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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To find out or not to find out?

39 replies

JumbledE · 31/03/2023 18:04

Don't need to decide for a few weeks but what are peoples experiences with waiting to find out the sex of the baby?

We found out with our first two at the 20 week scan and thought we might like a surprise for this one but now I'm thinking about how practical it was knowing in terms of getting and washing all the clothes etc etc as well as being able to bond with the baby and decide the name. Is it worth the wait?

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ChloeN · 31/03/2023 18:19

This is my first baby but I’m not finding out the sex. Would be nice to hear others experiences but I’m so excited for the surprise when baby is born! We’ve decided on a boy and girl name, and I’m a neutral/plain clothes lover so I don’t think not knowing the gender has effected what I’m able to buy at all!

Whichnumbers · 31/03/2023 18:22

There are few surprises in life and this is a beautiful surprise.

I just sorted all neutral clothing in white

TomatoSandwiches · 31/03/2023 18:23

I wish we had waited now even though my instincts were right each time.
I imagine it's a little gift after all the crap of childbirth.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 31/03/2023 18:24

Didn't find out with my first because it was 27 years ago and they didn't tell you but found out with the next two.
I must admit it was more special to find out at the birth x

StylishM · 31/03/2023 18:24

We've found out each time and referred to baby by name throughout the pregnancy - you do what feels right for you!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 31/03/2023 18:35

I found out with my first. I didn't with my second.

If I had another, I wouldn't find out.

It's hard at times, but it was so lovely to find out in that moment. Plus, I was the only mum that day that didn't know (planned caesarean) and they made extra fuss of me.

WeWereInParis · 31/03/2023 18:36

I only have experience of finding out, so it's a it one sided. But I will say that finding out with DD2 and picking a name etc helped DD1 understand. Obviously it depends how old you're other 2 are, but with my DD it helped her get it that we were able to say "baby sister" and tell her the name and talk about what might happen when "name" arrived etc.
But again, I don't know how it would have gone it we hadn't found out - probably also totally fine

Twoinapod · 31/03/2023 19:15

I’ve had two surprises and it’s was lovely having my partner tell me the sex once born. This time we’re finding out just for practicality reasons

bakewellbride · 31/03/2023 19:49

With our first we 'found out' at 20 weeks but I just knew he was a boy from day one.

Second pregnancy I had no intuition on whether the baby was a boy or girl and we had a surprise. It was magical. Would recommend.

Belles22 · 31/03/2023 20:25

Hi, i didn't find out on my first but always had a feeling it was a boy and I was right. It was still so lovely finding out after 4 days of faild induction and finally section. Only downside was that he was wearing white, grey and yellow for the first 6 weeks! On this one my second, my partner is bursting to find out so hopefully only a few more weeks to wait

drpet49 · 31/03/2023 20:27

Whichnumbers · 31/03/2023 18:22

There are few surprises in life and this is a beautiful surprise.

I just sorted all neutral clothing in white

Yes this.

mrsmacmc · 31/03/2023 20:32

Surprise here FTM to be ✨ I don't get the hype in finding out 🤷‍♀️ I seem to be in the minority in RL though as people we've told about 🫘 we get either second or third question in 'what are you having' if I'm in a wind up mood I'll say hopefully a human 🤭 but they look at us like we've grown a third eye!!

GiraffeLaSophie · 31/03/2023 20:34

I found out, and I’m glad I did, it was nice to be able to say her/she and I do think it helped me to bond. Do you have a preference either way? I’ve heard some people say that if you do then it’s better to find out early, but others say to wait until the baby has arrived as you’ll be so pleased you won’t care!

Mumsnet is often really snobby about people finding out the sex of their baby… but at least you didn’t say gender!

Flittingaboutagain · 31/03/2023 20:35

Absolutely loved the surprise with my second. There are so few good surprises in life. It was so easy to just dress baby in wrong sex stuff for a few days before our vinted delivery came. Who cares about washing stuff just get a neutral babygrow or two. Sorted!

Flittingaboutagain · 31/03/2023 20:36

Tell your midwife no one is to tell you and look down yourself and see. It's incredible!

vipersnest1 · 31/03/2023 20:43

I always think it's a bit like opening a present and already knowing what's inside!

coffee06 · 31/03/2023 20:54

I hate it when people say that they found out the sex to "be organised." I consider myself to be a very organised person, but what's to organise? Just buy white and order stuff from Vinted or get the other half to go and grab some supermarket stuff once you know what you've had.

There's is no greater magic than finding out at the birth. It's one of those things that I think you have to experience to fully get it.

Finding out the sex beforehand always felt a bit "meh" to me, but each to their own. It's like you are getting a present and you already know what it is and you've just got to wait weeks to open it.

UnicornRainbowSky · 31/03/2023 21:20

I think there's no right it wrong way. However, I didn't find out with my first and the moment my husband told me we have a daughter will forever be one of my most treasured memories.
Second time round I was more tempted to find out because I thought it would help me bond more with the unborn baby. But by the 20 week scan I already felt very connected to this little person inside me so decided last minute not to find out. I personally find it very exciting not knowing and I love that I can speculate with my daughter about whether it'll be a baby brother or sister.
I'm not planning on dressing my newborn in gendered clothing so planning wise I feel there's no difference. I find thinking about names also way too much fun to cut down by 50% 😂
So yeah, I personally prefer not to find out but there's nothing wrong with finding out either. Do what feels right for you x

Lcb123 · 31/03/2023 21:22

I wouldn’t. I deliberately want to avoid gendered clothes, I’d never decide a name before birth anyway.

BotherThat · 31/03/2023 21:31

I think I must have a shit imagination or something because to me knowing one way or the other didn’t take away any of the excitement or magic of being handed my newborn baby.

I had harmony blood tests at 10 weeks with both DDs and they are able to tell sex by then too (primary purpose is for anomalies tho which I was worried about as an ‘older’ mother) so DH and I knew both times what we were having before 1st trimester was over.

In terms of practicalities, I don’t do gendered clothing / nursery decor, but it did help DH and I cut in half the arguments about potential names as we have very different tastes (him more classic, me more hippyish!)

heartbroken26 · 31/03/2023 21:32

I didn't find out with my first. I did with my second. I wouldn't say it was any more special. I really enjoyed buying clothes and naming him Etc when we knew

AliasGrape · 31/03/2023 21:33

I only have one. I didn’t find out, I just didn’t see the need, it was going to be one of two possibilities and I didn’t think I would be doing anything different either way.

The name thing might have been a plus, we really struggled to agree on any names and it might have helped to only have one list to agonise over! Though as it happened the name we agreed on for ‘if it’s a girl’ was dropped as soon as we saw her, and we went with a name I loved but DH had absolutely ruled out early on. Once we saw her he decided it suited her. So I don’t suppose knowing the sex would have made a difference there.

I also love the funny made up name we had for her before we knew, it was all very sweet and exciting looking back.

Vanishingly unlikely there will be a second, but I did think actually I might find out if there was a second time - just for the sake of having experienced it both ways.

Echobelly · 31/03/2023 21:34

We didn't find out gender of either of ours. I always liked the idea of it being a surprise and didn't want to be projecting too much on an unborn child. Of course, for other people they may love naming them etc ASAP, but wasn't for us.

RandomMess · 31/03/2023 21:57

I think a surprise is lovely and after the birth you care less you are just happy it's over!

HappyHolidays22 · 31/03/2023 21:58

It is worth the wait!!! For us, it was the best decision to not find out - it made the birth even more exciting for us and our family

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