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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Partner wants termination

31 replies

Higz · 29/01/2023 08:44

4w+6d - Partner wants rid…. HELP:(

Having had a termination in October 2022 for baby no. 1 - instinctively knew straight away I had to get rid. Just started a new job and wasn’t the right time - I found out yesterday I’m 4w+5d. Instantly wanted to keep it. Despite
looking for work again (self employment ran dry - bloody winter), and all the plans we had are still happening this year (converting our iveco daily into a forever home and leaving the uk at the end of the year for good) - I STILL WANT TO KEEP IT. I know it adds a little spanner in the works but I know I’ll still be able to use a drill and jigsaw and paint brush with a 6 month bump, not a concern for me.

The issue is, my partner is adamant that he doesn’t want a baby yet, and not sure if he ever wants a baby now having experienced this twice in 3 month - his concerns are making space in the new build for the baby/child, limiting my inability to get work in a few years when we need income due to looking after a child, and ‘What about going to the Ashram in India’.

My take on it is pretty simple, we’ll easily have space in the van for bab/child - just make considerations whilst planning to ensure baby is accounted for, who knows what’s gonna happen in 2/3 years time when we need to go to work again - we cannot plan for these things, yes having a child may make it harder for me to get work, it may also open up more opportunities, we just can’t say for sure, and you can take kids to the ashram so I’m not bothered about that.

Partner sees the child as limiting options and future, I see it as opening up possibilities… help!

OP posts:

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 29/01/2023 08:53

Was you on any conception? How an earth did you become pregnant twice in the space of 3 months with unwanted pregnancies? No offence.

If you both weren't careful then what did he expect?

mumoffourminimes · 29/01/2023 08:53

If you want to keep it, then you must keep it. That might mean getting rid of the dp though

Emmamoo89 · 29/01/2023 08:57

Keep the baby if thats what you want. X

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/01/2023 09:00

Why’s he not using condoms if he doesn’t want to turn sex into babies?! Were you trying/hoping to get pregnant again so soon?

He can’t have an abortion because he’s not pregnant and you can’t keep using it as contraception.

Don’t terminate if you don’t want to, only you get to decide. But consider whether you want a baby with someone who’s so casual about your body and your health which is a far bigger issue than whether or not to take a baby to the ashram…

If he does a runner will you want to be a single mum?

RudsyFarmer · 29/01/2023 09:00

How old are you both?

Suprima · 29/01/2023 09:02

The fact that he’s happy to put you through these abortions like it’s a simple teeth clean at the dentists confirms that he is complete dogshit and not a partner

keep your baby if you want

get rid of this fucker

scaredandanxious01 · 29/01/2023 09:03

I had a termination in June last year and I know that if I had another unplanned pregnancy, I absolutely couldn’t have another termination. If you want to keep this pregnancy then do so. It may spell the end of your relationship though. Have you come to terms with your previous termination? I’m not saying keeping this baby is wrong, but please be mindful it could stir up old emotions from October.

MrsBunnyEars · 29/01/2023 09:04

Children do limit options. If you don’t see that you are either very young or very blinkered.

Have the baby if you want to, but be realistic about what it involves, and that you’ll likely be doing it alone.

And if you don’t have this baby, sort proper contraception.

Bellalalala · 29/01/2023 09:05

If you want to keep the baby, then that’s what will happen.

Though I don’t think he is wrong for not wanting the baby at this time. I think you are naive to think it’s not going to hugely impact your plans.

And I also get his concerns that this will leave him as the only one earning for a good while.

It’s not an easy situation to be in.

Doyoumind · 29/01/2023 09:08

You need to be realistic. Keep the baby but also consider what life on the road would be like with a baby. Is it really feasible? What would your backup plan be if it wasn't working?

Branleuse · 29/01/2023 09:10

How come you keep getting pregnant if you dont want babies?
Once is an accident. Twice is careless.
Of course it will be more difficult with a baby to do the things you want easily. I think youre right that he probably doesnt want a baby at all, but does enjoy unprotected sex.
I think youve got big decisions to make, but being pressured into an abortion you dont want, is very very different emotionally than an abortion that you do want and know is right for you.

YoBeaches · 29/01/2023 09:10

Child never open up opportunities and you are wrong to think of them like that. Neither You're relationship your you life plans seem to be the best place to have a baby.

Granted many aren't, but Why on earth you (both) have allowed yourself to get pregnant again after a termination, knowing your life plans is beyond me.

You are foolish and naive.

If you terminate you need to leave him too. He is not good for you.

