Anyone else get irritated when people say.…

SpringTime2023 · 2022-12-19T15:42:39+00:00

‘Enjoy your lie-ins while you can’ ’Here’s a video of DS running around…Enjoy your relaxing Saturdays while you can!’ First time mum here 🙋🏻♀️ I can’t work out why these sorts of comments grate on me… but they really do. Perhaps because it feels like they want to believe that I have ‘no idea’ what I’m letting myself in for (/naive), and it makes them feel better if they’re finding it tough/tiring? Such a first world problem, but wanted to vent as been getting a few more of them recently with that sort of tone.

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Todaynotalways · 19/12/2022 15:44

It's competitive misery.

Before I got pregnant (age 36) everyone told me how I'd never feel complete until I'd had a child, and that having a child was the most worthwhile thing they'd ever done.

The moment I was openly pregnant, came the competitive misery, how we'd never sleep, never eat at a restaurant, never go to the cinema, never have nice things... until they were at least 10, 11, or 25.

Bottom line - all things being equal (i.e, you and your baby are healthy) - having a new born is okay - they sleep a lot (sometimes not at night) they're quite portable, you can take them most places and they're small enough just to snooze.

TheBirdintheCave · 19/12/2022 15:45

I was told 'Haha, your house will never be tidy again!'. It always annoyed me. My son is two now and my house is still clean and tidy.

pinkpotatoez · 19/12/2022 15:45

I agree, I think it's the same annoyance as those people who will always try to one up you - if your going to Benidorm they're starring in an episode of Benidorm. Also that they think they know it all as if they weren't in the same position a year or so ago. Just say congratulations and that's it

BuffaloCauliflower · 19/12/2022 15:49

People love to say unhelpful things to pregnant women under the guise of ‘advice’. It’s very annoying and the best you can do is try to let it flow off you. Like most things in life, parenting is a big mix of wonderful and challenging, often at the same time, and you will relax again I promise! Especially when they’re little and just sleep a lot. I was definitely less tired when DS was a newborn than I was pregnant, now 36 weeks with no.2 and looking forward to better sleep once baby gets here again 🙂

Sunnydayz · 19/12/2022 15:50

I used to hate it when I complained about being tired and people said “wait until the baby arrives!”
tbf I was pretty tired and sleep deprived in the first few weeks with my newborn but it soon got better and for me pregnancy was a different level of tiredness.

i kinda agree with enjoy your lie ins while you can.
I was super lazy towards the end of my pregnancy, spent loads of time lying down in bed, felt guilty about it at the time but now I’m like nope, that’s exactly what I should have been doing!

I have to be honest nothing prepared me for the grind of feed, nappy, feed repeat x a million.

hope people stfu about it! (I’ve kinda gone on…!)
all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and a safe delivery x

BuffaloCauliflower · 19/12/2022 15:51

@TheBirdintheCave my house isn’t very tidy but it wasn’t before either 😂

Original poster

SpringTime2023 · 19/12/2022 15:51

Todaynotalways · 19/12/2022 15:44

It's competitive misery.

Before I got pregnant (age 36) everyone told me how I'd never feel complete until I'd had a child, and that having a child was the most worthwhile thing they'd ever done.

The moment I was openly pregnant, came the competitive misery, how we'd never sleep, never eat at a restaurant, never go to the cinema, never have nice things... until they were at least 10, 11, or 25.

Bottom line - all things being equal (i.e, you and your baby are healthy) - having a new born is okay - they sleep a lot (sometimes not at night) they're quite portable, you can take them most places and they're small enough just to snooze.

Makes total sense. I’d like to think I’m non-judgmental. Or at least I don’t like mentioning negatives as I’d always assume the other person is already pretty aware / clued up. I had it when I first got a mortgage (was one of the first in my peer group), and told I’d never have any disposable income again. That was probably more jealously, whereas this is coming from people who are ‘in’ the situation.

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Original poster

SpringTime2023 · 19/12/2022 15:53

Sunnydayz · 19/12/2022 15:50

I used to hate it when I complained about being tired and people said “wait until the baby arrives!”
tbf I was pretty tired and sleep deprived in the first few weeks with my newborn but it soon got better and for me pregnancy was a different level of tiredness.

i kinda agree with enjoy your lie ins while you can.
I was super lazy towards the end of my pregnancy, spent loads of time lying down in bed, felt guilty about it at the time but now I’m like nope, that’s exactly what I should have been doing!

I have to be honest nothing prepared me for the grind of feed, nappy, feed repeat x a million.

hope people stfu about it! (I’ve kinda gone on…!)
all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and a safe delivery x

Thank you :)

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Original poster

SpringTime2023 · 19/12/2022 15:54

BuffaloCauliflower · 19/12/2022 15:49

People love to say unhelpful things to pregnant women under the guise of ‘advice’. It’s very annoying and the best you can do is try to let it flow off you. Like most things in life, parenting is a big mix of wonderful and challenging, often at the same time, and you will relax again I promise! Especially when they’re little and just sleep a lot. I was definitely less tired when DS was a newborn than I was pregnant, now 36 weeks with no.2 and looking forward to better sleep once baby gets here again 🙂

I should definitely brace myself for it - the judgement I got when training a puppy was bad, let alone bringing up a child! Haha.

