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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Abortion or not?

47 replies

Mummatob · 13/04/2023 16:05

So I’m 19 I’m a mum of a 2 year old and 9 month old I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and booked in for an abortion on Saturday less than 48 hours away, I really don’t no what to do if I should go ahead with abortion or not I’ve had weeks to think about it but I am not coming any closer to a decision. My family are very for me having abortion (they haven’t said this) but definitely get that vibe from them when discussing it and this time round it was more like everyone was like “oh shit” when they found out I was pregnant rather than happy like the other 2 pregnancy’s. I don’t no if my decision for booking the abortion has been influenced by my family as I was kinda just expected to go for the abortion by them. One day I’m all for the abortion and think it’s the best decision for me and my kids and the next day I’m wanting to keep the baby. I’ve weighed up the pros and cons I thought about it for weeks and still cannot make a decision I really don’t no what to do

OP posts:

mycoffeecup · 13/04/2023 16:06

In your position I'd have the abortion, no question. But it doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks. What do you want? How are you supporting these kids? Can you afford another? What's your relationship like?

Original poster

Mummatob · 13/04/2023 16:07

I feel upset when they tell me it’s not even a baby yet just a blob etc because wether I keep the baby or not I feel like it is a baby

OP posts:

Original poster

Mummatob · 13/04/2023 16:11

My partner and I have an amazing relationship, we love being parents, we are finically comfortable, he has his own business and I am a stay at home mum with my 2 little ones

OP posts:

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/04/2023 16:12

There is no right or wrong answer in these situations, but I think it’s unlikely you are going to be able to care adequately for yourself and your existing children and a new baby?

Ultimately your first duty is to the children you have and yourself, you owe them as good a life as you could can possibly provide, so they have decent chances in life.

But whatever you do please get contraception sorted out going forward. I know that’s probably an annoying thing to say, but it’s really important.

LemonSwan · 13/04/2023 16:12

If you didn’t already have two I would have gone for abort at that age. But you already have two and assume you can’t earn, pay for childcare, or anything else. So I suppose in that regard what’s one more to add to the chaos.

That said it’s not just these early years. What kind of life do you want for your children growing up? Do you want to be able for them to do extracurricular activities, go on trips, have driving lessons and a car etc etc. It’s a lot of money and time ferrying them all about.

You have to think of your current children and also yourself. Goodluck with your decision.

pinkfondu · 13/04/2023 16:14

What does your partner want?

Original poster

Mummatob · 13/04/2023 16:16

My partner says he support either decision he just wants me to be happy with whatever I chose

OP posts:

greyhairnomore · 13/04/2023 16:17

If you are in a good relationship and can afford it , I'd have it. Otherwise no.
Get some contraception sorted though so you don't have to go through this again.

AllOfThemWitches · 13/04/2023 16:17

There is no 'baby' at this stage and 3 kids is hard.

OhMyCherriePie · 13/04/2023 16:19

I wouldn’t go through with it

TomatoSandwiches · 13/04/2023 16:22

I would have the termination.

Mummyboy1 · 13/04/2023 16:23

Go with your gut here, abortion is hard whether it's for the right reason or not. However, in your shoes, I would probably keep it, just go for it. Along as your current children have a good home life and your partner is supportive. Oh and definitely get contraception sorted

Dinoswearunderpants · 13/04/2023 16:26

Why has no one asked the obvious question about why you keep getting pregnant if you're not in a position to have more children?

It doesn't sound like you want an abortion.

1Strawberrycat · 13/04/2023 16:27

First thing I would do is postpone the appointment and give yourself more time to think. Forget what anyone else wants you do. The decision is yours. Good luck.

AllOfThemWitches · 13/04/2023 16:27

Dinoswearunderpants · 13/04/2023 16:26

Why has no one asked the obvious question about why you keep getting pregnant if you're not in a position to have more children?

It doesn't sound like you want an abortion.

Well, why is it our business? Do you just want the opportunity to berate a stranger?

SittingNextToIt · 13/04/2023 16:31

Would I advise, a (presumably, as you say "partner") - unmarried 19 year old, with two small children, no career/job prospects (correct me if I am wrong), staying at home, reliant on the partner - to have a 3rd child?

No I wouldn't.

I would advise her, if this were me at 19, or my 3 year old 16 years later - to focus on skilling/qualifying herself, to build her earning capacities, to earn for herself, to make sure she is legally protected, through marriage, and to focus on the two existing children - and taking them through to teenage into adulthood.

But I am a random internet stranger, and you must pay me no heed.

Solobear · 13/04/2023 16:32

I would keep it x

TheInterceptor · 13/04/2023 16:38

Why do you think your family are against having another baby?

Cherrybl0ssm · 13/04/2023 16:41

Your family’s opinion on your pregnancy is neither here nor there.
You are an adult woman. As you mention in a good position.
Keep your baby. You have your partners support.

Original poster

Mummatob · 13/04/2023 16:42

We do definitely want another child and have discussed this we just planned on it being in a couple of years. We were using condoms and I actually got pregnant when my period was due/ a few days late (day 37 in my cycle) so was totally unexpected.

OP posts:

PickledScrump · 13/04/2023 21:31

Personally I would not be able to abort. Having had scans at 8,9 and 10 weeks with my pregnancies they are most certainly more than a blob of cells at that age. They look like a baby and are able to move. If you feel you are in a position to look after this baby then keep it. Yes it will be tough with 3 young ones but they’ll probably grow up really close and it’ll get easier as they get older. Ultimately you have to do what is right for you, ignore your family and everyone else.

HowcanIhelp123 · 13/04/2023 21:51

Why does your family have a say? Unless you rely on them for money and childcare how many kids you have really isn't any of their business.

It's your body and your choice. If you're planning another baby within 2 years anyway, what difference do you think it will make? How do you see your situation being better? An abortion is not an easy choice, and you carry it with you for life. I've known people have abortions and not regret it for a second, because it was their choice and they were 100% certain. I've known abortions almost destroy people that were pushed into it.

Main thing you both need to do is get your contraception sorted. You're only 19 and on your third pregnancy (I'm assuming at least 2 of them unplanned). You've likely been sexually active for 4 years max, and you're fertile into your 40s so another good 20 odd to go! You need to sort it out, you don't want repeats of being in this position again for your own sake. There's only so many babies most families have the financial means to house and feed and 3 is already pushing it for most! The precious babies you already have need you whole and giving them all the love and attention you can, not mentally unwell from the trauma of abortions you didn't want.

pinkfondu · 15/04/2023 10:49

How are you doing op?

MrsRinaDecker · 15/04/2023 10:53

Hope you’re ok op whatever you decided

Mumma29x · 15/04/2023 19:12

Wow I am shocked at some of the responses on this post. I really don’t understand why people feel the need to try belittle a stranger. Why assume because someone is “unmarried” they would be worse off looking after another baby than someone that is married. Also assuming because someone is 19 and might not have an aspiring career that they are unable to have another child, when it has been stated they are finically stable and her partner has his own business, very judgemental!

What I would say is that you don’t seem 100 % towards the abortion therefore it’s important that you give yourself more time to come to a decision you can be more sure about. Go with your heart and what is best for you and your family.

hope your okay regardless of what you choose

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