Is it true the placenta “takes over /is formed at around 8 weeks”

[worryingalot]

I’m unexpectedly pregnant and have had far too much alcohol during the pregnancy to be honest
Up to 6-7 weeks
I have stopped now but I’ve been torturing myself about the damage I may have done. I have had previous miscarriages and blamed myself
I keep reading online re accidental alcohol/drugs/partying that the placenta isn’t formed prior to around 8 weeks and so the baby is quite well protected and takes it’s supply from the yolk sac
is this nonsense?
Ive read also it’s more the second half of the first trimester that is worse
but we are not talking up to when a test should have been positive (like a missed period) it would be more around 6-7 weeks of potential damage
I’m worrying myself silly over this and can’t find enough information that verifies the placenta comment I have seen repeated
any ideas?
thanks

No I mean it would be after the start of the 5th week of pregnancy I’d have drank that much. If that makes sense.
I am not sure if he would be entirely disinterested in a baby and not bother with access really. It would swing one way or the other. Feels like he did it to get back at his ex or to show the world he’s a good parent but you’re right I’ve seen he doesn’t change much.
Thanks for chatting to me by the way I’ve been really a bit of a mess about it.
I don’t know if I could terminate. I would it it had anomalies picked up I guess. I have had infertility and miscarriages so it would be a hard decision but I can see he’s not a good partner to have a child with, and would never make any steps toward other commitments like living together or anything. I think I’d have to accept it would be me by myself.

He has previously said he wanted a baby but has also said he doesn’t. I don’t know if he’s trying to make me miscarry it with him encouraging stuff more and more now that he knows
he keeps saying we don’t know for sure until the scan (!) and won’t talk about it until then but his behaviour speaks volumes to me about him not fully wanting it

It does make sense.

And it's worth understanding that sometimes there is no 'right' answer. There are just two answers which lead down different roads, both with challenges.

FWIW my DD has ADHD so she isn't 'normal' or 'perfect'. But of course she is both to me. If your LO does have differences from alcohol use or any other reason, he or she will still be your baby.

I do think you need to think carefully about your partner. He doesn't sound like a good man. Getting back at his ex sounds really destructive. There isn't any way you can get physically far away from him soon so it's just a lot of effort to chase custody if you go ahead with the pregnancy.

I do think either way you need to get yourself out of this relationship. You sound nice, why are you doing this?

You won't know if the baby has foetal alcohol syndrome from the scan. You won't know until after the baby is born, maybe a while after.
I'm going to be honest and say as you're tempted to drink even though you're pregnant, you have an issue with alcohol yourself. Combine that with a partner who is bringing coke home and encouraging you to use while pregnant and is clearly a totally irresponsible parent with drug and alcohol problems - are you sure that you are ready to be a parent? Are you sure this is a good and safe environment to bring a baby into?

Older fathers are often linked to ASD, if you're worried about developmental issues etc, I'd really be more concerned about that than FADS.

Sorry you're in this situation, but think about every outcome here, you'd not have asd or FADS picked up on via a scan.
If you choose to continue your pregnancy then you'll have to be aware there is potential for neurodiversity.

I have 2 SEN diagnosed children and 1 who would probably be diagnosed if he was to be looked at by psychiatrist.
It's not easy but I'd never change having them.

Good luck with whatever you choose x

I wouldn't have a baby with this man. You can do it alone if you want to keep the baby but clearly the environment you're in now isn't right for a baby.

Re alcohol, I barely drink other than special occasions and occasionally on holiday. I found out I was pregnant quite late and had been drinking over xmas/new year. My midwife told me not to worry at all, it happens to so many women. Most people are okay providing they stop.

Lots of women on here encourage others to eat food off the 'to be avoided' list - there's a risk there but it's small. You're in the same situation, you've had alcohol so there's a risk but it's small.

Hi

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have read through all the comments on the thread. It's pretty evident that both you and your partner have issues with alcohol (and he perhaps with other substances). The first thing you need to do is decide if YOU want to continue that lifestyle or get help. I would urge you to see a counsellor to help you work through your own issues (the fact you are afraid to go to events where there is drink just in case is concerning).

You will not know if alcohol has impacted the baby until after it arrives. You need to make peace now that if the baby has additional needs (which can happen in all pregnancies), are you in a position to care for that baby?

Also, I wouldn't be thinking too much about if he we're to request access etc after the baby is born. You are currently still with him, you need to take one step at a time.

Thank you for all your replies
I have had difficulty with alcohol in the last year but have now stopped drinking. I had a rather bad bereavement and things and got very stressed at work. It’s no excuse.
I have had some bleeding now so I think it might be another miscarriage. I feel really guilty that I drank at all earlier in this pregnancy. I can’t be seen as it’s a weekend so I don’t know what is happening. I have lost symptoms as well.
Anyway thank you for the replies I will read them again. Thanks

If you are bleeding you can go to the emergency room.
Look after yourself.

It's the weekend but you can still go to A&E or call 111 if you're pregnant and bleeding. You should get checked out especially if you haven't had any medical professional look at you since you fell pregnant.

