Deep regret & ttc again

[hgunes]

Hi guy's hope im in the right place to discuss this. A brief history happily married 35 year old first pg ectopic(surgical) 3x uncomplicated c sections youngest ds 9 years. We recently havent been too careful and i found out i was 5 wks pregnant it was a shock and i panicked i suffer anxiety and it got the better of me i made a huge mistake which i will never forgive myself for as we now realise its the baby that we wanted baby 4 was going to complete our family but we rushed the decision and got scared i had a surgical termination at 5wks 2days woke up crying and knew we had made a mistake everyday the heartbreak seems to get harder but we have talked an decided baby 4 is what we wanted and needed 100% sure so i would like to know when after surgical termination it is safe to ttc again?and how long after a termination did it take you to conceive again?Please no judgement i know ive done wrong and feel bad enough as it is.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

I think it is usually recommend to wait a couple of cycles for your uterine lining to recover fully.

I have had a similar experience and I would just warn you that the physical desperate urge to become pregnant again after a termination or miscarriage is quite well documented and common, but it isn't necessarily logical. It's a bit of a cruel trick your body plays on you.

Waiting a few cycles is a good idea as you need your hormones to level out and then have another think about it.

I'm not saying you don't want another baby but it's just worth waiting a second to think.

I really sympathise.

I've also been in a similar situation, and I really sympathise.

I had a termination in June 2022, it just wasn't quite the right time for us and it was a heart-breaking decision to make as we knew we weren't far off hopefully being in the right situation.

I felt deep regret immediately afterwards and was obsessed with wanting to TTC. I am now really glad I didn't. The feelings calmed down after 2-3 months and I've now had to time to come to terms with my decision and focus on bettering our situation so we can TTC.

We are now hoping to TTC next month.

I'd suggest giving yourself some time just to recover emotionally from what you've been through, there is no rush to TTC so soon.

Just to say, I'm in a very similar position and trying to decide whether to try again or not. I'm scared it will make me grief even worse but it's also all that makes me feel hopeful. My reasons were stupid.

So I see you and feel you. You are not alone.

Yes i feel the same my reason's didnt justify what i done it was pure fear and being the appointment available next day didn't leave me chance to fully digest what was happening. İ can 100% say now though im sure its what i want and this isn't guilt making me feel like this i think when you know you know and i feel this will make me appreciate the next so much more thats if it happens again ofcourse so i plan to wait till after my next period then start trying to save any confusion on af dates etc

Good luck to you. Put that love into a new hope and don't look back. It makes me feel more hopeful too to see your certainty.

Well the next few weeks waiting for af will be hell but i hope i will start moveing forward once we are trying again.
When did you have yours?not sure about yourself but i haven't had one night's sleep since the procedure

6 weeks ago. I've just been surviving since. The day I took that tablet and realised there was no going back was the worst day of my life. I screamed and cried and tried to be sick. I've been such an idiot.
I'm on the pill at the moment and trying to decide whether to just come off or give more time. I'm so depressed that I don't want to tip myself over the edge with more hormones until I feel a little bit lighter at least.

Yes its a horrid way to feel i was so close to saying I've changed my mind when they wheeled me down but just felt too late. Im sure as time goes by we will find a way to cope and move on from this and its comforting to know im not alone on this self inflicted emotional coaster x

If you've already had 3 c sections it might be worth speaking to a hcp before you do ttc again

I have spoken to them after immediately regretting my choice they say every surgery carries am increased risk of complications etc but it isn't unusual they have seen 4+ and the risks aren't so exceptional you shouldn't go on to have more you just have to accept and be aware of the increased risks it carries

I’m in this situation too. Had a medical termination a week ago. Thought I was doing the right thing by the 2 kids I already have and immediately regretted it. I got caught up in anxiety and i am prone to pre-natal depression (which disappears the second I give birth) and sort of rushed through the process and now would give anything to go back and undo it, which of course, I can’t. I am desperate to try and get pregnant again but I know I need to wait and make sure it’s the right decision, and let me body recover. But I feel like I have some clarity on us having a 3rd which I didn’t when I was blindsided by an unplanned pregnancy. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone

@CharlotteMcF sorry to hear you are also in this situation. It truly is shit. As I said to the OP, there is no harm in taking your time to make sure it is the right decision for you. The reasons you had the termination for the first time around, are they still there? Would you potentially feel the same way if you TTC and fall pregnant quickly again? What has changed in your circumstances, can you get the right support in place ready for if/when you find out you’re pregnant again to help if you start to feel anxious? I’m by no means trying to talk anyone out of TTC, i can only speak from my own experience. Our bodies and hormones are all over the show just after a termination and can send us spiralling.

