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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Worried I won't know labor is/started

42 replies

Jawjahh · 29/01/2023 11:12

I'm 39+4, first baby, and I'm so worried I won't know that I'm having contractions and labor is starting. Everyone says contractions feel like cramps, but for me cramps were just an uncomfortable ache in my abdomen... Well I've had an uncomfortable ache in my abdomen for months now, how on earth do I differentiate 🥲

I've been asking everyone I can, midwife, birthing class coach, friends, and they all say "oh you'll just know" saying as it's something I've never experienced before when I do experience it I'll "know"
But I'm experiencing A LOT if things I've never experienced before, how do I tell the difference between them???

I'm worried I'll think "oh that's just baby moving" or "that's just general discomfort its nothing" when really I should've been preparing.

I'm having a home water birth and I'm scared that I'll miss all the signs and it'll be too late to prepare the birth pool.

I feel these tight feelings in my belly often but it only last a few seconds, and everyone tells me contractions should last a lot longer so I'm like, "well it can't be that then?"

I know there's not a lot anyone can really do, I'll just have to know it's happening when it's happening, but I'm going insane worrying everything will be hectic and panicked all because I just don't know what to expect 😓

I'm not worried about the actual labor or birth, just that it's going to catch me by surprise and 💩 all over the birth I'm hoping for.

Sorry for rambling I'm just going mad waiting for this baby and waiting for a BIG sign it's all kicking off 😅

OP posts:

ManyNameChanges · 29/01/2023 11:14

I can promise you you wont miss them!
Yes they are like cramps. But not like mild cramps you can just ignore.
They have a pattern to it that you don't have with normal cramps.

Please don't worry about that. You will know.

TeddyBeans · 29/01/2023 11:17

I've been told back ache that radiates around your tummy. I was induced last time so haven't gone into labour naturally either and not knowing how it starts is a big thing for me too. By the time you have to think about going into hospital - if you're going in - you'll be well into established contractions that you won't be able to talk through so you'll know well before then that it's the real deal.

Good luck! Hope you have your little one in your arms soon ❤️

Breezycheesetrees · 29/01/2023 11:17

You just will know. The cramps come on suddenly and are far sharper and more insistent than regular cramps or Braxton Hicks. I wondered the same with my first but as soon as it started, I knew.

smellyshoes81 · 29/01/2023 11:17

@Jawjahh if you’re not sure what is happening (whether it’s labour or not) then just ring the midwife and they will advise you, that’s what the numbers are for. You're not wasting anyone’s time, so don’t worry about that! You don’t need to overthink this OP, You’ll be grand!

CastleTower · 29/01/2023 11:19

I sympathize - I feel the same, and this is my second pregnancy! (Had an early epidural for medical reasons so never really felt a contraction.)

The early contractions before I had the epidural were exactly like period cramps - same sensation, same coming and going, and no fixed pattern. So 🤷‍♀️

Sorry, that's not helping! But I too am intrigued by the whole "you'll just know" thing.

ArtixLynx · 29/01/2023 11:21

the appearence of your plug coming away, feeling shaky, backache that is more intense than usual, cramping, water breaking.

It was the waters going and intense back ache following along soon after with my first. cramps didn't kick in until i was 5cms.

With number two it was plug/shakes, then cramps that came on pretty close.

The key is really to listen to your body, and don't be afraid to call your midwife if you're in any doubt!

Dragonsandcats · 29/01/2023 11:21

Mine started off like period pains, then got more intense and closer together. So a discernible progression.

MushroomQueen · 29/01/2023 11:23

They do feel like cramps initially but different to cramps they come in waves build up and subside. Ive had 3dc. 2 at 37 1 at 38 weeks. I dilate v early so my cramps can be an early sign. Buut big difference- with my 3rd i waa 4-5cm not in active labour for 2 weeks. When it started it was v v different to the cramps b4 id had. I literally had to squat each contraction to get through it. My 2nd i got to 6cm without knowing id had a v strong 'braxton hick' in the night which was obviously labour in hindsight- but it had stalled at 6cm. And i happened to go to appointment that day and sent me to delivery- 4 hrs later he was born. However with 1st it was obvious when as it was every 4 minutes intense waves getting stronger lost more plug and got hospital at 5.30, was 6cm. 4 hours he was here. I had waited at home until i was struggling so had plenty of notice- you will have time esp first

MushroomQueen · 29/01/2023 11:25

But don't rely on waters breaking as an indicator all 3 of mine had to be broken at 10cm

IHeartGeneHunt · 29/01/2023 11:25

Mine started as general period type aches but very quickly went to WOAH NELLY and there was no mistaking it!

20viona · 29/01/2023 11:27

You'll know.