Regardless of what happens next, you cannot be a happy and healthy person (or parent) while in a relationship with this man.

He will drag you down and even the thought of his child being inside you wasn't enough to stop him encouraging you to drink and take drugs.

Are you currently still in a relationship with him?

I'm so sorry. I hope everything works out.

Thank you
I think I’ll go to the early pregnancy unit tomorrow as a walk in or call them as I’ve been there with a previous miscarriage.
Yes we are sort of together but he keeps saying he doesn’t care if I’m around anyway 🤦‍♀️ It’s not a great relationship
I don’t know how I let it get this bad really I feel very foolish
Re his DC I think the actual reason to go to court was for 50/50 so he didn’t have to pay maintenance.
I would keep this if it’s healthy but I’d have to prepare to be by myself which isn’t ideal with my job being very difficult also I don’t know how I’d manage. I feel very guilty for potentially harming it. All my symptoms have gone so I really think it is another miscarriage now but I will find out I guess tomorrow.
Thanks for your comments

Well it’s still there but not looking right
I think it will be another miscarriage unfortunately
lots of factors were wrong and it was a week too small with a slow heart rate large yolk sac and things that looked abnormal about it
I have to wait another two weeks part of me thinks it’s prolonging the inevitable. I feel really guilty about not treating it right.

I'm so sorry love. Don't let guilt send you down a bad road.

The ONLY reason for guilt is to stop you making the same mistakes over and over. Leave the idiot, make a new life. You will make better choices for yourself.

Get rid of the partner and get help to stop drinking - if you want a baby then do it alone, not with an alcoholic drug abuser - he was definitely trying to make you miscarry by encouraging drinking and drugs. It wouldn’t be safe to let him look after a baby so what’s the point in him being involved. He is also being abusive to you.
get free of him while you can x

I’m so sorry you are having such a tough time OP. When you have a baby you will want to protect them more than anything in the world. The man you are with sounds like someone you would need to protect them from - rather than someone who would help you to protect them.

You have been dealing with so much this year. Do you have any support? If you are in London you can Google ‘talking therapies + your borough’. They offer cbt but have access to more specialist therapies as well. It’s a few weeks wait but I think irrespective of the pregnancy it would be worth speaking to them. They have helped me so much. It also might be worth going to a few AA or NA meetings. I think you need people in your corner.

Please start to value yourself. MrsTP is right, you do sound nice. This guy is anything but nice but you know that.

I hope everything works out.

Please use this moment in time to start afresh without him and away from him.

Thanks
well he is aware I was prescribed progesterone pessaries by the EPU in case it can be saved but I had not started them

He went in my bag and found them anyway
I has really bad pain this morning and asked if there’s paracetamol and said I shouldn’t take the ibuprofen and he lost it with me
he said let me get this straight you are doing everything you can to keep it in there, you’ve got those tablets, nothing I say matters
he has throughout this pregnancy refused to say he doesn’t want it he just fobs me off for later when I say we’d need to talk
so he really clearly has been trying to make me have a miscarriage
I am so upset to realise it wasn’t in my head or through his mistaken belief it would be alright some sort of carelessness
he really does want me to have another
miscarriage and has been so callous about it

He’s never had the decency to tell me he wants a termination
he really just wants to cause a miscarriage then pretend like it was my fault and he had no part in it
he smiled when he recalled putting a huge line of coke on the table and telling me to do it
(I said something like well you’ve been trying to make me have a miscarriage all along you told me to do all your mate’s stuff and he smiled and said no I put it all in a line for you!) like he found it funny
I did not do it but he clearly tried
I am so upset that I was drinking at all I feel like this is all my fault
I’d have more respect for him if he said he wanted me to terminate it but he’s just said no no he’s never said that and fobbed me off again and again while trying his best to kill it off anyway
he was also very rough when we last slept together, with his hand (sorry this is gross) it honestly felt like an attempt to make me miscarry anyway
I am just horrified I’ve been so stupid

Sorry for the rant! I am so upset today
i feel like if it was healthy I’ve ruined its chances anyway
This would be my fifth miscarriage if including CPs
he’s also denying it is his as he thought he was infertile - it can only be his unfortunately

OP why not look up the effects of FAS? It will stop you ever from wanting to drink whilst pregnant. If a child has FAS they usually have a lifelong learning disability often IQ under 75 and require a lot of additional care. They may never be able to live independently. I'm sure you don't want this for your child. Your partner sounds like he would not care as he is encouraging you to drink. I'd be ditching the partner. You need to talk to your midwife honestly about how many units of alcohol you drank.

Sorry, just read your update. FAS does not show up on a scan. You would only find out when baby fell a long way behind peers. You need to find a nice man to be Dad to a baby. One who cares about it even before it is born. And cares about you.

I’m so sorry to read your update OP. It’s horrid when you have your worst suspicions about someone confirmed. He sounds cruel and abusive. This should be a really exciting time in your life and he’s spoiling it.

This is so sad, you really need to leave this man you deserve to be happy.

@worryingalot How are you today?