Tell me some horror stories. I need to be scared into doing my pelvic floor exercises.

[BroccoliSpears]

2nd pregnangy. 3rd trimester. Done about 3 half hearted clenches in the past month.

Apparently having to cross my legs when I sneeze isn't terrifying enough. What is wrong with me?

MAKE me do them, Mumsnet.

google prolapse

The first time I went out after my first baby I walked into a bar, got an awful coughing fit as it was really smokey and had, erm, damp jeans all night.
I was mortified.
I refuse to become a Tena Lady so now do them all the time.

Do you want your dh to be able to touch the sides?

Eep. Even saying 'prolapse' has me clenching in terror. That's without googling.

DWP - seriously, the first time you went out after your first baby was to a bar?

you will only enjoy sex if you do them.

BroccoliSpears, I meant 'out' out, obviously we went for walks and to coffee shops etc with the baby.

This was about three weeks after the birth and my best friend forced me into it, I did have fun, despite the dampness.

My mum laughing helplessly at the table at a joke and the wee pooling on her chair and running on the floor. This def. happened more than once. I think she also had some sort of operation to help with it and it didn't help.

Ahh. These are good.

Maybe I'll set myself a new rule that I'm only allowed to mumsnet if I do my exercises while I'm sitting at the computer.

Maybe I should put a post-it on the screen?

Ooh, or change my posting name to DoYourPFEsOrYouWillWetYourselfInPublic... or something a little snappier.

I think I'll join you doing them while I'm on mumsnet everyday Broccoli.

I shall look out for you PFJ and remind you to do them if I see you.

this is what PFJ posted on another thread:

'once helped a vet push a cows uterus back in after a still birth of a calf. (school work experience was SO much fun) And I can truly say it was the most messy, weird thing I ever had to do. Like pushing/stuffing a giant water balloon into a golf ball hole. I dunno if thats the way it happens to humans, but ifs anything like it... then its WELL scary Lolli. I mean REALLY scary.

-hides and tries to do more pelvic floors-'

If that doens't get you doing the exercises, I don't know what will!!!!!

from this thread

Tranpolines

traMpolines even

For a second I thought DB meant you'd get google prolapse from not doing your PFE , deffo need more sleep and possibly dye my hair back to brown...

You will get a rectocele, in which the wall of the bowel bulges into the vagina, and hangs out of the vaginal entrance.

Oh Good God, I am clenching while reading this

... first floor .... second floor ...... third floor ....... ground ....

I went to a gig last night and had rather wet trousers by the end due to all the jumping.

Worse than this though is vaginal wind, which I believe is a consequence of weak pelvic floor muscles. Trust me, it's awful when your body makes gross farting noises without any warning and there's very little you can do by way of holding it in. I have this problem at work most days.

colditz that is impressive unless you only know because you have one? oohee hope not

it's also disgusting

you won't be able to stay on mumset when you need to wee until the very last second and still be sure to make it to the loo on time

Must-DO-more-pel-vic-floor!
Must-DO-MORE-pel-vic-floor!!
MUST-DO-MORE-pel-vic-floor!!!
...

Arg hhhhhhhhhhhhh

oh hot cheese

but talking of fanny farting are you aware that some women can do it on demand

i'm not one of them

quite a party piece though

Can they fart the national anthem?
Sounds stylish.

Zip from the back and hold.........