All the best with the rest of your pregnancy x

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Original poster

SpringTime2023 · 19/12/2022 15:55

pinkpotatoez · 19/12/2022 15:45

I agree, I think it's the same annoyance as those people who will always try to one up you - if your going to Benidorm they're starring in an episode of Benidorm. Also that they think they know it all as if they weren't in the same position a year or so ago. Just say congratulations and that's it

Yes that’s true! Maybe I’ll turn into one of those people in a few years… God I hope not 😂

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Original poster

SpringTime2023 · 19/12/2022 15:56

TheBirdintheCave · 19/12/2022 15:45

I was told 'Haha, your house will never be tidy again!'. It always annoyed me. My son is two now and my house is still clean and tidy.

Love that!

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Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 15:56

I used to roll my eyes at this sort of comment but turns out it was true for us anyway, we haven’t slept in past 7 for the past 2 years. My house is tidy at the end of every day though. I am also much much more tired than I used to be because my toddler is full on. I tend to say congratulations, and to enjoy their baby and normally a comment about how fast they grow up though. It’s too late to warn them once they are pregnant 😁

Jellyjam36 · 19/12/2022 15:59

Unless said light heartedly, I found it really annoying too. Then you get pregnant with your second child and it gets even worse

Jellyjam36 · 19/12/2022 16:00

** I mean the comments get even worse 🤣

Original poster

SpringTime2023 · 19/12/2022 16:01

Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 15:56

I used to roll my eyes at this sort of comment but turns out it was true for us anyway, we haven’t slept in past 7 for the past 2 years. My house is tidy at the end of every day though. I am also much much more tired than I used to be because my toddler is full on. I tend to say congratulations, and to enjoy their baby and normally a comment about how fast they grow up though. It’s too late to warn them once they are pregnant 😁

Yeah… I think it’s more that I know I’m going to be tired all the time. So it’s not really helpful, or something which I can do much about at this stage. Or at the very least I’ve accepted that it’s part of being a parent, and made that decision despite that. E.g I’ve not got rose tinted glasses on how it’s going to be, and there’s no ‘I TOLD you so!’ moment.

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GloomyDarkness · 19/12/2022 16:01

It's competitive misery.

It's this - though my big bug bear was horrific labour stories especially with first pg.

I was lucky short and straight forward. In fact few women at toddler groups brought pg female family members to hear some its fine - or mostly fine stories as they'd been scared witless by some "helpful" stories.

Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 16:05

I’ve found parenting to be very much something you can only learn via lived experience. There is little point in telling someone they will be tired all the time or run off their feet because until you experience it day in and day out there is no way of knowing. There is also no way of conveying with words the magical moments either. So yeah congratulations is best I think.

Ruffpuff · 19/12/2022 16:07

its just something people say. I was more tired after my baby was born, but that was preferable to late pregnancy. I feel burnt out now after a few years of being a parent, but that’s just me. People have different kids, different lives and personalities- not everyone feels the same. I wouldn’t say that to someone who’s pregnant, it’s irritating because what can you do? “Oh yes, you’re right my life is going to exhaust me…let me just return the baby.”

Original poster

SpringTime2023 · 19/12/2022 16:10

Gosh yeah, ‘actually on second thought…I’ll give them back now thanks’!

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Original poster

SpringTime2023 · 19/12/2022 16:12

GloomyDarkness · 19/12/2022 16:01

It's competitive misery.

It's this - though my big bug bear was horrific labour stories especially with first pg.

I was lucky short and straight forward. In fact few women at toddler groups brought pg female family members to hear some its fine - or mostly fine stories as they'd been scared witless by some "helpful" stories.

Yes… there also appears to be a link between said two phrases and similar people saying both of them!

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Flapjackquack · 19/12/2022 16:37

Oh god yeah, the pregnancy horror stories. I’ve swapped birth stories with friends but only once we’ve both given birth!

Bigheartsshapelittleminds · 19/12/2022 16:40

At the minute every person I speak to says..."enjoy your last kid free Christmas!" Like all other Christmases after this are going to be chaotic and awful.
I can't wait until my kids first Christmas.

hollyjollychristmass · 19/12/2022 16:42

TheBirdintheCave · 19/12/2022 15:45

I was told 'Haha, your house will never be tidy again!'. It always annoyed me. My son is two now and my house is still clean and tidy.

Same, I have an active messy 1 year old who loves chucking his toys about his my house is still relatively tidy. DP's family laughed at me when they seen how I organised his clothes and told me I'd never keep on top of it and I'd have washing piles up to my eyes. I don't. I also was told I'd never sleep again. DS sleeps like a dream and always has. I wish people would piss off with their unhelpful comments and stop trying to make new parents feel anxious and fearful of what's to come when it may well not be the case.

Original poster

SpringTime2023 · 19/12/2022 16:44

Bigheartsshapelittleminds · 19/12/2022 16:40

At the minute every person I speak to says..."enjoy your last kid free Christmas!" Like all other Christmases after this are going to be chaotic and awful.
I can't wait until my kids first Christmas.

🥰

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lippyblue · 19/12/2022 16:46

Agreed! I got a mum to be card from my workplace and there's a lot of "enjoy your sleep while you can", "get ready for those sleepless nights!" And it's quite irritating. I think some people think it's funny but I think it's actually insensitive and shows the person who's saying it is probably not remembering the nice parts! There's lots of lovely parts to look forward to.
Yes it's a shock to the system doing all the night feeds but life soon changes..