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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant at 39. Please can I have positive stories?

52 replies

OrionNebula · 02/02/2023 14:47

Hi,

Just got a positive test. I'm 39, DD is 3.5. I stopped taking the pill last year and it was very much a "see what happens" kind of thing... anyway now it has happened and my head is all over the place. I keep thinking I'm too old, so much can go wrong. And it may sound terrible (apologies if I offend anyone) but I am absolutely terrified of having a child with a serious disability. Also our life together with just DD has been so good, I'm afraid of everything changing.

Can I have positive stories of pregnancies and second babies in late 30s/early 40s please?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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whoruntheworldgirls · 02/02/2023 14:48

Following as i'll be 38 this year and debating having a second

MrsAvocet · 02/02/2023 15:13

I had my youngest when I was 39. It wasn't planned and we were pretty horrified, but abortion wasn't an option for us, so we had to get used to the idea. I had all the same worries as you - and they are totally rational worries - but actually I had the most straightforward pregnancy and birth of my 3. Remember that whilst the risks of complications do without doubt increase with maternal age, most women of your age will not have major problems. Statistically the odds are still in your favour, and of course you do have options re tests/decisions as to whether to continue with the pregnancy or not, if problems are discovered. But right now, whilst it is easier said and done, try not to imagine the worst. And also do bear in mind that some of the anxieties you are feeling, like the potential changes in family dynamics are really common in second pregnancies, however old the parents are. You are completely normal!
I cannot deny that dealing with the sleepless nights etc was harder at nearly 40 than it had been when I was younger. But it was at least partially offset by my greater experience, our more stable financial situation and so on. There is no perfect age to have children and there are pros and cons at any time. You'll probably find some things easier and other things harder.
My own Mum was 42 when I was born, and my DH has a much younger sibling born when his Mum was in her early 40s too, so we both knew what it was like being in families who had children later in life. Again, there are pros and cons from the children's point of view, and the toughest thing for me was having elderly parents and young children to care for simultaneously. But I certainly never felt that my childhood was in anyway blighted by having older parents and I dont think my DS would either.
I think he has kept us younger to be honest. We have taken up new hobbies because of him and as a result I am a lot fitter in my mid 50s than I was in my mid 30s, and DH and I are definitely more physically active than we would have been had we not had DS when we did.
Having a second child is a big change at any age. It will take time for you to become accustomed to the idea. Take it one day at a time. Make sure you understand the additional risks and follow appropriate medical advice of course, but try not to immediately jump to the worst possible conclusions - cross those bridges if you come to them. In the meanwhile, look after yourself and remember there are positives too. Good luck!

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 15:15

I had a planned dc at 43.2. Uneventful pregnancy.. 6 year gap before the next dc who was thrilled to be a big db!
A total bonus baby he was!

SageMist · 02/02/2023 15:18

I had my second at 40 (first at 23). I did have a number of miscarriages both before and after, which is a fish when you are older.
However other than that it was actually easier than my first. Pregnancy and labour were ok, and lovely DD is now 21. Both kids have a great relationship even though there are 16 years between them.

SageMist · 02/02/2023 15:19

Not fish, risk!

Housewife2010 · 02/02/2023 15:20

Don't worry. I had mine at 37 & 39. I had very easy pregnancies (no morning sickness) and coped well once they were born. I really don't think that there would have been any difference if I had had them 10 or 15 years earlier. I wasn't the oldest mother at the school gates - a lot of my mum friends are the same age or slightly younger.

SirVixofVixHall · 02/02/2023 15:22

I got pregnant with. My first at 40. My second was born when I was 43. Several of my friends also had babies in their forties, all of us had healthy babies.

Jennywren1975 · 02/02/2023 15:22

I had DS a month before my 40th. He's 18 today.
I sailed through The pregnancy without any morning sickness at all.
Best thing I ever did. I did get pregnant again at 42 and 43, but both ended in miscarriages.

Picklewicklepickle · 02/02/2023 15:26

Congratulations!

I had my second 3 days after my 38th birthday. This was a pregnancy after an MMC. Pregnancy was just as low risk as per my first, no sickness, I was just more knackered/achey. Some of this is just being pg with a toddler though! And had a lovely labour (despite being induced vs. original planned home birth).

My genetic screening test came back with higher odds than my 1st but still very statistically small.

Snowleopardess · 02/02/2023 15:26

Just had my second, she’s 4months now & I turn 40 (cry) this year. Got a just 3yr as well. Pregnancy was fine and no issues / complications etc. I had all the tests etc but they didn’t flag anything up as a higher risk - if they did I was thinking I would have paid for that Harmony test to know more - but all was ok & not dissimilar results to having number1 at 36. I think I ache a bit more this time round, with all the lugging baby about / feeding etc -but that’s about it :-)

ThomasinaLivesHere · 02/02/2023 15:26

Due to your age you would likely be offered tests which could rule out various chromosome issues etc. You could also go private to get them. There are also scans etc which could point to issues. I’m 37 and planning on getting more extensive testing even if can’t get them through nhs.

