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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To find out or not to find out?

39 replies

JumbledE · 31/03/2023 18:04

Don't need to decide for a few weeks but what are peoples experiences with waiting to find out the sex of the baby?

We found out with our first two at the 20 week scan and thought we might like a surprise for this one but now I'm thinking about how practical it was knowing in terms of getting and washing all the clothes etc etc as well as being able to bond with the baby and decide the name. Is it worth the wait?

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bellinisurge · 31/03/2023 22:01

We didn't. There were a few "oh it's a boy because of the shape of your bump" comments. It was a beautiful girl.
I just bought neutral coloured clothes with a neutral coloured room - sunny yellow.

Don't regret it for a single minute.

Decafflatteplease · 31/03/2023 22:02

We have 4 and we've never found out with any of them and we've liked it that way never regretted it. We aren't really into stereotypical boys or girls things like clothes so our babies just wore whatever I liked, I seem to remember alot of mint green with my first, and lots of rainbows by the fourth!

I've always also thought that if you aren't sure then dont as if you get out of the scan and think oh I wish I'd found out then you can always pay for a private scan to find out, but If you find out then regret finding out then you can't change the fact that you know but you can if it's the other way around. If that's makes sense!

UndercoverCop · 31/03/2023 22:02

I hate surprises, I like to have every available piece of information, so waiting wasn't for me.

Username24680 · 31/03/2023 22:06

Didn’t find out with ours. Asked the midwives not to announce it at the birth - that was DHs big moment in it all 😂 he was pretty excited to have a job to do on the day.

I knew from the minute I saw the positive test that we were having a boy. Absolutely everyone else told me it was a girl 🤣 DH announced boy at the birth and my reply was “I know!”.

I never really understand the thing about it allowing you to be prepared unless you’re hugely into the whole pink/blue thing.
In my opinion there is nothing better than a baby in a fresh white babygrow 😍 so that’s pretty much all I had anyway 😂

Stingraytail · 31/03/2023 22:09

I’ve done both and much preferred finding out at the 20week scan.

highseas · 01/04/2023 00:16

I think I'm in the minority here but I didn't experience much difference between finding out the sex at birth vs during pregnancy. I think I was so happy to have my baby the sex just seemed so unimportant in that moment. Also I was convinced on the sex and I was right.

WandaWonder · 01/04/2023 00:21

We didn't find out, we would have loved the baby no matter what sex, didn't feel the need to to the pink blue thing

Didn't need to feel 'if a girl likes fairies, princesses and unicorn and a boy truck's and dinosaurs' thing

cisisaslur · 01/04/2023 00:25

Far too impatient to wait for anything. There's absolutely no way that I could have waited. And I hated being pregnant so that broke up the first 20 weeks having something to look forward to.

Original poster

JumbledE · 01/04/2023 04:40

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Just to confirm, I am not planning on dressing the baby in frilly pink if a girl and dinosaurs if a boy 😂 I have 2 beautiful boys and so the clothing I have is slightly more 'boyish' but to be honest the newborn is probably absolutely fine for either sex!

I think we will wait but it may depend on our mood on the day of the scan! We really have no preference (no this baby isn't an attempt for a girl!) so my thinking was that waiting would be a good option. We had a slight preference last time for a boy (don't judge me!) so we found out.

OP posts:

TTCnumbertwo2 · 01/04/2023 05:19

I definitely wanted to find out with my first. Currently trying for my second and even though I want to I said to myself I wouldn’t find out the sex as after 3 miscarriages it doesn’t matter what I have so long as my baby is healthy and in my arms

Number1number2 · 01/04/2023 06:29

I must be in the minority. I'm a planner( and fairly unsentimental, clearly) but I'm of the opinion that it's a surprise when ever you find out! I don't understand 'we wanted a surprise' it's not like I found out at 20 weeks because I already knew it was a girl, it was a wonderful surprise at that moment that we found out.

It then made the naming discussion much easier and for what's it's worth I went a head and painted DDs room blue so it's not about gender stereotypes either ;)

Planning to do the same for DC2 and agree with the PP about helping to prepare DD for her new sibling.

However you just do what feels right for you OP, it doesn't really matter what everyone else thinks

Gizzymac · 03/04/2023 16:11

I always assumed I'd find out at 20 weeks as I'm generally a bit impatient. In the end I felt so grotty up to 20 weeks that I was really keen to find out then as a treat for feeling crap for so long. It felt really nice to find out half way, a nice calm moment for me and my husband and I definitely feel a bit more connected - she's more 'real' in my head now. She's going to be in hand-me-downs from family so would have been wearing the same clothes either way.

Twizbe · 03/04/2023 16:29

I didn't find out with either of mine. To me it was a bit like knowing what you're getting for Xmas. It's still lovely but the day isn't as exciting.

Also I had a strong preference for one sex over another. I knew at birth I wouldn't care and I'd love my baby. At 20 weeks I wasn't bonded enough with the pregnancy to not feel disappointed.

As for preparing, it stopped me buying lots of gendered stuff for my first so I had lots to reuse. I kept that up even when they were born. I still try to buy neutral pjs and underwear etc so I can hand stuff down (I have one of each).

For the second I just went through the clothes and had a pile of neutral and very sexed. I washed and prepped the neutral stuff and kept the sexed stuff bagged up. I could then either wash or donate as required.

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 03/04/2023 18:58

My first pregnancy was IVF and I was convinced I was having a boy but we didn't want to find out after how clinical the IVF had been. I had an EMCS, and I nearly fell off the table when I was shown girl bits. My second pregnancy was a surprise in itself and I always thought I would find out with a second but when it came to it I really wanted to keep the secret as long as possible. We did think we'd seen boy bits on the 20 week scan but really weren't sure. He arrived at 37 weeks and confirmed what we'd seen on the scan.
Both times clothing wise I just bought neutral in the early sizes and we'd saved DD clothes so once we had DS as he went up a clothes size the boxes came out of the loft and the girly stuff went to charity and the neutral bits were handed down to DS.
I'm not having anymore but if I did I'd go surprise again.

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