@scaredandanxious01 shit is the only word for it! I totally get where you’re coming from, but I think all the things I thought were big reasons just seem very insignificant now…however, I’m going back to my psych (who specialises in pre/postnatal issues) and not rushing anything. I FEEL like this has given me clarity I was so desperately lacking a week or two ago, but I want to give myself time to grieve and come to terms with things, and then see how I feel

Its so reassuring that there's others here in the sane boat. I had mine on 12/2 because my anexity just made me panic and my husband was not keen. I never even thought about the emotional, fall out from what i did- despite the fact i was telling the abortion clinic i regret my decisions and will need counselling after- even though i was saying it, I just gave no thought to how it would be. I am angry at my husband that he kept saying we would use it as a positive turning point. I had dreamed of this baby and kept my baby stuff so still don't know why i freaked out. Its been the worse 8 weeks of my life but things are not quite as hysterically bad as they were. I am sleeping which helps. I am now wanting to TTC again but know there are no guarantees given i am 40 and its going to make things very complex whether i do or not as the abortion memories will interact with these. Hoping we can all keep supporting each other over the next few months- never a position i thought i would be in x

Mine was about 2 months ago and I'm really really struggling. The regret hit me within hours and I've felt devastated ever since. What on earth was I thinking.
I would also like ttc again but I also feel terrified at the prospect. My anxiety is through the roof.
I've never had mental health issues before but this has destroyed my wellbeing. Going to try and get something prescribed today. At the moment I'm not eating much (lost over a stone and I wasn't big to start with) and waking very early in the morning. Need to sort myself out so I can ttc.

Sounds like we must have had it at a similar time. Ive ended up antidepressants- they seem to have numbed things a lot so I am not as hysterical so I would try to get something prescribed . I also got sleeping tablets for a bit. These helped me get some sleep which made a huge difference. At least when asleep you get some break from it. The mh fall out is horrendous and not something the clinic told me about- they gave me a leaflet but i just did not process it. Im the same as you- what an earth was I thinking? All the worries about the pregnancy are nothing compared to this. Ironically i was worried about post natal depression but have something far worse and no baby. Do you have any support and does anyone else know?

OP there is no rush, you are only 35. I would try and access some counselling to work through your thoughts.

You have 3 children, the youngest is 9 so I'm assuming the other two are at secondary school. How would they feel about another baby? Are you not incredibly busy with the 3 you have? Are they not times now where you need to be in 3 places at once? What about the supporting your teens through their gcses?

Importantly, why had you not thought about having another child before now? You must have run this over after the 9yo was born. If you deceded you were done then, why?

Logistics, have you the room for another child, the 9yo can't share with a baby. Do you have bigger enough cars? What about finances? can you afford another maternity leave or break from work. Can you afford another child?

You are nearly at the end of kids at primary school. Do you really want to have to start back at that in 5 years, and another 7 years of primary?

What about you and your career? You have children who can look after themselves a bit more and help around the house, are you not looking to focus on you and your wants and needs? Now is a time you can find yourself again and do hobbies, sports, go out in the evening without a babysitter. In a few years your be able to holiday without the kids and take advantage of a cheap week in June somewhere hot.

Do you think this is a fear of empty nest, or not being needed as much? A fear of what's next for you?

Saskia2023 - I just did a quick google search and found this.

Post Termination - Reflect: Pregnancy Choice & Loss Support (reflectsupport.co.uk)

Oh I see it's based in Yorkshire. There may be one in your area

thank you for that. I am on the waiting list for stillwaters who provide a similar 12 step intervention hoping it helps! Just wish i had reached out before making the decision as just the negativity was spiralling in my head.

I'm so sorry to everyone on this post 💙
OP, slightly different, but I had a termination for medical reasons at 32 weeks as my poor boy had very severe brain damage which was the result of a huge stroke. We started TTC about 3 months later and I was pregnant again 3 months after that with my rainbow baby. She's now 8 months old

@Littlelighthouse im so sorry for the loss of your poor boy 💙 My heart breaks for you but I’m happy to hear you got your rainbow baby.

How's everyone feeling now? 2 months have passed since my surgical and even though I'm learning to live with my mistakes the pain and regret doesent seem to ease. I was lucky and have fallen straight back into my 28 day cycles even though the first was pretty rough. Hope you guys are all ok x

thanks. thats good you have got straight back into your cycles. But sorry that emotionally your are struggling- have you managed to access any counselling? xxx

Can anyone let me know if you conceived after and how you feel? Does having a baby help with the feelings of regret?