister. I am 42 so it's definitely last one, I wouldn't be able mentally and physically to look after 2 toddlers at this stage of my life. I also work, but I have great life/work balance doing 4 on 4 off 8h nights, easy non physical and not stressful job. I'm not career driven at this point in my life so I guess another baby will fit just right. So I guess there is lots of factors to consider and no one model fits all.

AlltheFs · 15/04/2023 12:39

I had my only DD at 41, she was always going to be an only child- age and finances.

Whereland · 15/04/2023 13:10

I just knew, I had three and knew I couldn't manage 4! Sentimental part of me love the idea of another pregnancy and newborn but I don't want 4 children!

Dyra · 15/04/2023 13:11

It's only happened recently, but up until then, I was adamant I wanted a third. But now.... I just kinda... don't.

I've always wanted 3 kids. DH only wanted two, but I was upbeat, and positive I could change his mind. I've put real thought into when to have another. All that has changed in the past couple of weeks. Now I can't even imagine being pregnant. Nevermind having an actual baby. I dread the thought of having to go through the 6-12 month stage again. It's shredded my mental health twice now. What would be left after a third?

The biggest realisation has been when I returned to work the other day from maternity leave. My colleagues have naturally asked me if I want another. I've given them the same answer I've replied with to anyone who has asked since I was pregnant with DC2. "DH says we are, but I still want another". I used to mean it, but now I'm not so sure I actually do.

I'll see what my feelings are like once DC2 is 2 and a half. If I still feel like this, then I guess that'll be that.

Scot75 · 15/04/2023 13:21

I never made a choice. I wanted a second. Then partner said we could have a child together once he got divorced. He kept putting the divorce off and my DD was getting older and the gap was getting bigger.
I’m now with someone really great but I’m too old now to have more children.
It makes me sad that it won’t happen now.

Itstarts · 15/04/2023 13:28

I babysat a friends baby yesterday and baby was tired so crying a lot and not easy to get to sleep. I thought fuck this and have started researching vasectomy for DH. We already have 2 DC but hadn't decided for definite if we wanted more or not.

SpaceJamtart · 15/04/2023 13:53

I had twins and a singleton very close together not on purpose, it took a while to recover especially with them all being very little at the same time. The elder two are at school and I love the stages they are all in now.
I have no desire to mess it all up by bringing us back to baby stages- and the fear of having more twins (mine are brilliant but I cannot have 5 children)
The three under 2 thing was a lot but having them all close is really fun and I don't want to add an extra.

Strugglingtodomybest · 15/04/2023 13:55

Neither of us wanted more than two from the offset, the thought of having a third filled me with dread.

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