J1290 · 29/01/2023 11:29

For me i had the same questions
first baby my waters went before anything elsr then just complications n craziness

so for second baby i had still no idea

night before i had really low down back pain/ache didnt go whatever postion and felt like baby had dropped super low...

next morning i noticed my belly go hard then relax with alittle cramp like braxton hicks but made me go oooo
then my back hurt same place as a cramp then relaxed
thry seem to take it in turns so i basically sat down all day writing them down the exact times and where they came from
eventually they become closer together instead of like 8mins some were 7mins
writing them down made sure i culd see when they got closer

then the cramps become a pinch and lasted till it relaxed
this lasted about 10hrs iv got to say
i went for a bath at 7pm they got worse after that
i culdnt sit down had to ealk and breath through the pain they still alternated and was a pain! Not a cramp.
most labours dnt just start painful and ur 10cm dilated.....Just a slow progress so its monitoring how painful and if its getting worse painwise.
deffo know what to look for this time! Good luck

Kam610 · 29/01/2023 11:30

With my second I was worried I wouldn't know, as for my first I was induced and it was like instant contractions. So I didn't know what it would be like to go naturally. Luckily though my waters broke first, so any cramping after that I knew was contractions. They start of mild like period cramps, but they do get more intense. Way more intense! You will definitely know when they are real contractions and not just braxton hicks.

Garman · 29/01/2023 11:31

Have you read or learned anything about birth? How fast do you think it will actually happen? Nobody has a better answer than "you'll know" because it will either become abundantly clear over the course of 1-24ish hours that the baby is being born soon, or the cramps will ease off for the time being a you'll know it's not coming yet. It's not like you're going to be querying a couple of cramps and the baby will immediately be on the way out.

olderthanyouthink · 29/01/2023 11:31

I have a really long latent phase (basically period cramping on and off, can go on with life just a bit slower) and the a really fast active phase (painful, but for me ok in between till they're on their way out) . For the second birth, we put the pool up a bit into the latent phase and push it to the side, started filling it when I'd called the midwife out and we'd had a chat and a check up and I was fairly sure baby would come soon.

First time I had an accidental home birth for that one I should have gone back to the maternity unit when I was in so much pain I was on the floor. I'd recommend filling the pool a bit before that point 🙃. By time I was at "I can't take anymore" I wouldn't have had time to fill it.

So maybe get the pool out when there's quiet regular cramps and fill it when it's painful. It's quite unlikely that you'll go from fine to baby in an hour and if you do well... congratulations on the baby.

I was confident we could fill the pool fast because we can endlessly fill baths but if that's not the case for you do it earlier but not full and then top it off when you need to get in.

Freshair87 · 29/01/2023 11:33

I felt exactly like this, I had a few tightening feelings and wondered if that was it starting (it wasn't) basically If you're not sure if it's contractions it isn't. When my contractions started I probably had two before I realised ah ok this is it and you will definitely know because of the pattern to it

pinkpotatoez · 29/01/2023 11:34

You will 1000% know, I worried the same but gave birth this week and you definitely just know

CastleTower · 29/01/2023 11:35

@Garman Meh, you say this, but it literally happened like that to someone I know. Wasn't sure, went to hospital, they said definitely not and sent her home, baby was born in the lobby ten minutes later.

Rare but possible! (Don't worry, OP, this is obviously exceptional!)

mrsbitaly · 29/01/2023 11:39

From my experience it started with period like cramps then in a few hours they became stronger and stronger and more regular- enough to take your breathe away and want to hold on to something until it passes. Once they became very close I went to the hospital and I really knew I was in labour then as the pain would last much longer and very strong. My waters didn't break during all of this so don't use that as the basis you are in labour it's different for each person.

Garman · 29/01/2023 11:40

CastleTower · 29/01/2023 11:35

Rare but possible! (Don't worry, OP, this is obviously exceptional!)

Right, so how long from her wondering at home, to getting to the hospital, being seen, and sent away, 1-2 hours?

slowquickstep · 29/01/2023 11:41

You will know.

Dogsandchocolaterule · 29/01/2023 11:42

Look for your mucas plug. I had a bit of back ache, went for a wee and had the slimy stuff, then contractions started and got stronger and stronger.

They can take your breath away a bit. Periods are like a general ache, this will hurt, then go, then hurt then go.

And the gap between the hurting will get shorter and shorter, and when you are contracting you won't be able to do much else than go "ahhhhhhhhh" or flap you hands, or walk around grunting! And then it stops and it's like normal and you can chat, then bang it starts again. You will know.

I always had and still have now the most horrendous cramps and I still knew the difference.

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/01/2023 11:43

There is a big difference between cramps and contractions. Take it from me, you'll know! For me the first sign was my waters breaking. Contractions didn't start for a while so I went back to bed. Had baby later that day.

CastleTower · 29/01/2023 11:45

Could have been an hour I suppose - she was at work in the hospital at the time, though! So not long. @Garman

I am being a bit flippant of course, it was just such an unusual story.

I'm in the same position as the OP (and currently 40+2) and really enjoying reading people's accounts of it.

bluesky45 · 29/01/2023 11:49

I had a sweep and then general aches and feeling uncomfortable (more so than normal). On the way back from the hospital after the sweep, we stopped at Tesco to get some snacks and I felt uncomfortable enough for me to tell him to go in and I'd wait in the car. Then my waters went when we got home. So I knew then. The actual contractions are strong, like enough to make me stop and just focus on breathing type strong. So I knew that way.

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