My cousin had a successful pregnancy at 39. And I know of others. Happens a lot.

badgergirly · 02/02/2023 15:29

I had a baby last year at 39.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it all again, but DH did ( we have a DS aged 5 ) so it was very much of a let's see what happens kind of thing, 3 months later we were pregnant.

The pregnancy was bad. I couldn't walk far, would get out of breath quickly. I'm not over weight but I guess I'm unfit. Spend my days just laying down. Worlds apart from my first pregnancy.

The labour was so quick this time and the birth was quite traumatic. It's took me about 7 months to heal and feel like myself again.

Would I do it all again for my baby boy? Absolutely!

Anymore children? No way, I'm done! 😂

badgergirly · 02/02/2023 15:32

I should also had that the baby was healthy and no issues in the pregnancy, it was just the physical side of it for me that was the trouble.

PurpleReindeer2 · 02/02/2023 15:32

Had my 2nd at 38. The birth went well, baby 9lb. Happy and healthy. Good luck xx

JenniferBarkley · 02/02/2023 15:32

I'm 39, mine are 4 and 2 - I'm done but if I wanted another my age wouldn't put me off at all. I'd have the testing, as I did with the others, but to me having a baby at 39 is very very normal.

Congratulations!

Madeintowerhamlets · 02/02/2023 15:33

I’m London based so perhaps that skews my outlook but 39 is no age to have a baby around here. I was 38 when I had my first (& only) & I know so many others that are having babies well in to their 40’s. I think the only thing is that 2nd pregnancies/ births can take more of a toll especially as you get in to late 30’s/ 40’s but a lot depends on fitness & how demanding your first is!

Original poster

OrionNebula · 02/02/2023 15:35

Thanks everyone I feel much better already

I'm hoping for a boy, purely because I have no idea what we'll call the poor child if we have another girl. DD's name was literally the only girls name DH liked from my long list

OP posts:

BabyMoonPie · 02/02/2023 15:37

I had dd2 at 41. The pregnancy was a little harder than dd1 but not much. My risk of Down's syndrome was higher but I had NIPT and that came back low risk. Was induced and labour was quicker and easier than dd1. DD2 has been a more chilled baby and a better sleeper and has fit into our family so easily. She's just over 1 and watching her and her big sister together melts my heart - it's the cutest thing ever.

NowThatIThink · 02/02/2023 15:37

I had my only child two months before turning 40 -- have never had a miscarriage, conceived first month of trying, perfectly straightforward pregnancy while travelling internationally for work (in fact midwife complimented me on my fitness at 36 weeks), straightforward birth, utterly fabulous child, now ten. (I hated maternity leave and went back to work early, but that's not age-related!)

There were three women older than me in my north London NCT group, and lots of the women seeing my midwife were my age.

mondaytosunday · 02/02/2023 16:57

Had mine at 41 and 43. Now 17 and 19, fit and healthy.
We had the nucal fold scan and decided against any further tests as measurements were normal.

Kladebs · 02/02/2023 18:16

I'm nearly 37 & 21 weeks pregnant with babies no 5&6.
All tests I've been offered have shown as low risk for anything. Had a load of bleeding, but I also had this with 2 pregnancies in my early 20s.
Hips are a nightmare, but they have been since my second pregnancy at 22.
The only thing that's really been put down to my age is the fact I'm having twins, non identical from 2 separate eggs.

My mum had my brother at 40, no problems and he's a strong healthy 16 year old now x

allgoodthings84 · 02/02/2023 18:22

I’m 11 weeks pregnant with my second and I’m 38. I had my first when I was 30 (different partner). It’s early days in my pregnancy at the moment so don’t know how the scan etc will go but so far I feel the same as I did before (nauseous and a bit tired) but no worse. Im classed as lower medium risk but that’s only because I had an emergency c section with my daughter do automatically puts you in that bracket. I am a bit worried about how hard it will be once the baby is here but my daughter will be 8 and I have my partner who’s very involved and excited. My ex husband was great in the day time (weekends) and evenings but didn’t like helping in the night then we split when she was 1.

MissConductUS · 02/02/2023 18:24

I had my first at 39 and my second at 41. Both pregnancies were unremarkable and the kids are great. One graduated from uni last year and the other is still studying.

Baconand · 02/02/2023 18:24

Meant kindly, but you are being ridiculous.

I had DD naturally at 41, straightforward pregnancy and vaginal birth. DD is 3.5 and absolutely perfect as far as anyone can tell.

I had gestational diabetes but that’s not age related. Otherwise had the easiest pregnancy known to humankind. No symptoms, no issues, no stretch marks.

50% of the babies born where I live are to over 35’s. Youngest in my NCT group was 38.

There is a teeny tiny increase in abnormality. We had early NIPT for peace of mind which I do recommend if you would terminate (we would). But percentage wise the risks are so small.

TakeMe2Insanity · 02/02/2023 18:27

I had my first at 39. Pregnancy was fine, nothing out of the ordinary similar recovery from csection. The whole parenting angle is fine. There are some parents who are younger than me but to be honest you meet more parents who are older than younger.

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