If you don't terminate you need to leave him too. He is not good for you.

Sack off your fantasy plans about living in a van with a newborn.

Get some contraception.

pebbles3004 · 29/01/2023 09:12

Echoing other posters, babies do change things. Tbh it can come down to that individual child and their personality. You could be lucky to have a super chilled baby who just sits there and happy to watch you doing DIY, or you could have a super demanding baby who will NOT let you put them down, who will not nap, or will insist on constant entertainment/engagement from you. And I'm talking from as early as 4 months old. And unfortunately it doesn't come down to parenting style or choices they make, these little babies have their own personalities and in my experience, its nature over nurture for how they behave and how much they demand from you. Some people can have super chilled 1st babies, thinking they have smashed it and ready to do it again, and then rocked to the core when their second is a spirited and demanding little thing!

And unfortunately it's a total gamble so you have to be prepared for both scenarios 🙂

ShockedAndAwake · 29/01/2023 09:18

Having a baby is hard work. It's better to have a kid with a partner who actively wants it. There is nothing wrong with having a kid as a single person but I'd be reluctant to have one if I was in a relationship with someone who doesn't want a child. It's really unfair on the potential child. You are very early days. If it were me I would have an abortion.

Do you think he thinks you got pregnant on purpose?

Greenfairydust · 29/01/2023 09:19

To be blunt, I think you both need to grow up and be more responsible, OP...

You have no stable job, your main goal is renovating a van to go travelling abroad with no clear plan at how you will support yourself, you are having sex with no contraception leading to potentially two abortions and you have a partner who does not want children but seem unbothered by having unprotected sex.

Is that how you want your life to be?

If you want to keep your child you will need to make some serious changes in your life. You will need a stable home and I personally would get rid of your useless partner.

knittingaddict · 29/01/2023 09:40

For a start stop getting pregnant in a relationship where you aren't both committed to having children now. It's incredibly irresponsible.

Was contraception non-existent?

NewDogOwner · 29/01/2023 10:02

' I know I’ll still be able to use a drill and jigsaw and paint brush with a 6 month bump, not a concern for me.'

You can't know this, OP. Many, many women have difficulties even just with basic mobility during pregnancy. I had pelvic girdle pain and couldn't even walk without pain. Most women in know had some difficulty in pregnancy, birth or after.

Eatentoomanyroses · 29/01/2023 10:07

You sound naive and reckless. I don’t know where to begin. You shouldn’t have a termination if you don’t want one but I think you need to get rid of the idea you can slip a baby in a backpack and carry on as usual. Baby’s are a completely life changing event.

nova99 · 29/01/2023 10:17

' I know I’ll still be able to use a drill and jigsaw and paint brush with a 6 month bump, not a concern for me.'

'leaving the uk at the end of the year for good)'

This was my attitude. I wasn't renovating a van tbh but I was adamant nothing would change. Lol.

I ended up with severe morning sickness. This meant vomiting all day, every day. Becoming dangerously dehydrated and more than once was on a drip at hospital in the maternity wing.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I had pelvic girdle pain. Never known anything like it. Was on crutches!

I don't want to piss on your chips but there's just so many variables in just pregnancy alone never mind a baby, you can't possibly know that it will all be ok.

If you're leaving the UK for good have you thought about how you will get your baby medical care? Vaccinations? Can you pay for them?

SoupDragon · 29/01/2023 10:25

I'm not sure I'd want to go through pregnancy/birth/baby/small child in a van in a variety of foreign countries.

For a start, where would you plan to give birth and how much would this cost you?

SoupDragon · 29/01/2023 10:26

I guess you'll have had it here though

NameChangedForThissss · 29/01/2023 10:28

If he doesn’t want a baby he needs to us a condom, have a vasectomy or abstain.

LaLuz7 · 29/01/2023 10:30

Be honest... did you plan this second accidentally on purpose pregnancy?

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 29/01/2023 10:37

Concerns about travelling with a baby would be health care, and the cost.
things can go wrong quickly. However, you’re never as free with children, as before they start school. So if it’s an itch you have to scratch.

as someone who fell pregnant with a contraception failure, make the decision for you. If YOU want the baby have the baby. But be prepared to do it alone

GoT1904 · 29/01/2023 10:58

You have to make this decision for yourself. I have had 2 terminations.. The first one I knew in my head and heart it wasn't the right time. I've never looked back with any regret..

However the second I was set on keeping it. My life would be precariously balanced but I knew I could make it work. However my landlord then announced he was selling the house and I had 2 months to leave. So I had to go with head over heart and it took me a long time to get over.

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