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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Giving birth alone? What would you do?

31 replies

LettucesAndRoses · 01/01/2023 16:42

Hello and happy New Year!

I'm due with baby number 2 in a few months and I'm having a real headache deciding who should look after the older one on the day.

My and DH's parents live far away. Both sets have offered to come over but they would obviously have to arrive before the due date and leave after, meaning we would have people around for quite a long time. They would probably take a hotel but they'd expect to come over and see us all the time. I really don't want that for several reasons (relations are tensed and they disregard our preferences when it comes to looking after our child).
They'd also be around after the birth when we'll just want to be left alone as a family of four.

Or DH could stay home with the older one when I go to give birth and we wouldn't have to endure lengthy and stressful visits. Obviously, that means DH would miss the birth, which sucks.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:

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WhatNoRaisins · 01/01/2023 16:44

My personal preference would be option 2 but I wasn't that phased by the idea of birthing alone. I know others would be though

AuntieMarys · 01/01/2023 16:45

Option 2 for me...I gave birth with no birthing partner and it was fine

NewmummyJ · 01/01/2023 16:46

You could always get a doula for support during birth... or emergency babysitter for your older one. Or are there any friends you could ask?

BadShepherd · 01/01/2023 16:47

Tbh I’d do it alone. We lived abroad and my MIL flew over to look after my eldest. I had a scheduled section and I got up at 6am just for a few moments on my own - never got them because she was mulling around and interfered immensely when I got home.

I’d much rather my ex had just brought our eldest child to the hospital after the op.

Warspite · 01/01/2023 16:48

I birthed alone.
I liked it better that way.
Daddy arrived soon enough after the event.
Made no difference to his bond with baby.
Midwives were great companions.

I’d rather birth alone than have the relative scenario you might “sufffer!”

OneCup · 01/01/2023 16:50

Option 2 for me... while crossing my fingers it happens when toddler happens to be at nursery/ a friend or neighbour can look after him/her for a few hours.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 01/01/2023 16:50

My DM stayed with us for the few weeks up to and after the birth of my second and third DCs. We have a great relationship with her though.

My Plan B (when it looked likely that my mum’s flight for DC3 would be cancelled) was that my best friend would be my birthing partner. She doesn’t have any DCs and has never witnessed a birth before, but she has a very level head and works in a profession in which it is impossible to be squeamish. Honestly, part of my was hoping for Plan B because my DH was pretty useless during the birth of our eldest. 😂

Blossomandbee · 01/01/2023 16:51

I would happily labour/birth alone as I didn't like being fussed over and in the height of contractions I didn't care who was it wasn't in the room.
However, if labour ward is busy might you need someone to advocate for you? Also if you suddenly needed an emergency c section would you be happy to go it alone?

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2023 16:51

Get a doula?

ThatsNotMyMuffin · 01/01/2023 16:53

I'm facing the same situation and I'm looking at the possibility of an nanny/babysitter for the event of the birth. This is easier to plan if you have a C-section. Also a doula is a good option!

Fathercrossmas · 01/01/2023 16:56

I had the same situation pre COVID and chose to do it alone. It was so much better, I could just concentrate on me rather than having a worried looking DH in the corner not really knowing what to do and ultimately just annoying me. I told him I'd text if anything went wrong but I didn't when it did because I still thought he'd be useless.

Fivefootoffun · 01/01/2023 16:59

We had exact same predicament and I chose option 2. Had a fantastic experience tbh as definitely got much more attention from staff etc as I was on my own (just simple things like water, discussions on pain relief etc and got a room on my own).
DH and DD came to see is within 2 hours (basically as soon as I was cleaned up etc).
Would 100% do the same again (and DH feels the same) although it was a mostly straight forward labour/birth - had Thai not been the case I may well feel different.

Alfiexx1 · 01/01/2023 17:41

Do you not have any friends?

sleepymama3 · 01/01/2023 17:46

I'd go with option 2. My husband works away a lot and on number one I had already had midwife only as plan B (he was there in the end). Look up Ina May Gaskin on stress and early labour - the more stressors you can possibly cut out, the better. Midwives are trained for all eventualities and you would not be the first woman to have made this choice, they would know how to ease labour and birth for you by yourself. I echo the doula suggestions though! I did yoga with some pregnant ladies who worked as doulas and honestly, any woman who had one of them in her labour room would be lucky.

katmarie · 01/01/2023 19:09

How old is your first child? If he's in nursery for example would any of the staff there be willing to be on standby to be an emergency overnight sitter (for a fee)? I know some of the staff at my dc nursery also did babysitting alongside the day job.

Mommabear20 · 01/01/2023 20:19

I'd go option 2. We had our first in the height of covid lockdowns and DH was still working, we discussed if he got covid and couldn't come with me what we'd do and I said I'd go alone as I hated the thought of either of our mums being in the room and all my friends are either out of town or have young children themselves so couldn't just do everything

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/01/2023 20:29

Alfiexx1 · 01/01/2023 17:41

Do you not have any friends?

Had I posted this question when I was having DD, the answer would have been 'no' because I was a fairly recent immigrant. Your post would have made me feel like shit though.

bakewellbride · 01/01/2023 20:48

We don't have any family nearby either. Eldest was looked after by a friend. Do you have any friends or neighbours who could help?

Original poster

LettucesAndRoses · 01/01/2023 20:51

Thanks for all your replies, comforts me in thinking I'm not weird for preferring to be alone rather than have parents involved!

I've just moved to a new place so no friends able to help locally. All our friends are far away or abroad.

Our first child is not going to nursery yet and very shy so someone new isn't an option that makes us feel at peace.

And just when I think I've made up my mind, DH says he'd probably want to be there...

OP posts:

gogohmm · 01/01/2023 21:32

If your dh wants to be there please listen to him. Missing his dd2's birth (for child care reasons, complicated not mil related) is one of his biggest regrets, still makes him sad,

Starsinthesky22 · 01/01/2023 22:00

Could home birth be an option?

Surprisepregnancy1 · 01/01/2023 22:58

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I wouldn’t personally want my OH to miss out because of childcare. But of course you could do it alone! Could you get them into a hotel and set some firm boundaries around time needed as a family of 4 etc? I only say this because if things don’t go smoothly and you need a bit of extra support, it might be good to have them handy. My last birth was plain sailing but he was a bit jaundiced so we had to keep going back to the hospital daily for heel prick tests etc which made for a really faffy week after the birth - it was good to have my mum to help out as and when we needed her. Good luck whatever you decide! (Also if you plan to breastfeed - don’t be discreet, go for skin to skin - great way to have the room to yourself if the in laws are a bit overbearing 😆)

olderthanyouthink · 01/01/2023 23:07

I had a homebirth and DD was there 🤷‍♀️ we had neighbours who could watch her in an emergency and family who could pick her up later.

DP technically missed DDs birth and though stress was the main feeling it was also just sad.

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 01/01/2023 23:12

Is a home birth a possibility? Then DH could be in and out with you and your older dc. You'll have two midwives looking after you so may feel more supported in the times DH can't be in the room with you.

legalseagull · 02/01/2023 07:45

My DH wouldn't want to miss the birth of his child and I wouldn't want to do it alone. DH witnessing the birth of his child is far more important than the nuisance caused by having relatives around for a few days. He will remember the birth forever, you'll forget about the annoyance.

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